Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners — You Can Count Their Ribs!

Girl to friend: I mean, he has an eating tutor.

–Astoria

Overheard by: Joel

Rabbi: Fasting is completely useless.

–Yom Kippur service, Temple Beth El

Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld

Girl on cell: No, I think her boobs are fake. There is no way you can be anorexic and have boobs like that. I know! They look so awful! Like balloons on a broomstick!

–Barnard College

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Chick to friend: You can lose weight just by digesting.

–Main St & Roosevelt Ave, Flushing, Queens

Overheard by: Rita

Big black lady, stuck in the stall: Oh, hell no! I ain’t come in the bathroom for anorexic people!

–Stall #2, Ladies’ room, Barnes & Noble, 18th & 5th

Overheard by: Laughing in Stall #1

Wednesday One-liners Ask the Tough Questions

White guy: You live in New Jersey and you don’t speak Spanish?

–49th & 8th

Overheard by: Knipc

Guy on payphone: Eighty miles an hour, and he was still alive?…still alive?

–W. 4th & Mercer

Overheard by: Matthew

Jewfro: …so why did you stick your cell phone in your anus?

–Chambers & Greenwich

Guy: I’d like some dick lever…I mean duck liver, please. Well, I guess dicks don’t really have levers do they?

–Tuller Gourmet Food Market, Cobble Hill

Overheard by: Isaac Gertman

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Bunch of Pussies

Man to friend: … And then she put her pussy on my head.

–W 4th & 7th

Overheard by: Shaggy

Large black lady to friends: I mean, her vagina was fuckin’ huge! You could put a whole fist in that thing!

–W 4th & 6th

Overheard by: Sophia Casanova

Teen girl on cell: I really wanted to be like, ‘Listen, bud — this isn’t working, so can you please remove your fingers from my vagina?’

–B1 bus stop, Bensonhurst

Female: I think my vagina is malfunctioning.

–E 112th St

Overheard by: Mine, too

Loud guy to male friend: There’s something about a vagina that just makes you evil! No offense.

–4th & Mercer

Overheard by: none taken

Wednesday One-Liners Taste the Rainbow

Seven-year-old, looking around: Mommy, is this a gay place?

–Columbus Circle Mall

Deadpan guy: Just for future reference, when you have gay sex in a bathroom stall, you might wanna put paper bags over your feet so people don’t see two pairs of male feet under the door and catch on… I’m just saying.

–Wagner College

Overheard by: Zabet

Fat chick: Gay sex makes everything better.

–Nederlander Theatre

Scruffy college student to friend: So, I told my parents I was gay… Then they told me I was adopted.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: ramona

Old Asian woman, smiling after reading tabloid cover: He is not gay!

–Barnes & Noble, 18th & 5th

Overheard by: I still think he is :-/, BiTCHESSSS!!

Smells Like Wednesday One-liners

Girl: Don’t walk me behind me, I’m about to fart.

–Times Square station

Girl: God, it smells like an armpit farted in here.

–Rififi, E. 11th Street

Overheard by: Miso

Guy on cell: Baby, baby, please, listen, I just, I’m almost there, c’mon, I’m comin’ up on your building now, baby, don’t be like that! Look out the window and you’ll see me! Shit, you can smell me, baby.

–12th & D

Fratboy: My shorts smell like a little boy’s balls.

–Coney Island beach

Overheard by: Alissa

Woman: Just so you know, it smells like someone urinated in there.

–Banana Republic, 16th & 5th

Overheard by: beth wren

Wednesday One-Liners’ Little Helper

Old crazy guy to little kid: Hey, you want a Vicodin? It’s just like your Ritalin, but stronger. No? Okay, then how about a donut?

–Dunkin’ Donuts, 66th & 1st

Overheard by: Alec

20-something hipster girl on cell: Prozac! Send me my Prozac!

–Bedford Ave, Williamsburg

Overheard by: josh

Waiter to bartender: She was taking a lot of Vicodin. You can’t drink Hennessy with that.

–Village Restaurant

Overheard by: Al Key Hall

Girl, after friend gives her a gift: Awww, you’re the sweetest friend ever! You almost made me cry, except that I can’t cry — I’m on Effexor! Awww!

