Stupidity

Trainer: Very good! 25!
Woman: I have to do 25 of them?
Trainer: No, no. You’re lifting 25 pounds.
Woman: 25 and 25 is 50.

–Synergy, Park & 33rd

Chick: I got a washing machine at home but it don’t fit. I got too many clothes.
Guy: Ain’t you never heard of loads?
Chick: What you mean?
Guy: Doing it once at a time.
Chick: Shoot, I be doing clothes forever if I do that shit.

–Herald Square

Overheard by: Trish

Schoolgirl: …then the teacher said “Silence”. Silence is just a fancy word for “Shut the fuck up”.

–Union Square station

Black mom: Spatula, I’ve got two words for you: be-have!

–6th Avenue salon

Boy, 8: Sorry, Dad. I had to stop because my peg-leg got stuck!

–Park Slope

Woman: Why are you smiling and licking your lips at me? Do you do this to all the customers?

–J & R Music World, Park Row

Overheard by: mimi lester

Chick #1: What street are we getting off at again?
Chick #2: 59th street.
Chick #1: I hope we are on the right train.
Chick #2: Of course we are. I think it’s the next stop.
Conductor: This is 72nd street, transfer to the 1,2,3 trains–
Chick #1: There’s the express. Should we switch trains?
Chick #2: No, we’ll switch at 50th street.

–Uptown #9 train

Overheard by: Marc

Commuter: Are there delays?
Token booth collector: No ma’am, there are no delays at this station.
Commuter: Then why are there more people than trains?

–Fulton Street station

JAP: Didn’t it fall down back in the early nineties too?

–Ground Zero

Customer: I see barley, but no beef.
Cafeteria worker: The beef has been melted into it.

–MSKCC cafeteria

Dude #1: I never knew people actually lived on Staten Island.
Dude #2: I know!
Dude #1: I thought it was just a big mall.
Dude #2: With the Mafia…
Dude #1: And garbage…
Dude #2: I know!
Dude #1: You know what’s totally sad? I got a 1450 on my SATs.

–A train

White guy: I’m a pretty liberal-minded guy. I don’t consider myself prejudiced or anything…
White girl: But..?
White guy: But I really don’t like Polish people. I mean, I can’t help it, I just don’t.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Kristen