Stupidity

Enjoy Your Visit, Wednesday One-liners

Midwestern mom: Oh my word, that mannequin has nipples!

–Saks Fifth Avenue

Girl: Whoa, that building is tall!

–Empire State Building

Southern lady on cell: New York City, New York…Yes, I’d like the listing for Starbucks…You mean there’s more than one?

–Times Square

Woman on cell: They have strange stores here. She made me come to this place called Archaeology.

–Anthropologie, 5th Avenue

Overheard by: rehey11

Tourist chick: OK, this is 14th Avenue, we are only three stops away, we should prepare to get out. OK, everybody stand up and get to the doors right now!

–E train

Overheard by: Ting

Say What, Wednesday One-liners?

Softball coach: Who’s not here? Who’s ever not here, raise your hand!

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Andrea

Woman: Some people are idea people but don’t do anything about it, and some people are executioners.

–2/3 train

Hippie: Yeah, it sucks, he needs a quintuplet bypass!

–Red Hook post office

Overheard by: Mia Mylet

Girl: Well, I’m taking Portuguese this semester, ’cause it’s a requirement to be an accountant.

–NYU Bobst Library

Overheard by: Greg

Some Call It RAIN

Guy: What’s this wet shit falling from the sky?

–Greenpoint

Overheard by: Heather Letzkus

Breaking News, Overheard on the Streets of New York

Businesschick on cell: Awww yeah…guess who doesn’t have work today?….Awww yeah, people trying to blow up my building and shit…I think I just saw a tank driving down my street…Wait, I gotta roll, some weird number is popping up on my cellie.

–51st & 3rd

Pre-Class Registration Starts Once A Month

Dumb teen: Hey, look at this! It says “Train for jobs in biotch.”
Smarter teen: Fool! That word is biotech. Why you gotta be ignorant all your life?

–1 train

Overheard by: Manhattman

Going to the Talkies (A NYC Story)

Before a movie, a man gets up and jumps off a balcony. His friend remains seated.

Fellow movie patron: Did he just die?
Friend: Nah, nah it’s cool. He’s a French wall-jumper.

–Union Square Regal Cinemas

Yes, Except When the Kids Die They Don’t Rise Up

Woman: What’s passover again? Isn’t that supposed to be like your version of Easter?

–LaGuardia

Overheard by: Aaron

One of Osama’s Lesser Known Wives

Mom #1: Did your husband take any time off when you had your baby?
Mom #2: Well, it was right after Sept. 11th, so his office was closed for 3 or 4 weeks.
Mom #1: Oh, that’s wonderful!

–F train

I’m Expecting a Call from Two Magpies

Chick #1: Is that your cell phone ringing?
Chick #2: Julie, those are birds.

–Central Park tennis courts

Overheard by: Susan Vrona Bijina

That’s a Dumb Question! It’s Wednesday One-liners

Little girl: Do I have to shave all over my body when I grow up? Where will I have to shave most? Where don’t I have to shave? Tell me, you’re old, you should know.

–New York Hall of Science, Flushing

Overheard by: Ting

NYU Chick: 2G? Does that mean it’s on the ground floor?

–11th between Broadway and University

Woman: Would it help to keep a couple dead deer lying around to scare the other ones away?

–Union Square Greenmarket

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