Wednesday One-Liners

Our Product Regrew Wednesday One-Liners in Four Out of Five Users

Straight guy: I need to change my hair. Four out of five girls with that bachelorette party last night thought I was gay.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Phil

Guy: Listen, it’s not hair replacement. It’s a system.

–Sterling & 7th, Park Slope

Overheard by: A White Bear

White guy: Yeah, and I ripped out her weave.. it was awesome!

–14th & 5th

Overheard by: Amelia D

Hobo: All Democrats must have pink hair, by mandate of the homeless Republican!

–12th & 6th

Overheard by: theNJl

Ghetto girl: She wanted to charge me $400 for my hair. She was gonna charge me by the pound! Who charges for hair by the pound? I could get my homegirl to do it for $20. Never buy your hair from someone in the ‘hood!

–5 train, 125th St

Overheard by: La Liz

Bald queer: Oh, now I have to do my hair again. It’s so difficult to keep my hands out of it!

–Elevator, 1250 Broadway

Please Clean up After Your Wednesday-One-Liners

Cokehead to small dog: You piss me off.

–St Marks Place

Overheard by: Murray

Woman to her dog: What the hell are you doing?

–Fairway Market, W 74th & Broadway

Overheard by: Megan Ingraham

Little boy to pigeon walking behind him: Stop it!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Will

Creepy old guy to dog: Yeah, yeah. Smell me. Smell me.

–Stairwell of apartment building, W 105th St

Overheard by: inge

Man to his dog butt-sniffing dog: Don’t do that! I told you not to do that! This is why you don’t have any friends!

–117th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: robin b

Woman to yapping pooch: Shakespeare, we’ve talked about this!

–72nd St & York

WASP to dog: You’re not going to get cheese on your fries if you don’t stop misbehaving right now!

–Shake Shack, 23rd St & Madison

Overheard by: Matt C

Wednesday-One-Liners Pledge Allegiance to the Vag

Hipster girl: I don’t want to do that to my vagina! I want my vagina to smell like va-gi-na! Who would do that to their vagina?

–St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: Edward Dandelions

Crazy ranting dreddy guy: Respect the vagina!

–St. Marks & 2nd

Hipster Girl: After sex with him, I like, hydrogen peroxided my vagina.

–1st Ave & 9th St

Angry man on cell: No, we weren’t fighting last night, I ate your pussy!

–C Train

Overheard by: Ada

Girl: So he was like, ‘How was your vacation’ and I was like, ‘My vagina’s sore.’

–Coffee Shop, Union Square

Guy on cell: Put your head between your legs and suck your twat.

–19th St

Overheard by: Gross

Boyfriend to girlfriend: Wait, that’s the vajayjay?

–Bodies Exhibit, South Street Seaport

This is Wednesday-One-Liners’ Stop

Man boarding bus to driver: You better not go flippin’ this bitch over!

–Fung Wah Bus, Chinatown

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Young mom: No! I will sit down! You’re a kid, you don’t even have to pay to ride the bus. I did, so I’m sitting! Move!

–M60 Bus

Bus driver: Everyone get on the bus, I got a schedule. For those of you sneaking on in the back, can you at least do it fast? I’ve got places to be.

–B45 Bus

Overheard by: Robin M.

Driver of a Chinatown bus : Does anyone know how to get out of the city?

–Broadway

Luke…. I Am Your Wednesday-One-Liners

Jappy Teenage daughter: Daddeeee! I want you to get rid of sweat.

–50th & 8th

Overheard by: Lord…

Black woman on cell: I don’t like big, Black, aggressive men. I like light-skinned men, cause I’m Jamaican. I just found out I’m Jamaican like five years ago. My mom told me the guy who I thought was my father is not my real father. But you know, I don’t hold nothing against him. Dude paid child support and shit.

–Queens bound 7 Train

Hoochie with baby: As soon as he came outta me and I saw what color he was, oh no, I knew who his daddy was. But I love the shit outta my son.

–R Train

Little girl: When I don’t want to listen to my dad I just say ‘Talk to the hand!’

–Wooster St & Spring St

Little kid in stroller: Dad, is this us?

–Inside subway car on NYC subway IRT line at 34 thst stop

Overheard by: Steve Grant

I Get by with a Little Help from My Wednesday One-Liners

Mom to kid making weird sound: Stop it! That’s how you don’t make friends!

–Grocery Store

Overheard by: beth

Street guy: Yeah man, I remember you now! Sometimes it’s hard separating friends from people.

–West 46th St.

Overheard by: JGL

Drunk guy talking to cop about his drunk friend hiding behind a lightpost: Can you see him? Can you see my friend, fucker? Damn straight you can’t, he’s got his camouflage on bitch.

–1St & 1St

Overheard by: Erik & Sam

Girl on cell: I don’t even have friends!

–14th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: trix b

Hipster girl: I have a friend who went down on a cab driver…Actually, I have two friends who have gone down on cab drivers!

