Inmates in NYPD corrections bus: Give me a kiss, baby! Come on, I need it! Hey, nice toenails, sweetheart!
Girl passerby, to friend: Well, I did just paint them last night.
–Chinatown
Inmates in NYPD corrections bus: Give me a kiss, baby! Come on, I need it! Hey, nice toenails, sweetheart!
Girl passerby, to friend: Well, I did just paint them last night.
–Chinatown
Girl cooing at boyfriend: You know, I just wanted a mature guy — they’re so rare! And you’re very mature in your outlook.
Boyfriend: I am mature. I’m glad you see th– Oh, look — Playboy Enterprises!
–5th Ave
Girl: Ugh! Can I hang myself with your tie, please?
Guy: No! I love this tie!
–110th & Manhattan
Overheard by: Chrissy
Headline by: axc
Runners-Up:
· “But Here’s a Shoelace. And a Gun. And Some Pills…” – Laura
· “But I’m So Over This Kitchen Knife…” – Rod W
· “It’s Hard Getting That “Desparate Chick” Smell Out Of Your Laundry” – Dagre
· “It’s Not Like I’m Taking It with Me…” – mo
· “Lives Come and Go, But Argyle Is Forever” – Patrick
· “Use This Noose I Hate.” – pbump
Vampire: Your ass looks great in that costume.
French maid: You don’t even know me! [She starts making out with him.]
–W 4th & MacDougal
Girl crying on doorstep: Just leave so I can live my life!
Guy friend: I would, but I don’t think I should leave you. If anything, you should leave me so I know you’re okay.
Girl: That’s the gayest, most ’80s thing I’ve ever heard! [Guy, laughing hysterically, gets up and walks away.]Guy friend: Bravo — that was the best insult I’ve ever heard in my life!
–8th & Ave C
Girl: You’re so strong and handsome!
Guy: You’re so skinny and fuckable.
–East Village
Girl: I’ll have a dozen bagels.
Bagel guy: I can’t pass up on this opportunity. I have to tell you that you’re really cute.
Girl: [Blushes.]Bagel guy: Do you know what the difference between cute and not cute is?
Girl: … Nooo, what?
Bagel guy: Three bagels. [Hands girl 15 bagels.]
–Jumbo Bagels, 57th & 2nd
Overheard by: paid full price
Headline by: Billy Splatts!
Runners-Up:
· “Beauty’s in the Eye Of the Bagelholder” – JoAnne
· “Don’t Ask How I Made the Holes” – Duncan Pflaster
· “Funny, That Also Used to Be a Weight Watchers Slogan” – 2bagelscute
· “It’s Also the Difference Between Employed and Not Employed” – Caro
· “O! She Doth Teach The Toasters To Burn Bright” – Paul
· “That’s Funny Because That’s Also The Difference Between A Handjob And A Blowjob.” – BG
Charity worker: Help the homeless! [Androgynous person walks by] Even a pretty girl… boy… whatever-that-was can help!
–Times Square
Chick, wistfully: That was Vadim. He was from St. Petersburg. When we broke up he stole all my dresses.
–A train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Large black security guard, inspecting guy’s Sephora bag: You da man!
–Hayden Planetarium
Pierced 20-ish chick: So, the last time I pegged a guy he wouldn’t stop jabbering on and on about how much he loved trannies. It just made me shove in the strap-on harder.
–Delancey & Orchard
Overheard by: Californian
Guy: I sirred a ma’am today. But, in my defense, she was a very sir-able ma’am.
–33rd & Broadway
Guy #1: He almost got married to a 15-hundred-dollar a night hooker!
Guy #2: Really? So, what broke the deal?
Guy #1: He found out she was a 15-hundred-dollar a night hooker.
Guy #2: He wasn’t paying her the whole time?
Guy #1: Naw, he was getting it for free!
Guy #2: Awesome.
–122nd & Broadway
Older drunk, tightly hugging young guy: … And don’t think I’m gonna forget. When that happened, who gave me new underwears and washed my ass?
Younger guy, trying to get away: Man, just forget about that!
Older drunk: No! I’m not gonna forget about that!
–Greenpoint, Brooklyn
