NYC woman: We’re here!
Southern tourist bimbo: Laura, I thought we were here to get cheap fake purses?
NYC woman: We are — this is Chinatown.
Southern tourist bimbo: Why are there so many Chinese people?
NYC woman, slowly: This is Chinatown…
Southern tourist bimbo: Laura! You know I hate Chinese people!
–Canal St
Overheard by: The Wizard
Chick: Are you hitting on me?
Guy: Do you have a boyfriend?
Chick: Do you know Eric Thompson*?
Guy: Nah, is he your boyfriend?
Chick: It’s complicated. Whatever, I’m gonna go pee [leaves].
Guy, reporting to group of friends: Yo, so I’m hitting on this girl, right? And then she stops me and is like, ‘Yo, are you hitting on me?’
Chick, opening bathroom door: Asshole, I hear you taking about me.
Guy: Shut up and go take a piss, bitch.
–Party, 116th & Broadway
Irish Guy #1: Did you see Peaches last week?
Irish Guy #2: Yeah.
Irish Guy #1: Mank. But I’d still give her the fuck.
Headline by: International Man of Leisure
Runners-Up:
· “’tis the fuck o’ the Irish” – brian brinegar
· “And also, presumably, the cream” – lauren
· “May the bitch rise up to meet your cock” – Drewster
· “Mick Wanker Dicks Mank Yank Skank” – Rod W
· “Yeah, I’d hit the pit!” – janine
Disgruntled man: Fuck that.
Disgruntled woman: I know. You know she a Arabic, so she don’t care about us.
Disgruntled man: Why the fuck they let that kind of people work there?
–Elevator, Children’s Services, 125th & Lenox
Angry black lady: I’m gonna 69 that motherfucker!
Friend: What?!
Angry black lady: I mean, 68 or 67 or… I dunno. Star 67! That way the bitch won’t know it’s me callin’.
–City Hall Park
Overheard by: This is what makes New York City so great
Guy #1: So you have a girlfriend?
Guy #2: Yes, but I cheat on her. We have been dating for six years so I feel entitled,
naturally.
–43rd St & 10th Ave
Chick #1 overlooking the Women’s Wheelchair finals: Are they over there playing tennis in wheelchairs?
Chick #2: Yeah, I think they are.
Chick #1: Oh, please, you know they’re pushing those chairs with their feet.
–US Open, Queens
Overheard by: Working on my backhand
Man in Who shirt: Whoa! I didn’t see that shirt! That’s a cool one!
Man with French accent: Oh, yeah, I got this one at the show in France.
Man in Who shirt: Were they screaming as loud as we were tonight?
Man with French accent: No, we put our hands over our heads and snap our fingers and say ‘Ooh-la-la.’
His wife: What’d you have to do that for? You don’t have to fuck around with everyone on the street!
Man with French accent, now speaking in Brooklyn accent: What’s the fun of wearing a fake, five-dollar Chinatown Who shirt if I’m not gonna make fun of those assholes in the process?
–Pizza shop outside MSG after the Who show
Activist: Would you like to take a stand against gender-based violence?
Man: No thanks, I’m all set.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Jujubee
Girl, squealing: You may kiss me, I consent!
Guy: I’d rather have a dwarf chew off my balls. I hate you.
–Museum of Sex