–Upper West Side

Asian nerd #1 to Asian nerd #2: You are by far the most powerful Jew I’ve ever befriended.

–Columbia Campus

Overheard by: double take

We Recommend 8 Hours of Wednesday One-Liners a Night

Restaurant patron: Wait, you are telling me you never wake up in the middle of the night and think you’re still in jail?

–Mottsu Soho

Overheard by: J

Guy on cell: I’ll be there in a few hours. No! Just wait! I mean can you please just not sleep all day again for three seconds?

–Canal St

Hobo: Sorry to disturb y’all! If you look at me closely, you will see some red marks. I was sleeping on the ground for a couple of days and I did not know that if you smell like food, those big rats will bite you.

–B Train

Overheard by: Jamie Paquette

Guy on cell: Hi. I’m just calling to say . . . ummm . . . I feel really bad about how things are going, how things have been. I don’t know if you got any sleep last night. I know I didn’t. But I guess I turned it to my best advantage, because I just gave the most amazing lecture. I talked for two and a half hours! So I guess I’m not totally useless to everyone.

–Chelsea Station Post Office

Anorexic dancer: Yeah, but I can’t wake up without toilet paper.
Friend: …..
Anorexic dancer: It makes sense to me.

–Meredith Wilson Residence Hall, Juilliard School

Overheard by: cherry

Patron to bartender: I mean, I sleep till 3 p.m., but that’s because I drink and do coke all the time. . . . I guess they do too!

–Barracuda

Wednesday One-Liners are Skin Deep, at Best

Guy, to twin girls: She’s the pretty one.

–8th & Hudson

Overheard by: Michelle

Hobo: Hey, baby! Oh, maaaan. You so gorgeous. I wanna paint you red. You wait. I’m gonna paint you red tonight.

–20th between 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Baby

Hobo to hot girl: I’ve been prairie dogging it the whole train ride, but I just want to tell you that you’re beautiful.

–34th St N station

Overheard by: Lara

Guy on cell: She’s good looking, but not too smart — like Jessica Simpson. Not as dumb as her, but not as hot either, so I guess it kind of evens out.

–Duane Reade, 27th & Madison

Suit to friend: But I was prettier back then.

–Church & Chambers

Guy: Hey, gorgeous, how ya doin’?

Woman ignores him.

Guy: Well, well, well, aren’t we full of ourselves…

–14th & Broadway

Dude: I only went out with her because she knows some hot lesbians.

–Hunter College

Look to Your Right and Left, NYU Class of 2010: One of You Wednesday One-Liners Will be Gone by Spring

NYU kid: I’m waiting for a roomba that runs on solar.

–Washington Square

NYU hipster: Do you ever find a little self-deprecation to be charming?

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Joey Gillis

NYU chick: I drink Sprite not Pepsi because you know, it’s colorless so there’s no fat or calories so I can stay thin. You drink Pepsi and that’s brown and thick so it’s got carbs.

–NYU dorm

Overheard by: Low Fat Soda

NYU girl: I don’t like that sour is attached to cream; don’t let the fucking cream go sour!

–Williams & Wall

Overheard by: Genevieve

NYU girl: So they call it a keg stand…they hold your legs up and you’re just supposed to drink out of the spout thingy. SOOOOOO weird, but the guy was hot so I did it.

–W 4th St

NYU student: So I said, "I don’t care what time it is, you are supposed to be a lesbian!"

–Union Square Whole Foods

Overheard by: Batman

NYU girl: Yeah, she did kinda look like a lesbian. I mean, she had really bad posture.

–Church & Murray

Overheard by: Jason

Wednesday One-Liners Didn’t Listen to Nancy Reagan

Black guy on cell: Yea! Yea! He just called me up. I was like, "Yo, stop callin me up"… Yea!…. Yea my sister’s on crack!

–Houston & Essex

Overheard by: saywhat?

Suit: Well, I’m a drug dealer, so I have a phone for each kind: a pot phone, a coke phone, you know…

–R train

Queer on cell: Oh my God. I left the check at home. I am such a fucking idiot. I am such a FUCKING idiot! Yeah, I’ll be there at six. Ok. I’ll bring you E and orange juice.

–Bank of America, 6th Ave

Overheard by: CarrieBoo

Bum: Hey… can you spare me $20 dollars, so I can buy some crack cocaine? I mean, I’ll share it with you. I have enough for a 10 but I want a chicken head to slob on my knob while I take a hit…

–96th St Subway Station 1,2,3

Overheard by: Franco

Smooth talker: So my ex-girlfriend was a blonde Long Islander cokehead and now here I am with you. So you can see this is a real step down.

–Les Enfants Terrible, Canal & Ludlow

Overheard by: wants to meet the ex

Hipster: You OD’d? WHERE?

–14th & 6th

Bitter ex: And fuck him and his fuckin’ wooden leg that I didn’t even know he sold crack out of!

–80th & 3rd

Disgusted hipster: I mean, I only do drugs as a joke!

–14th St L station

Overheard by: Em

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist