20-something girl with mom, hands full: Could you hit One for me?
Man, pushing button: You’re welcome.
20-something girl: Oh! Thank you.
Man: Learn some manners.
20-something girl: Man, I’d tell you to fuck yourself if my mom wasn’t with me.
–20th St & 1st Ave
Jerk in back row: Paul McCartney should have stopped after the Beatles. I mean, what the fuck else good did he do after that? Nothing. Not a goddamn thing. He couldn’t go from point A to point B. What’s the shortest distance from A to B, again? Like, the hypotenuse of a triangle? He never found the hypotenuse without Lennon.
Annoyed man in front of him: Dude, the hypotenuse is the longest side. Now shut the fuck up.
Annoyed man’s girlfriend: That was so hot.
–Carnegie Hall
Chick: Good-bye [departs train].
Guy #1: Good-bye.
Guy #2: Eddie*, your sister is really pretty.
Guy #3: Don’t call her that — ‘pretty’ is something you say about nice girls, not whores like that.
Eddie: What are you talking about?
Guy #3: Ed, don’t take it out on me, but at Dave’s birthday party your sister was in the bedroom working for 10 dollars.
Eddie: … I’m gonna kill Dave. Why didn’t you tell me about this?!
Guy #3: Because she was right there! [Silence, then Eddie departs.]Guy #2: 10 dollars? What’s her phone number? I’ve got 10 dollars.
Guy #3: I know, best 10 bucks I ever spent.
–D train
NYC woman: We’re here!
Southern tourist bimbo: Laura, I thought we were here to get cheap fake purses?
NYC woman: We are — this is Chinatown.
Southern tourist bimbo: Why are there so many Chinese people?
NYC woman, slowly: This is Chinatown…
Southern tourist bimbo: Laura! You know I hate Chinese people!
–Canal St
Overheard by: The Wizard
Chick: Are you hitting on me?
Guy: Do you have a boyfriend?
Chick: Do you know Eric Thompson*?
Guy: Nah, is he your boyfriend?
Chick: It’s complicated. Whatever, I’m gonna go pee [leaves].
Guy, reporting to group of friends: Yo, so I’m hitting on this girl, right? And then she stops me and is like, ‘Yo, are you hitting on me?’
Chick, opening bathroom door: Asshole, I hear you taking about me.
Guy: Shut up and go take a piss, bitch.
–Party, 116th & Broadway
Irish Guy #1: Did you see Peaches last week?
Irish Guy #2: Yeah.
Irish Guy #1: Mank. But I’d still give her the fuck.
Headline by: International Man of Leisure
Runners-Up:
· “’tis the fuck o’ the Irish” – brian brinegar
· “And also, presumably, the cream” – lauren
· “May the bitch rise up to meet your cock” – Drewster
· “Mick Wanker Dicks Mank Yank Skank” – Rod W
· “Yeah, I’d hit the pit!” – janine
Disgruntled man: Fuck that.
Disgruntled woman: I know. You know she a Arabic, so she don’t care about us.
Disgruntled man: Why the fuck they let that kind of people work there?
–Elevator, Children’s Services, 125th & Lenox
Angry black lady: I’m gonna 69 that motherfucker!
Friend: What?!
Angry black lady: I mean, 68 or 67 or… I dunno. Star 67! That way the bitch won’t know it’s me callin’.
–City Hall Park
Overheard by: This is what makes New York City so great
Guy #1: So you have a girlfriend?
Guy #2: Yes, but I cheat on her. We have been dating for six years so I feel entitled,
naturally.
–43rd St & 10th Ave
Chick #1 overlooking the Women’s Wheelchair finals: Are they over there playing tennis in wheelchairs?
Chick #2: Yeah, I think they are.
Chick #1: Oh, please, you know they’re pushing those chairs with their feet.
–US Open, Queens
Overheard by: Working on my backhand
