Asian Kid: The fucking Triads are on your tail, bitch. Run!
Hispanic Kid: Fuck that! The Latin Kings will pump lead into your asses.
Black Kid: Nah, the Bloods and Crips will beat you down.
Jewish Kid: Yo…Um…I’ll get my yarmulke peoples to smack you all, son. What now nigga spic chink bitch ho? Suck my matzoh balls, bitch!
–Canal Street
Overheard by: Jonathan Harris
Screaming Black woman: Don’t you raise a knife to me! Don’t threaten me! That is not professional service! Don’t you know how to serve customers? Never raise a knife to a customer! You’re just lucky that there isn’t a black man in here.
–To the man behind the counter in Dunkin Donuts, downtown Brooklyn
A black girl tries to squeeze past twin asian chicks and a little asian boy to get into the train.
Black girl: Do you mind?
Asian chick #1: Don’t be rude, can’t you go around us?
Black girl: I don’t move around people; they move around me.
Asian chick #1: You’re inside now, so please stop yelling at us.
Black girl: You are so rude! Is that how you talk to people in front of your child?
Asian chick #1: You know, I’m tired of listening to your crap. Talk to the hand.
Asian boy: Yeah, you talk too much. Talk to the hand!
–A train
Guy driving by: Is that the line for the liquor store?!
Large black lady in fancy fur coat: Naw, it's for cheese, muthafucka!
–Outside Liquor Store, 145th and Broadway
Overheard by: Madame Veuve Cliquot
Five-year-old black girl: Let's play I spy!
Six-year-old black girl: I spy… Something brown!
Five-year-old black girl: The chair!
Six-year-old black girl: No.
Five-year-old black girl: The door!
Six-year-old black girl: No.
Five-year-old black girl: Us!
Six-year-old black girl: No… We're black, stupid!
–Waiting Room, Eye & Ear Hospital
Black man in suit and expensive loafers, on cell: Bring me the box, unopened. (cackles) Bring it to me.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Samantha
Short Asian man to tall black man: You play basketball?
Tall black man: You fix computers?
–Starbucks
Girl to roommate, after dog-sitting: I'm sad… I don't have anyone to stick their wet nose in my tushy.
–96th St & West End
Guy dressed as Santa: I just need my butt to evaporate.
–6th Ave & Waverly
Older black dude to another: She know I ain't go fuck with her, as big as her ass is.
–10th Ave & 28th St
Overheard by: julie
Frustrated tall boy: Does it look like I have an ass? No! It does not!
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny Lawrence
Queen #1: What the fuck, girl, did you not look in the mirror before walkin' out da house? Those shoes do not match that shirt!
Queen #2, with sass: You obviously did look in the mirror, because that shirt (points at dark yellow shirt) matches your teeth perfectly.
–F Train
Girl #1: I've never even kissed a boy before!
Girls #2 and #3, in unison: Me either!
Stranger walking by to boy with three girls: Better get yo ass up in it!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Pawrappa the Mappa
