Hobo #1: So then she said she just wanted to be friends, and I was like, “What do you mean by “friends?” Like shake-hands friends? Cause I don't need friends to shake hands with. I'm looking for pussy.”
Hobo #2: Haha, what did she say?
Hobo #1: Well, I dunno, she hasn't called back yet.
–Union Square
Gay hipster guy #1: Check him out.
Gay hipster guy #2: Damn, if I was a girl my pussy would be so big. Mm.
Gay hipster guy #1: I just grew a pussy and now its wet.
–F Train
Headline by: nays
Runners-Up:
· “Evolution in Action” – Drew
· “Homosexuals at the Forefront Of Evolution!” – fester60613
· “It’s From the New ADULT Line Of Chia Pets.” – Ch-ch-ch-chia!
· “Jeff Goldbloom: Life Finds a Way.” – space coyote
· “Oh, Just What I Need, Another Fag-Hag. Thanks a LOT, Trevor.” – Rhadamanthus
Guy: Did you look at my resume?
Girl: Yeah. It was pretty good, but I made a couple of changes. I added “pussy” to your interests.
Guy: Great idea! It makes me sound more diverse.
–Lafayette
Hipster girl: And then he didn't wanna have sex anymore, and I got all moody.
Gay guy: I'd be moody too if I had a clitoris.
–50th & 6th Avenue
Hipster girl #1: I'm so hungover, I just want to be hanging out on a roof somewhere drinking a vodka soda.
Hipster girl #2: I don't want a roof, I don't even wanna drink. I want to be laying under the covers with an ice pack on my vagina, sobbing.
–SoHo
College guy #1: Wanna see the best dildo ever?
(shows a digital camera screen to his friend)
College guy #2: Awesome, did you sit on it?
College guy #1: No, but Alissa did, her pussy is so wide.
College guy #2: So true.
–F Line
Teen girl #1: My French teacher is Ms. Smith*. I was like, “Please no!” I hate her so much, and she really sucks at teaching.
Teen girl #2: Oh yeah, I know. Plus, she looks like a monkey's vagina.
Teen girl #1: Have you ever even seen a monkey's vagina?
Teen girl #2: Yeah… I've seen her face.
–Promenade, Brooklyn Heights
Girl: 12 son!
Guy: What?
Girl: That's my number.
Guy: Who was the 12th?
Girl: Some guy that picked me up off the side of the road, literally.
Guy: Well, did he at least pay you for it?
Girl: No, I felt bad that he had to take me home, so I paid him… with my vagina.
–Central Park
Overheard by: it's as good as cash
Boyfriend: No, seriously, you have the vagina of a nine-year-old girl.
Girlfriend (flattered): Thank you!
–72nd St
Overheard by: Dubjay
20-something girl: I don't let people with toes like that into my bed!
–Bleecker & Broadway
Overheard by: insizlane
Old man on cell: Just tell her to go to Duane Reade and get that shit that puts your urethra to sleep.
–East Village
Overheard by: doctors are so jaded
Woman: My son has a perfect head, it's not flat on no sides.
–44 Bus, Staten Island
(man comes over and pushes down everyone's safety bar)
Woman: My uterus just came out of my vagina.
–Coney Island Cyclone
Guy on cell: …and it's just not Sunday unless you've had your finger in someone.
–Houston & Macdougal
Overheard by: Lish
