Hipster girl #1: I was blowing him and it was taking, like, 20 minutes, so I finally told him to hurry up since my jaw was hurting.
Hipster girl #2: I hate that! How can they take that long to just finish?
Suit nearby: If you would do it right, it would only take two minutes.
–2 train
Overheard by: TP
Bag lady: You look like you got a shitty job!
Suit: Do you even have a job?
Bag lady: Oh, yeah, I do all kinds of jobs. Hand jobs, blowjobs, foot jobs…
Suit: That’s not what I meant–
Bag lady: –Tit jobs…
–6 train
Overheard by: Digeridude
Hoochie: He thought I was boring because I wouldn’t blow him.
–34th & 6th
Hot girl #1: Oh my god! He spent the night last night?! Did you have sex?!
Hot girl #2: No, no sex.
Hot girl #1: Well, did you touch his penis?
Hot girl #2: Well, yeah… With my mouth.
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Lady bus driver on cell: Tell everybody in Intelligence they can all get their dicks sucked.
–West-bound crosstown bus,14th St
Overheard by: Kate
Man on cell: Having your dick sucked poorly for 10 minutes and then watching him fuck your girlfriend can be fun in moderation, but after a while it just gets old.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Still laughing
Guy with chick: All I know is I have two finals, she’ll give me a blowjob to relax me, and I’ll go home and take a nap.
–A train
Woman on phone: So, I was given 30 minutes for pizza, right? And I leave my office, look over, and she is sucking his fucking dick.
–Target
Overheard by: Jooshua
Hipster: Yeah, like five tranny vampires sucked my dick within 10 minutes of walking into that place.
–Beauty bar
Straight guy: Yeah, I think I’d suck Jabba the Hut’s dick.
–Houston & Ave A
Overheard by: Karin
Chubby Asian girl: I just don’t know, Dani* — if you start out giving him head, I don’t see what I’m supposed to do.
Ghetto girl: You s’posed to shut the fuck up and eat my pussy, bitch.
Chubby Asian girl: Oh, okay.
–Starbucks, St. Mark’s Pl
30-ish investment banker on cell: She had so much makeup on her face she looked like she had just blown 20 clowns.
–44th & Park
Girl #1: Did you hook up with Josh last weekend?
Girl #2: Yeah, we got really drunk and I blew him and we did anal. I dunno if I want to lose my virginity with him, though.
–86th St, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Kandiru
Bimbette: Yeah, well, I don’t give head.
Guy: Oh, why? You don’t like it?
Bimbette: No, it’s just that I’m afraid to get pregnant!
–78th & 41st
Overheard by: rain
Girlfriend: Ugh, I have the worst taste in my mouth.
Boyfriend: That’s ’cause you’re a whore.
Girlfriend: … I don’t get it.
Boyfriend: Your mouth tastes bad ’cause you suck too much cock.
Girlfriend: Oh my god! You’re such an asshole!
Boyfriend: I love you, baby.
–Shea Stadium
Overheard by: sweetpea
