Thugette: So, what you gonna do about him, then?
Thug: I swear to God, he even tries it again, I will pee on his face.
Thugette: You what?
Thug: No, seriously, I will. I will pee. On. His. Face.
–25th & 3rd
Overheard by: Katie
Thugette: So, what you gonna do about him, then?
Thug: I swear to God, he even tries it again, I will pee on his face.
Thugette: You what?
Thug: No, seriously, I will. I will pee. On. His. Face.
–25th & 3rd
Overheard by: Katie
Ghetto girl crossing against the light, as cabbie honks: Dat’s right! Dat’s right! Dat’s right! Hit me! I needs the fuckin’ money!
Brit tourist, waiting for ‘Walk’ light: Oh, how charming.
–32nd & 7th
Overheard by: Just Trying to Make My Train
Man on phone: I thought you were calling to tell me you’re getting married. That would have been terrible.
–45th & 8th
Overheard by: Lisa
Metromosexual on cell: Lady-fag and Rainblow Brite are getting married.
–Bedford & 5th, Brooklyn
Little Asian girl talking on toy cell: What? Tomorrow? Marry you?!
–Waiting room, Ft Greene Department of Health
Overheard by: nooners
Angry woman to loser husband: If you want this marriage to work, we need to move to Baltimore.
–Starbucks, 59th & Lex
Girl on cell: No, I don’t think sleeping with her again will help… Because, honestly, you shouldn’t be sleeping with anybody else… I mean, Jesus Christ, we are engaged!
–Starbucks, 23rd & 6th
Man to woman: So, he told you he wasn’t dating anybody, but he didn’t tell you he was married?
–11th & Broadway
Guido: You know what it would mean if I drove a Saab? It would mean I have a big dick.
–Sheepshead Bay theater
Overheard by: sprinkles
JAP on cell: Well, if you guys need a ride I need to call Daddy and tell him to bring the Infinity, not the BMW… Wow, that sounded really JAP-y.
–49th, between 8th & 9th
Restaurant flyer guy: Why a Lamborghini costs so much we don’t know, but we do have food!
–96th & 3rd
Overheard by: Drewster
Guy: We either gotta pay the Russian drivers, threaten the Russian drivers, or kill the Russian drivers.
–Financial District
Ghetto lady: That’s the only thing you can do in a van with no air conditioning — sing.
–Maspeth & Metropolitan Ave, Brooklyn
Guy: You really should move. It’s not safe there.
Girl: Yeah, the woman next to me got robbed recently.
Guy: If I ever walked into my house and saw a nigger standing in my living room, I’d fucking unload a full clip into him. He’d start making excuses, but I wouldn’t fucking care. Then I’d pick up the phone and call the police and tell them I killed him. And he’d say, ‘Nooo!’ and I’d say, ‘Yep, got a dead body on my property,’ and then I’d blow his nuts off.
Girl: Oh… Well, I don’t usually carry a gun around with me.
Guy: I always carry a gun with me. I would run out with my shirt off and my gun in my hand and scare that fucker.
Girl: Well, I don’t think I’d be that intimidating.
–Crema Restaurante, 17th & 6th
Overheard by: Aubrey
Drunk girl #1: So, why did you spit on her?
Drunk girl #2: I don’t know. Oh my god, I spit on her?
Drunk girl #1: Oh my god, you don’t remember?
Drunk girl #2: Hahaha, shit! Well, she must have deserved it. What’d she do?
Drunk girl #1: I don’t know. You said she was looking at your man.
Drunk girl #2: Well, fuck, then she deserved it. Where is she? I’ll spit on her again!
Sober girl: You just got on the train. You spit on me and I’ll fucking kill you.
–1 train
Young girl to brother: Hey, you better get home or I’m gonna tell Mom that you stole that money from her purse.
Little boy: You do that, bitch, and I’m gonna tell Durell you got your period when you were nine.
Young girl: Mothafuckah, that was, like, last year!
–Ave A
Overheard by: Padraic. Your Prince
Lady: Stop it!
Rambunctious toddler: You shouldn’t even be on this train!
Lady: Why?
Rambunctious toddler: Because I’ll poop in your hair!
Lady: Poop in my hair? I’ll poop in your mouth!
–N train, Queensboro Plaza
Overheard by: Steve
Manager looking at flooded sink spilling onto floor: Maaan… Who did this?
Employees, in irritated chorus: Thomas.
Manager: Thomas, I’m gonna shit on you.
–AMC Empire, 42nd St
North Dakotan tourist: Hi, Mr. Mayor. Can we take a picture with you?
Mayor Bloomberg: Sure thing, but if you don’t smile I’m going to tickle you.
–Times Square
