BJs

Wednesday One-Liners Just Wanted Boys to Like Them

Lady bus driver on cell: Tell everybody in Intelligence they can all get their dicks sucked.

–West-bound crosstown bus,14th St

Overheard by: Kate

Man on cell: Having your dick sucked poorly for 10 minutes and then watching him fuck your girlfriend can be fun in moderation, but after a while it just gets old.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Still laughing

Guy with chick: All I know is I have two finals, she’ll give me a blowjob to relax me, and I’ll go home and take a nap.

–A train

Woman on phone: So, I was given 30 minutes for pizza, right? And I leave my office, look over, and she is sucking his fucking dick.

–Target

Overheard by: Jooshua

Hipster: Yeah, like five tranny vampires sucked my dick within 10 minutes of walking into that place.

–Beauty bar

Straight guy: Yeah, I think I’d suck Jabba the Hut’s dick.

–Houston & Ave A

Overheard by: Karin

A Courier Will Deliver Further Instructions

Chubby Asian girl: I just don’t know, Dani* — if you start out giving him head, I don’t see what I’m supposed to do.
Ghetto girl: You s’posed to shut the fuck up and eat my pussy, bitch.
Chubby Asian girl: Oh, okay.

–Starbucks, St. Mark’s Pl

In Other Words, Everyone in the Back Seat

30-ish investment banker on cell: She had so much makeup on her face she looked like she had just blown 20 clowns.

–44th & Park

Saving Yourself for Somebody Else’s Husband?

Girl #1: Did you hook up with Josh last weekend?
Girl #2: Yeah, we got really drunk and I blew him and we did anal. I dunno if I want to lose my virginity with him, though.

–86th St, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Kandiru

I’m Just Not Ready to Lay Eggs at This Point in My Life

Bimbette: Yeah, well, I don’t give head.
Guy: Oh, why? You don’t like it?
Bimbette: No, it’s just that I’m afraid to get pregnant!

–78th & 41st

Overheard by: rain

I Told You I Have a Protein Deficiency, Okay?

Girlfriend: Ugh, I have the worst taste in my mouth.
Boyfriend: That’s ’cause you’re a whore.
Girlfriend: … I don’t get it.
Boyfriend: Your mouth tastes bad ’cause you suck too much cock.
Girlfriend: Oh my god! You’re such an asshole!
Boyfriend: I love you, baby.

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: sweetpea

Guess You Haven’t Interviewed in a While

Hobo to male passerby: Spare change? Anything helps — God bless.
Passerby: Get a job.
Hobo: Get on your knees and give me a job!

–72nd & Broadway

Tonight I’m Sitting on the Bed Post and Hitting Myself with a Hammer

Queer: Oh my god, he fucked me so hard last night.
Friend: Wait — how hard?
Queer: Like, he literally fucked the shit out of me. He, like, knocked my tooth out and then I swallowed it when I gave him head. And then the next day I had to shit out the tooth.
Friend: Oh my god.

–114th & Amsterdam

Let’s Just Use the Mind-Control Device Again

Guy #1: So, I heard this blowjob technique that sounds pretty cool, but I don’t know how to tell my girlfriend without sounding pushy.
Guy #2: Well, maybe I could do it for you.
Guy #1: Dude… That’s gay.
Guy #2: No! I meant I could tell your girlfriend for you, not do it to you!
Guy #1: Oh… Well, that’s just awkward, then.

–A train

And I Stuck to Relatively Clean Dick

Teen girl: Man, I didn’t do anything this week to make me less sick.
Teen guy: Yeah, you smoked, drank, and sucked dick.
Teen girl: I didn’t drink.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Bryan

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist