Woman: Well, they can run like $400 a ticket.
Man: $400 a ticket? Christ, woman, you’re gonna make me have a baby!
–51st & Broadway
Overheard by: Morgan & Pam Bays
Woman: Well, they can run like $400 a ticket.
Man: $400 a ticket? Christ, woman, you’re gonna make me have a baby!
–51st & Broadway
Overheard by: Morgan & Pam Bays
God Squad lady: Lord, help me. I don’t know which way to turn.
Guy: Turn left.
–Penn Station
White woman: Hi, are you Jermaine?
White male nurse: Do I look like a Jermaine to you?
–ER, Columbia Presbyterian
Overheard by: Ann
Headline by: Jared Rizzi
Runners-Up:
· “He’s Already Calling Himself Jasmine Before the Sex-Change Has Even Started.” – johnny-G
· “I’m Michael, Dammit!” – davey j.
· “My Name Tag Clearly Reads “Michael Jackson: Pediatrics”” – Matt T.
· “No, But How Many Male Nurses Are on Staff Here?” – Mike Duh Medic
· “You Look More Like an Asshole, but I Thought I’d Give You the Benefit Of the Doubt” – I never win
Woman: It’s about an old depressed cat and her friends put her in a tire and shoot her to heaven.
–R train
Overheard by: Misha Lonergan
Lady: Excuse me, but I’m looking for a book.
Store chick: And?
Lady: I don’t remember the title or author, but the cover is purple.
Store chick: Our purple books are downstairs.
Lady: They sent me up here.
Store chick: We’re sold out of purple books. You want something in a yellow?
–Barnes & Noble, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Gradie Smith
Nanny #1: Who were you named after, Paulette?
Nanny #2: My father.
Nanny #1: Oh, what was his name?
Nanny #2: Ette.
–Washington Square Park
Lady: A lot of people came off this train. Why aren’t you people moving in?
Guy: There’s a baby stroller in the back.
Lady: Well, they should move it. Move it over to the side!
Guy: Move a tiny infant baby? Everybody, look! This lady right here is the Antichrist! Move the baby? You the Antichrist!
–6 train
Teacher lady: What a deep, deep black!
Girl #1: Black like my soul.
Teacher lady: Maybe you should try pencil.
Girl #2: Wait what did you say?
Girl #1: It’s black like my soul.
Girl #2: You should get a kitty.
–Dominican Academy, East 68th Street
Overheard by: cemo
Man: You wore red panties to your brother’s funeral?
Woman: Yeah, I wore green shoes too…You wanna say something about it?
Man: Oh…very…Christmasy.
Woman: I thought you were Jewish?
Man: Well, I am. But I’ve heard of Christmas before!
–Canal & Mulberry
Black woman: My god. This bagel is hard as a rock!…I mean I can’t eat this shit. Can you eat this shit?
White guy: I’ll eat it.
Black woman: Ugh.
White guy: Well if you dont want to eat it, I’ll eat it. I’m hungry.
Black woman: I’m just sayin’ it’s the worst goddamn bagel I’ve ever had.
White guy: Honey, it’s from Dunkin’ Donuts. What do you expect? Domino’s ain’t good pizza and Olive Garden ain’t good Italian, either.
White chick: Dude! Next thing I know you’ll be telling her there is no Santa Claus. Go easy.
–Borough Hall 4/5 station
Overheard by: phil j
