Big black man: I think I like you. You have an aura, a glow. I like you.
Little Asian girl: That’s just perspiration.
–Queens-bound E train
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
Big black man: I think I like you. You have an aura, a glow. I like you.
Little Asian girl: That’s just perspiration.
–Queens-bound E train
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
Fat lady elbowing her way onto train: Shit, they need to get some bigger subway cars.
–6 train, 28th St
Wife to hubby, after daughter got up from table: She still has a big ass and thighs, but she’s getting better.
–City Bakery, W 18th St
Overheard by: katherine
Man holding huge burger in small bun: Dude! This is like a fat man in spandex!
–Upper West Side
Blonde rubbing grouchy guy’s head: I’m sorry, baby, but you know how I get around fat people, and those two women were huge! Just disgusting!
–Metro-North
Overheard by: Ryan
Hobo: Anyone have a dollar? Anyone? I’m askin’ because all you ladies are beautiful. I don’t bother with ugly people or fat people! They just have problems. Their wife is cheating on them? It’s my fault! No, I just walk on by all those fat people.
–Brooklyn-bound L train
Overheard by: Colleen
Mom to six-year-old son: Junk food is crap. If you eat it, you will be fat. Like Mommy.
–Central Park
Thug to friends: Yo, it’s not like I’m gay! Just… the kid had some nice hair!
–Ave M, Q train stop
Overheard by: LoRna
Teen boy: Yo, near the pubic hair, son… That shit is phat!
–Southern Blvd, Bronx
Overheard by: E.J.
Seven-year-old blonde to friend: … And if you get it in your hair, you lose all your points!
–Washington Square West
Overheard by: SELENA
Asian 30-something on cell: Well, he doesn’t have any hair, so he better be good-looking.
–13th & 6th
Chick on cell: Masochistic hair to go with a masochistic gal. Aw!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McFreaky
Subway performer, finishing barbershop-quartet style song: We’d like to wish you all a beautiful afternoon. If any of you happen to run into Condoleezza Rice, please tell her we’ve got a sista in Harlem waitin’ to do her hair.
–R train
Overheard by: Marisa
Daughter: Oh, Mom! Look, there goes all those comic books kids are reading.
Mother: That’s a cult. Hurry up the escalator.
–Comic book section, Borders, 33rd & 7th
Patron: I just saw Dreamgirls.
Pianist: How was it?
Patron: So good it killed James Brown.
–Marie’s Crisis, 59 Grove St
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Big thug #1: … And I was like, ‘No fuckin’ way.’
Big thug #2: Yeah, nigga. That shit is like magic.
Big thug #1: I know, nigga. I did it. I went home and I ordered the new Harry Potter from Amazon. That shit came the next day. It was like magic.
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: h
Tourist woman #1, staring up at glass elevators in atrium: Oh my god, look at that!
Tourist woman #2, gasping: Oh my god!
Tourist woman #3: Wow! Will you look at that!
Tourist woman #2: They got those lights on ’em! It’s like The Matrix or something!
Tourist woman #1: Where’s Martha*?
Tourist woman #2: I think she’s over looking out the window.
Tourist woman #1: Okay… I guess we should go get her. [All stare silently for a moment.]Tourist woman #3, reluctantly tearing her eyes away: Come on.
Tourist woman #1: Yeah, okay. Wow.
Tourist woman #2: Yeah.
–8th floor lounge, Marriott Marquis, Times Square
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Thug: Damn, girl! What, you got some Irish blood in you?
Girl: Um, no…
Thug: Then what kind you got?
Girl: I’m Jewish.
Thug: Them Jews got it goin’ on!
–14th & 9th
Elderly tourist: This place is amazing. Exactly like Louisville.
Female companion: Yep. New York’s just like Louisville.
–W 4th & Greene
Girl #1: She’s such a fucking bitch.
Girl #2: She’s such a motherfucking bitch.
Girl #1: Yeah, but she’s hot.
Girl #2: Yeah, she’s really fucking hot.
–7th & Ave A
