Wednesday One-liners Like Cans of Beans

Hobo: Well, mathematically speaking, I’m fucked.

–2nd Avenue station

Overheard by: Maddog

Hobo: I don’t steal. I don’t snatch purses. I don’t bother women. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not a homosexual. But I do bathe. And I do sleep on the subway ’cause I am a bum.

–4 train

Overheard by: Jen McC.

Hobo: Anybody want to take the day off and cuddle with me? It’s kosher!

–52nd & 5th

Overheard by: Jess

Hobo: I’m just tryin’ to get some pussy here and all y’all gotta come up in here and bother me. Damn.

–PATH train

Overheard by: Everett Moran

Hobo: I’ve been shitting plastic lately.

–Q60 bus

Overheard by: Ben

Hobo: Please help me…Please help me…I need money to buy popcorn…Please help me…I need a hot meal…I need money to buy popcorn.

–53rd & Park

Hobo: Uh oh, uh oh! You make a big doo-doo! It’s okay. I make big doo-doos too.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Melissa Cole

Hobo: Spare a little change, girls? That’s all right, God bless you…even the Chinese girl.

–Bank & Bleecker

Hobo: The tax man has a licence to kill. No questions asked. More people should know that.

–5th Avenue-53rd Street station

Overheard by: Tzvi Tampa

Hobo: If you see a suspicious black package on this train do not pick it up. If you see a large, black package on my seat after I leave, do not worry. It is not a bomb. I’ve been riding this train for fifteen years. Leave it for the Coney island clean-up crew. They’ll take care of it. It is not a weapon, it is not filled with hundred dollar bills, just don’t touch it…Did you know that Union Square is a hundred years older than Times Square?

–N train

Overheard by: Zelda

Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the interruption. I am trying to raise one million dollars and 25 cents for wine research.

–4 train

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Hobo: All you people who just got on the train, everybody in this car already gave me $7. Everybody gave me $7 but you.

–6 train

Girl: So I saw this homeless guy walking down the street with, like, all the bags and stuff, and he had something bewtween his teeth!

–6 train

Hobo: Hey man, help an ugly dude out, will ya?

–33rd & 8th

Overheard by: Brian Graham

Hobo: What’s the holdup? Let’s get this train moving! There’s people gots to go to work, gots to go to school! There’s pregnant people! Court musicians!

–R train

Hobo: Yeah, a couple of Jewish lawyers out to fuck the world…Shee-it.

–42nd & Lexington

Overheard by: Ronald A. Veenker

Posted on February 22, 2006
Anger Management, Hobos, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Poop, Sex, Sex & Relationships, The Village, Trains Not Subway

Getting Booked

Little boy: What’s the “n word,” Dad?
Dad: I’m not gonna tell you.
Little boy: Why?
Mom: It’s worse than all the other words because it makes specific people feel bad.
Dad: You don’t need to know it. It’s one of those things you’ll learn when you get older. You’ll learn a lot of bad things when you get older.

–Barnes and Noble, Astor Place

Overheard by: Ben

You’ll learn all this and more, at 7PM on Wednesday night at the store above. Please come join us as we discuss and sign our new book.

Posted on February 21, 2006
Manhattan, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Parents, Retail Therapy, Should've Used a Condom, The Village

The Beauty That is Wednesday One-liners

Queer: You know who I feel really bad for? Really ugly people.

–Mug’z Sports Bar, Belmont

Posted on February 15, 2006
Anger Management, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Fashion, Hobos, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, One-liners, Queers, Teens, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Everyone’s a Critic?

Woman: Excuse me, can you recommend anything from the menu?
Waiter guy: No.

–Shopsin’s General Store, Carmine Street

Posted on February 11, 2006
Food, Manhattan, Restaurants & Cafes, The Village

I Usually Bring a Dog to Translate

Girl: I was walking and there was a group of Dominicans talking on the corner and the only reason I understood what they were saying was because I’ve been listening to a lot of reggaeton.
Guy: They must’ve been talking about fucking someone.

–West 4th & Thompson

Overheard by: Angel V.

Posted on February 10, 2006
Manhattan, Movies, Pop Culture, Puerto Ricans, Stupidity, The Village

The Bottom of His Class

Chick: I’ve already slept with 6 professors and it’s only two weeks
into the semester.
Guy: Tell me about it. I slept with this one prof last night…he really taught me a thing or two.

–4th & Mercer

Overheard by: Timothy Leary

Posted on February 2, 2006
People, Sex, The Village

Wednesday One-liners Reek

Suit: I just wish that, just once, I could walk into the bathroom at work without it smelling like three week old dead hookers.

–8th between 17th & 18th

Posted on February 1, 2006
Scents of the City, Suits, The Village

Wednesday One-liners Like Bareback

Drunk guy: you’re not taking money out, you’re taking each other out!
Pair of fruitfucks!

–15th & 8th

Posted on February 1, 2006
Advice, Assholes, Drunks, Etiquette, Insults, Money & Class, The Village

You Can’t Trust Those Damn Slags

Girl: But, I mean, it’s not like I ever plan on giving birth.
Guy: Well, if your mother gave birth, it’s like your chances are good that you’ll give birth too.
Girl: …Uh, dude, your mother gave birth.
Guy: Absolutely.

–Park Slope

Guy #1: I don’t mind getting old; I love getting old.
Guy #2: Yeah, just as long as you don’t get pregnant.

–Grove & Bleecker

Posted on January 31, 2006
Parents, Park Slope, People, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Stupidity, The Village

The Village