Guy #1: Hey, what did you do this weekend?
Guy #2: Dude, I bought a crock pot.
Guy #1: Awesome.
–80 Hansen Pl, Brookyln
Guy #1: Hey, what did you do this weekend?
Guy #2: Dude, I bought a crock pot.
Guy #1: Awesome.
–80 Hansen Pl, Brookyln
Guy to friend, about Grindhouse double-feature: That was fucking awesome.
Old guy in front of them: You didn’t actually like that, did you?
Guy: I did! I thought it was hilarious.
Old guy: Yeah, it was as funny as a dead child’s toy.
–83rd & 2nd
Overheard by: don juan
Cute girl about upcoming CAT scan: There’s a part of me that’s actually a little excited… or at least interested, because, you know, it’s a new experience.
Friend: It will be an adventure. A medical adventure. Like House!
Girl: Except the doctor won’t be nearly as sexy as Hugh Laurie.
Friend: But he’ll have a better bedside manner.
Girl: It’d be worth the bedside manner if he were that sexy.
Friend: We’ve gotta stop watching that show. It gives us unrealistic expectations.
Girl: My mind right now is like 45% fear, 25% excitement, 15% rational thought, you know, that it’s probably not cancer, and the rest is Hugh Laurie and Robert Sean Leonard battling for my affections.
Friend: We’ve gotta stop watching that show.
–L Train
Overheard by: Jonah
Hipster guy: Have you ever been arrested?
Hipster girl: Yeah, when I was sixteen my friend and I got arrested for shoplifting. It really wasn’t that bad. The cops were super cool and we were all joking around and shit and our mugshots were actually pretty cute.
–HopScotch Cafe
Girl wearing leggings as pants: I love your watch… does it flip open?
(frail elderly woman looks confused)
Girl: That, your watch.
Frail elderly woman: This is my life alert. If I fall, I can call for help.
Girl: Oh! Uh… well, it goes really well with your outfit.
Frail elderly woman: It doesn't come it any other colors. Just beige.
–Houston & Bowery
Overheard by: misskitty
Blonde coed: After he finished yelling at me for a solid ten minutes, he's like, "So, do you want to be my girlfriend?"
–3rd Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: simon
Middle school girl to boy: I don't normally get with sixth graders, but you're different…
–10th St & 1st Ave
Woman on cell: You are not listening to me. (pause) When you say whatever it is you're bitching about', I know that you are not actually listening to me.
–Riverside Park
Guy on cell: I don't treat you quite as bad as you say.
–Amtrak
Overheard by: Flooey
Boyfriend, about girlfriend enthusiastically cheering on Colbert: Why don't you scream like that for me?
–The Colbert Report Set
Party girl to friend: So I asked my priest, and he said "I think you should see other people."
–Park Ave & 29th St
Overheard by: petey
UNICEF lady: Excuse me! You look like a nice lady!
Black lady: I’m not.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Shanaca
Gay guy #1: Nice shoes!
Gay guy #2: Thanks. I got them by doing sexual favors… just like everything else I own.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Julia
Guy to male friend: We believe that the better you look, the more spiritual you are.
–1st St & 5th Ave., Brooklyn
Overheard by: PrairieSquid
Man collecting money for the homeless: Come on guys, I’m way too pretty to be homeless.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Dara
Middle-aged African American male, with a blue NY Giants baseball cap on, and a fur coat: I’m pretty… I’m pretty… I’m pretty
–59th St Subway Station
Overheard by: nickporjr
Bum: Hey pretty! Hey pretty!
[Pretty girl coughs violently and sneezes at the same time.]Bum: Feel better, pretty.
–6th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope
Middle-aged, Chelsea-fit white guy on iPhone: Well, neither you nor any of your sisters were the beauty that I was…
–21st St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Sean
Middle-aged man: You know who was good-looking? Stalin, when he was younger. He was so dashing!
–104th & West End
Overheard by: communist!
Girl #1: When she was up on stage, she totally pulled her tampon out and threw it into the crowd.
Girl #2: That’s sick!
Girl #1: I think it’s so cool. I’ve always wanted to do that.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Mike
