Woman: I know. Haven’t they figured out yet that if you hang around The Nation long enough, you’ll get hired?
Man: They hire anyone.
–elevator, The Nation building
Woman: I know. Haven’t they figured out yet that if you hang around The Nation long enough, you’ll get hired?
Man: They hire anyone.
–elevator, The Nation building
Woman on speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, there is an express bound…
[Long pause]
Woman on speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, there is an express bound Manhattan train…oh damnit.
[long pause]
Woman on speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, there is an express bound Manhattan train approaching Nevins Avenue.
Guy: It’s Nevins Street, lady! The stop before that is Atlantic Avenue.
Lady: That person needs to go the fuck back on strike. She went 0 for fucking 3.
–Nevins Street station
Overheard by: Luke
Woman on cell: No, I mean, whatever. I cried for that baby when it died and all. Shit! I even went to its funeral and the damn thing wasn’t even born! Who the fuck has a funeral for a baby that wasn’t even born?…Whatever, that’s not the point. The point is, I’m sure as hell not going to a birthday party for a baby whose funeral I went to a year ago. That is fucking morbid…and they had better not be expecting presents.
–14th between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: Laura Mathis
Girl on cell: Wait, was this the eating disorder cousin or the crack dealer cousin?…Oh, she’s having a baby? Wow, I hope it doesn’t die.
–Waverly & University
Asian chick: Like you’ve ever even seen a baby prostitute.
–56th between 5th & 6th
Guy: No, she was four months pregnant when I started dating her. But I certainly did bathe the baby in sperm!
–Hungarian Pastry Shop, Amsterdam Avenue
Girl: I’m not sure, but we are thinking of putting the baby in the closet; it’s small but we can fit a crib in there and keep the door open.
–12th Street & 3rd Avenue
Teen girl: It was the saddest thing ever. It was almost as sad as watching a baby cough.
–F train
Overheard by: drewseph
Chick: Omigod, I totally want an Asian baby. Asians make the best mixers. Like vodka.
–49th & 10th
Overheard by: Uncle Jimmy
Lady: I was fighting with this guy and his dog was in the room; that dog bit me.
–Cobble Hill
Overheard by: d.luxxe
Guy #1: Is she blind or something?
Guy #2: No, she’s Christian.
Guy #1: Oh…Same thing I guess.
–11th & B
Teen boy: Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, my name is Dwayne and I am in a program that keeps me and other kids like me off the street. They have us sell candy for $1. All profits go directly to the youth program that keeps us off the street. If you would like to purchase Snickers, Twix or Starburst, they are only $1.
Hobo: Hey, lady! Hey, fat lady! Buy some candy. You like candy, don’t you? Fat lady! Get some candy! Get some!
Lady: Asshole.
–6 train
Overheard by: Lydia M
Woman: I mean, what kind of person marches their daughter into their sixth grade class and announces that their daughter just ate a whole chicken? Who does that? I never forgave her for that.
–Nails & More, Broadway between 98th & 99th
Overheard by: Jennifer Anderson
Tourist lady #1: Sweeney Todd…I heard that’s a spoof on a cooking show.
Tourist lady #2: Oh, is it about Julia Child?
Tourist lady #1: I think so.
–49th between Broadway & 8th
Woman: The color of the car is not burgundy; it’s purple.
Man: No, I think it’s burgundy.
Woman: No, it’s purple. I should know what purple is, I used to have purple hair.
Man: …You had purple hair?…When did you have purple hair?
–58th between 8th & 9th
Nancy Bass: I’m pleased to welcome David Foster Wallace to our store. Recently, in the New York Times, renowned reviewer Ma…cocoa… Kaku…chooni…?
Thereupon David Foster Wallace gave the thumbs up.
–The Strand
