Metro New York lady: Is your girlfriend coming today?
AM New York man: I ain’t got none of those.
–Union Square
Metro New York lady: Is your girlfriend coming today?
AM New York man: I ain’t got none of those.
–Union Square
Guy: And there’s one more thing you could say. It’s “I love you.”
Girl, looking through her purse: Ha ha, I know, one sec.
–Tompkins Square Park
Queer #1: My friend Sarah is usually into guido jock boys, and it never works out. Now she’s with a short guy with a belly who’s losing his hair, and she’s never been happier.
Queer #2: I guess, but having a short fat guy with a small dick fuck your asshole until it bleeds just isn’t the same.
–51st & 9th
Girl on cell: The alcoholic who waved a shotgun at you on Valentine’s Day? That’s who’s taking you to the Al-Anon meeting?
–Bowery & Houston
Girl on cell: The two guys you slept with — their friend told me to tell you that he has herpes.
–42rd & Lex
Girl: We’re together.
Guy: We are?
Girl: For now.
–The Bag House, 12th & Broadway
Overheard by: Tina T. Lin
Suit on headset: You know, I have been so gassy lately.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: yum
Suit on cell: Hey, I found this guy I thought I’d fix you up with, but I talked to Elliot and he said he wouldn’t cross the street to piss on him, he’s an ethical scumbag… Yeah, I know that’s what everybody says about Elliott.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Ken
Girlfriend: Out in LA they’re into that whole fake boobs/Ann Taylor thing.
Boyfriend: I love Ann Taylor.
Girlfriend: Of course you do. That fits into your preppy short girl fetish, which I’m not.
–Brooklyn-bound D train
Girl #1: So when was your first kiss?
Girl #2: My 17th birthday.
Girl #1: How about your first time making out?
Girl #2: Also my 17th birthday.
Girl #1: …first blowjob?
Girl #2: This is awkward. 17th birthday, again.
Girl #1: How about when you lost your virginity?
Girl #2: 17th.
Girl #1: How about the first time you —
Girl #2: I know what you’re about to ask, and the answer is “my 17th birthday” again.
Girl #1: God damn! What the hell did you do for your 18th birthday?
–R train
Girl on cell: No, I haven’t had a chance to blow him off yet.
–6th & 53rd
Guy to girl: So, that’s why you broke up? I don’t blame you — you gotta microwave them first, otherwise they’re too spongey.
–Central Park
Overheard by: newyorkette
