Old lady #1: So how is everything?
Old lady #2: Everything is great but the sex.
–42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: John Mullan
Old lady #1: So how is everything?
Old lady #2: Everything is great but the sex.
–42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: John Mullan
College chick #1: He told me afterwards that he hadn’t masturbated all week but seriously, he came so much that it was oozing out of the base of the condom.
College chick #2: That’s so gross.
College chick #1: Yeah but that’s not the worst part, it had the consistency of yogurt.
College chick #2, awed: Man, yogurts…
College chick #1: Yeah it was kinda inspiring. Only also kinda horrible.
College chick #2: Wait, if the cum was coming out of the condom, doesn’t that mean you might get pregnant?
College chick #1: Yeah I guess, but I feel like that sperm kinda earned it, you know? I dunno if I could complain with sperm that um, fortitudinous.
College chick #2: Good word.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Sleazy guy: I love going to my dentist, the new one. The hygienist holds my hand while they’re giving me a shot. She talks to me. She pets me like a chinchilla. It’s fantastic.
–Elevator, 360 Park Avenue South
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Old man with pet lizard: Thirty-four years ago we got married. She had dental coverage. It’s very easy to find a girl with medical coverage… Dental, not so easy.
–77th St & 37th Ave, Jackson Heights
Overheard by: Gail Montemayor
Blonde tween: they usually take out 2 teeth before they put on the braces. They took 4 of mine. It felt great! I wanted ’em to take all of mine and be all gums.
–D Train
Overheard by: Going to keep those wisdom teeth a bit longer
Girl on cell: So I was able to brush my teeth without feeling like I was going to puke.
–77th and 2nd
Cleaning woman on cell phone: She is a butterface. You know, everything’s lookin’ good but her face. Her body is nice, but she has some ugly-ass, skanky ass face. I told her she ain’t gonna get no man without any teeth in her face. I told her she’s gotta get some nice grilles put all up in there.
–Atlantic Mall
Overheard by: jsillyfun
Ghetto girl spouting knowledge to friend: Sometimes, you just gotta bite your teeth, and turn the other head…
–4 train
Guy on acid: I can’t get the taste of teeth out of my mouth!
–Riverside Park
Overheard by: LSB
Guy #1: Well, from what he told me, Fox has expressed “concrete interest”.
Guy #2: I don’t know… A reality show about magicians?
Guy #1: I know, it could be really bad.
Guy #2: It could be really good though. Like, if they were alcoholics who beat their children…
–Elevator, 57th & Broadway
Overheard by: Dan
Professional woman #1: He’s great, he doesn’t mind my excess body hair.
Professional woman #2: Good men are so hard to find.
–48th St between 5th & 6th
Parsons student #1: He always said he’d dump me if I cheated.
Parsons student #2: Do you really think he’d dump you?
Parsons student #1: I cheated five times.
Parsons student #2: Jesus.
Parsons student #1: I’m easily flattered!
–Loeb Hall, E 12th St
Young guy to his friend: As least if she’s got diarrhea, I won’t need the lube.
Friend: Dude. That’s gross. Like I don’t want to talk about this anymore.
Guy: Well I mean it sounds gross and if you get past the smell, it’s pretty kick ass. Awesome texture man!
Friend: You’ve done this before?!
Guy: The first time, I didn’t want to. But afterwards, I was thinking of sneaking her laxatives cuz it was so rad. But dude! I lucked out, she has digestive issues!
Friend: What the hell did NYU do to you?
–F Train
Teen girl: So I found a picture of him on facebook, half-naked, being straddled by some fourteen-year-old with a bottle of Jack Daniels in her hand. I swear, my brother has all of my precocity, but none of my charm.
Older guy: Oh yeah, and none of your humility either.
–96th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: kids these days…
Dad in pet food aisle, near huge bags of kitty litter: You can’t haul that.
Son: 190 pounds of solid muscle, man.
Dad, snorting: Thought that was canoli.
–Key Food, 4th St & Avenue A
Overheard by: Michelle
Hardhat #1, feigning retching: Bleaahhhhhh!
Hardhat #2, laughing: Yeah, but truth be told, ain’t no one throw up as smooth as I do. Do you know anyone smoother?
Hardhat #1: You right, you do throw up smooth.
–Construction Site, 86th & 3rd
Overheard by: Barry
