Wednesday One-Liners Will Bring the Keg

Black tween girl: So, Jared was like, ‘What? You want a pizza party?’ and I said, ‘No, I want a party that I can pop, lock, and drop in.’ And then she goes, ‘Girl, I can pop and lock, but if I drop, I’ll drop.

–59th & Lex N/R/W stop

Overheard by: koala

Drunk guy on cell: What? Yeah, it’s always a great party… Hmmm… Let me think of who I have to sleep with to get you an invite…

–34th & 3rd

20-ish chick: I was telling the girls about how his cock unfurls like one of those party blowers, and then they happened to have those blowers at the New Year’s Eve party we went to, so I tormented them with one all night.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Late-30s guy: I’m the kind of guy who goes to parties and brags about my perky corneas.

–House party, S 8th St, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Guy on cell: Well, the funeral was Tuesday… Yeah, the party was that night.

–10th & 2nd

Overheard by: Suzz

Barbie type to tourist pals: It sucks — you guys are like two weeks late to party with Heath Ledger.

–2nd Ave, between E 6th & E 7th St

Overheard by: Ben

Posted on February 27, 2008
About Celebrities, Black People, Body Parts, Celebrations/Parties, Columbia (& Barnard), Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Death, Default, Drunks, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Penis, Sex & Relationships, The Village, Tweens, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Just Natural Selection Doing Its Job

Rider #1: I see so many girls I want to have sex with when I ride.
Rider #2: That’s because everyone out here is athletic.
Rider #1: Yeah!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Jeremy Willinger

Posted on February 25, 2008
Beauty, Central Park, Compliments, Default, Guys, Horny

From The Girls Next Door Outtakes

Guy: Daaamn, you da prettiest girl I seen all month. Come over here an’ talk to me.
Chick: Oh?
Guy: Shit, I’ma call you ‘Miss September.’

–151 Amsterdam

Overheard by: craps under my window

Posted on February 25, 2008
Beauty, Compliments, Default, Girls, Guys, Strangers, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

I’m Wednesday One-Liners, and I Approve This Message

Ghetto black chick: I’m Hillary Clinton! Where my niggas at?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: arose

30-ish black woman: She can tell me what book to buy… She can recommend a good bra… But Oprah telling me who to vote for? I don’t think so!

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: JoBell

Guido: I would blow Al Sharpton to be in my bed right now. I would caress Hillary Clinton’s asshole to be in my bed right now.

–F train

Overheard by: dat wint’ry mix

Hot chick: I mean, I love Bill Clinton, and I would have slept with him even last week, but he’s gone crazy!

–11th & 4th, Park Slope

Overheard by: bemused obama guy

Hobo: Hello! I am running for president! Vote for me and I’ll legalize marijuana! You can marry whoever you wanna!

–Deli, 12th & 6th

Overheard by: Nora, Bianca, and Ethan

Middle-aged white lady: Go Obama! Go Obama! I don’t know what he stands for, but I sure like to look at him!

–31st & Ditmars, Astoria

Overheard by: Scarfish

Black woman to male friend: I just find it ironic that a woman and a black man are running… And I’m going with the white guy.

–Café Mogador, East Village

Posted on February 20, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Compliments, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Gripes, Guidos, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Park Slope, Penn Station, Politics, President, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Weirdness, Women

I May Need to Report You to Homeland Security

Teen girl #1: I think Johnny Depp is so super hot! With all his dirty, disgusting hair in Pirates… Mmmm, so hot.
Teen girl #2: I don’t get it. I seem to be the only person who doesn’t find him cute.
Teen girl #1, very serious: I’ve never met anybody quite like you.

–R train

Overheard by: Jen

Posted on February 3, 2008
About Celebrities, Beauty, Compliments, Girls, Gripes, On the Subway, Teens

Wait ‘Til He Stumbles Upon the Human Elephantitis Gallery

Queer teen #1: Yo, when I went to Yellowstone, I took this pic of a buffalo from behind, so you can see the balls hangin’ down and everything! It’s awesome!
Queer teen #2: What? That’s the single worst thing I ever heard! You sick, man. Damn.
Queer teen #1: What the fuck are you talkin’ ’bout? It’s the best pic ever! I made it my desktop! Buffalo balls are cool!

–Garfield & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: Mike N

Posted on February 2, 2008
Animals & Nature, Balls, Compliments, Gripes, Park Slope, Queer guys, Teens, U.S. Geography

So Anyway, We’re Expecting Our First Child in June. Yuck.

Girl: … So then he was like, ‘Do you think I’m hot?’ and I was thinking, ‘Ewww,’ but instead I was like, ‘You’re cute,’ and he was like, ‘Yeah, I like you, too. You have a nice ass,’ and I was all, ‘Ewww!’
Friend: Oh, yeah! Like, the same thing happened to me!

–Queens College

Posted on February 1, 2008
Ass, Beauty, Bimbettes, Compliments, Friends, Girls, Gossip, Queens College

There Would Be No Further Booty Calls for Ian

American woman: I heard this song the other day — the lyrics were great.
British man: Hm?
American woman: It was almost as good as that one song — you know, that one that goes, ‘Ain’t no call like a booty call, ’cause a booty call just don’t stop.’
British man: Uh-huh.
American woman: The lyrics are all, ‘Looove is my religion. I’ll take you to the temple tonight.’
British man: Wow… Let’s just try to make some more really shitty metaphors, why don’t we?

–Choga, Bleecker St

Overheard by: Alice

Posted on January 31, 2008
Comebacks, Compliments, Foreigners, Men, Music, The Village, Women

But Don’t Quit Your Day Job

30-something mom: Here we are. Here we are. Get it? Here we arrre.
Five-year-old daughter: That’s a good one, Mommy.

–R train station, Union St

Overheard by: Tacologic

Posted on January 31, 2008
Compliments, Girls, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Get Their Learn On

Teen to another: Yo, if I pass in June, I’ll only be in high school five years! [Pounds fists with pal.]

–F train

Chick: I used to be a straight-A student until I realized I was just learning how to get A’s.

–Diner, Chelsea

Frat boy: There are still wedgies in Quaker school.

–19th & 5th

Overheard by: Jeff McCrum

Lunching chick: I mean, I only feel sort of responsible for their illiteracy. I am their teacher…

–Dishes Restaurant, 45th St

Overheard by: Literate

Teen: No lie, my nigga — I wrote a perfect essay! I wrote a perfect essay, nigga!

–Marte Valle Prep School, Stanton & Norfolk

Teacher giving tour: Back then it was very difficult to graduate from high school, and it still is, judging from the amount of people who drop out. Although a tree stump could graduate from Saint Ann’s… Okay, no one put that in the school newspaper quotes… Please…

–Chinatown

Posted on January 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chinatown, Compliments, Education, Elementary & Middle School, Frat Boys, Girls, On the Subway, Restaurants & Cafes, School, School and studying, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Teens, The Village, Time, Violence

Compliments