Dumb hipster girl #1: That genius is so hot.
Dumb hipster girl #2: He gets more ass than a toilet seat. He has a lot of STDs. I read about him on williamsboard. There is like a 200 response thread about him and his STDs.
Dumb hipster girl #1: Well so do I.
Dumb hipster girl #2: What?
–Apple Store, 59th & 5th
Girl #1: So, you didn’t go to the show?
Girl #2: Hell no.
Girl #1: My boyfriend tried to make me go.
Girl #2: Why would I want to go? I’ve slept with like, everyone there. Like I need to see a close up of all of the STDs I’ve narrowly avoided?
–Double Down, Houston & A
Girl: So she accidentally gave you head?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: I’m confused as to how this happened. Did she like sneeze and somehow her mouth ended up on your penis? I’m just having trouble with the logistics of this. I mean it must have been a pretty violent sneeze to force her head that far down. Or was it more sensual, smooth kind of sneeze…
Guy: You’re a sarcastic bitch.
Girl: Yeah, but now you have STD.
–8th St
Frat boy on cell: Next time this happens, just grab him by the penis and drag him into bed.
–Grand Central
Frat boy: I mean, STDs are nothing to worry about. There are more Pokemon than there are STDs!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Pikachu
Enthusiastic frat boy: Sure, sure, but back in history when there were no diseases…
–57th Street & 8th
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Frat boy on cell: If I were him, I’d tell her to get her boobs put in too, as long as she’s already under.
–Mercer & 8th
Incensed frat-type dude on cell: Dude! I didn’t fingerbang your sister in Tijuana! I’m not a snake like that. I fingerbanged her in Cancun, so it was on American soil… And you were in the next bed. Tell me you don’t remember any of this?!
–NR Train
Man on phone, while withdrawing cash at the ATM: Congrats, dude. It could still be chlamydia though!
–LES
Overheard by: Romano
Kid: I don’t like this place, it has aids.
–F Train
Overheard by: Richard J. Anderson
Man on cell: You can’t just sleep in somebody’s bed and not tell them you have scabies. That’s… irresponsible.
–Home Depot
Professional woman: So I think you have an STD and blah blah blah.
–Times Square
Customer: Can we get an extra plate? He’s sick and I have herpes.
–Freemans, Freeman’s Alley
Twentysomething businesswoman: I was like, ‘oh my god, don’t hook up with my mom’… she has crabs!
–13th & 2nd
Overheard by: Natalia
Chick #1: Hey, what are you doing?
Chick #2, sparying floor with disinfectant: Well, I heard on Tyra that you can get STDs from just walking on the same floor as someone else.
Chick #1: You did? Well, it must be true! Why didn’t you tell me?!
–1250 Broadway
Teen boy: C’mon! Touch the squirrel! Do it!
Teen girl: Oh, fuck no! I don’t want to get rabies!
Teen boy: Actually, city squirrels have herpes.
Teen girl: I don’t need any more of that!
–Midtown
Headline by: The Mac
Runners-Up:
· “Adam and Eve Hit the Big Apple” – haz
· “Don’t Pick Up Anything That You Can’t Put Down.” – Dan Walker
· “Squirrel: Tell Me About It!” – twoferrets
· “The Pubic Lice Keep Eating Them” – samson
· “They Are Also Notorious Rapists.” – Moldizzle
· “Unexpectedly, The Date Was Over” – J.M. Berger
Columbia guy #1: Isn’t that kind of stupid that you didn’t wear a condom, as far as STDs go, though?
Columbia guy #2: No, nobody actually has STDs.
Columbia guy #1: Are you serious?
Columbia guy #2: Listen, STDs are something you learn about in health class but don’t actually exist in the real world. I mean, even if they did, nobody here would have them.
–Ruggles Dorm, 114th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Adam
Girl: I gotta wake up at eight AM for this class, and I ain’t even curin’ AIDS or anythin’!
–Columbia University
Teen buying travel-size toothpaste, toothbrush, and mouthwash: Do you have a bathroom?! Can I use your bathroom?! I just made out with a guy who has herpes — you have to let me use the goddamn bathroom!
–Duane Reade, Amsterdam
JAP on cell: Well, was it a lot of herpes?
–24th & 6th
Overheard by: Austin
Chick: It was alright… He did me in the butt. Wait… Can you get STDs from doing it in the butt? [Friend laughs.] What’s funny? I’m serious!
–Manhattan-bound L train
Suit on cell: He wants a birthday present, too? I already gave him chlamydia this week! Who does he think I am, fucking Santa?!
–Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: JoshOnTheBus
Teacher: Little known fact — you can still get crabs even if you wear a condom. Those suckers just jump from one person to the next, and then you have to go to the doctor and say, ‘Yes, I’m a dirty human being.’
–Bronx Science
Woman with wine glass on cell: Your sister is about to fuck my ex-husband and FYI — he has herpes.
–Outside the Hudson Hotel
Yuppie to chick: You look like you have herpes, but I’d sleep with you anyways.
–51st & 9th
Overheard by: A. Bystander
Chick on cell: Dude, like when Princeton claimed everything was confidential from our parents, but I got a copy of a bill they sent them that said, clearly, ‘Chlamydia and gonorrhea test…’
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: McF.
Chick to friends: That’s a story for when you’re fucking and you say, ‘Hey, you only get AIDS once…’
–10th & Ave B
