WASP #1: You look so tan!
WASP #2: Oh, no, it’s actually just high blood pressure.
WASP #3: Well, it sure suits you!
–Armory Show
Overheard by: Elizabeth
WASP #1: You look so tan!
WASP #2: Oh, no, it’s actually just high blood pressure.
WASP #3: Well, it sure suits you!
–Armory Show
Overheard by: Elizabeth
Woman, about Kate Moss photo: At the time they don’t think that you’re on drugs, they just think that you’re beautiful.
–Brooklyn Museum
Overheard by: Harried Visitor
Old woman to another: He had a beautiful, beautiful body, a handsome face, and a big old dick that would just kill ya!
–14th & Broadway
Overheard by: rita
Perfume seller: Designer perfume! Five dollars. Only five dollars. Discounts for pretty ladies. [Looks at lady passerby] For you… $4.99.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Renea
Guy to chick with him: I’d hold your hand, but my heart hates uggoes.
–67th & 1st
Girl watching two hot Mormon guys walk by: I think it evens out. I have actually seen ugly Mormons.
–Flatbush & 5th Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: stephanie k
Dude: Yeah, she’s not ugly, but she’s definitely not pretty. But she wants me to set her up with one of my friends. I told her that they’re all either married or ugly, but then I realized I should set her up with one of the uglies because it’ll help her self esteem.
–Rangers Game, Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Veronica
Hoochie: I mean, he’s not the ugliest guy I’ve made out with. I made out with a guy who looked like Alf.
–Time Warner Center
Overheard by: Tater Tot
Old guy: I’m a good judge of character. That’s why I never talk to her. That and because she’s got a face like a foot. I never talk to ugly people.
–Viacom elevator, 1515 Broadway
Burly guy: I drove Lucy Liu around in her trailer for six weeks.
Columbia student: Really? She’s cute.
Burly guy: Yeah, she’s cute. But then you see her with her makeup off and you’re like, ‘I’ll have the chicken with broccoli.’
–Nussbaum & Wu, 113th & Broadway
Middle-aged man #1: I don’t know what happened to her. Man, I’ve never seen such a downfall. One minute she’s smokin’ hot, and now she’s all tired and saggy.
Middle-aged man #2: But you’d still do her.
Middle-aged man #1: Fuck yeah. It’d be a great story.
–V train
Teen boy #1: Would you do Jane?
Teen boy #2: Well, she’s pretty hot… Got nice tits and all, but don’t you consider diabetes a turn-off?
Teen boy #1: Yeah, dude, totally.
–Metro-North, 125th St stop
Overheard by: Ek CrIsp
Blonde: We need to cover loads of ground if we want an agent to poach us.
Friend: Why can’t we just go pay for one?
Blonde: They totally just walk the streets looking for hot people and pay them to become models.
Friend: And what are the odds we are gonna just run into one?
Blonde: Trust me, they’re everywhere. They drive around in vans looking for people to audition.
Friend: Please tell me you haven’t been picked up by one of these ‘agents’ before!
–Brooklyn Heights Promenade
Yuppie #1: Dude, my new girlfriend is really hot.
Yuppie #2: Yeah, but what’s her personality like?
Yuppie #1: Well, she’s an interior decorator…
Yuppie #2: Oh.
–4 train
Overheard by: Steve
Chick pointing to friend wearing Nike Air Force Ones: Girl, I can’t believe you had rough sex in those shoes!
Guy passerby: That shit’s disgusting! That girl’s disgusting!
–42nd & Broadway
Thug: This is a fuckin’ Kodak moment, man [snaps picture of fellow thug with camera phone].
–Bleecker & McDougal
Overheard by: acep
Drunk ferry operator holding a camera: I am the shutterbug. S-H-utterbug.
–2 Toms Restaurant, Park Slope
Suit on cell: Hey, sweetie, I found your Army helmet in my car. Did you find my shirt? … Because you poured beer in my ear. Why? No idea — I was going to ask you. I can’t wait to see the moustache pictures.
–Wall St
Overheard by: Wants to see the pics
Chick on cell: I thought I told you to never call me again, and here I look down at my phone and guess who it is?! … After those pictures you sent me?!
–Bleecker & Hudson
Overheard by: Me, Myself, Personally
20-year-old thug to friend: Yeah, she’s the prettiest. When she’s sucking on my dick and looks up, you just wanna take a picture.
–Queens-bound E platform, 14th St station
Overheard by: Nikki W
Gold-digging wife to gal pals: I am totally not going to Vegas for Jenny’s bachelorette party. Can you imagine the photos that could potentially be used in a future divorce proceeding?
–Del Posto Restaurant