–Crepe place, St. Mark’s

Girl on cell: It’s gross! It’s sick! I’m not asking anyone for Viagra for my dad! It’s sick!

–President St, Park Slope

Overheard by: Nick Draven

30-ish blonde screaming into cell: Doctor, I’m so glad you called back. No, the girl here won’t give me my pills! She says my insurance won’t pay for any more… Okay, so maybe I lost track of how many Vicodin I’ve been eating — I’ve been busy! Whatever!

–Drug store, Battery Park

Overheard by: embarassed for her

Man on cell: I love Ambien more than I love my wardrobe. Good-bye.

–Angelika Theater

Overheard by: Nora

Baby, It’s Wednesday One-liners

Woman on payphone: I totally woulda done it too, I woulda kicked her ass…I’m telling you if that bitch wasn’t pregnant I woulda killed her. So instead I just punched the bitch.

–19th & 6th

Overheard by: Kaitlyn Meehan

Producer: Hey, you look like a psychotic baby. Maybe you should grow a bit of the hair back and a bit of the goatee back.

–27th Street office

Pregnant girl: I’m gonna have me a big bottle of E&J mixed with Hennessy after I have my baby.

–Highbridge

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Man on cell: Are you crazy? She can’t control a six pound dog and you want her to have your baby?

–46th & 8th

Overheard by: Renee Florence

Wednesday One-Liners Could Pinch Hit for William Safire

Wardrobe consultant chick: Hey Jorge*, el foodo is here! Wait a minute, what’s the word again?

–Men’s Wearhouse, 34th & 5th

Overheard by: erak

Tourist woman on cell: That’s not even the right thing to say to somebody in a fight. A "punk" is from the 50s. It’s like a tough guy or a street guy.

–56th & 5th

Woman on cell: You know what pull my finger means? Well you better start pulling your finger. Pull it 24/7.

–12th & 1st

Guy: Korean words don’t end in vowels, you fuckhead. Except for "Korea"… and "Hyundai".

–Chelsea Market

Yuppie dad lecturing two school-age sons: Last week, this girl in my class said that something just sucked and I told her, "You know, when you’re in English class, vocabulary is cool, and it’s better to say that something is disappointing instead of saying that it sucks."

–Tip-Top Shoes, W 72nd St

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Man on cell: Do you know what trifling means?? No! It does NOT mean truffle-making!

–17th & 6th

Overheard by: Thirsty Violet

Guy, passing "La Bagel Delight": That means "The Bagel Delight" in
French!

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Wednesday One-liners Might Have Food Issues

Guy: Nah, I’m trying to get that six pack for summer. I’m not going for the dashboard stomach or anything. Besides, the dashboard on my car isn’t looking too good, ya know?

–Godiva, Nassau Street

Overheard by: J

Woman: She’s not trying anorexia, is she? She’s not in that adolescent phase yet, right?

–85th & 5th

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Girl: Well, she should tell her doctor…and her waitress.

–Fordham

Overheard by: Trix

Hobo: Hey, I’m really hungry. Really hungry, man. I ain’t eaten in the past coupla days. That’s why I’m losing weight. Except I’m so muscular, so I look healthy, but I’m hungry. And it’s hot outside, so I’m losing more weight. And I am muscular.

–F train

Queer: You know, whenever they show models in movies being obsessive about what they eat and their weight or something, it’s always presented like it’s this vain and self-indulgent thing, but, I mean, they’re models. It’s their job. It’s like for your job. You needed a Master’s Degree, right? Well, they need an eating disorder.

–2 train

Girl: I think he thought I was calling him fat. I wasn’t, though! I was calling him pregnant.

–D train

It’s Official: Dark Sarcasm is Over

Industrial guy: Do you guys like noise?
Hipster guy #1: Um…no, I’m really into organized sound.
Hipster guy #2: Yeah, I’m really getting into silence…like that.

–Astoria

Overheard by: Jeremy Valeda

Hipster guy #1: I’m trying to get a caffeine buzz going.
Hipster guy #2: Why don’t you just think about the impending blackness that will eventually envelope us all…That should keep you awake.

–Knitting Factory, Leonard Street

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