Guy on pay phone: Hey Tom, it’s Jerry.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Matthew Suss
Guy on pay phone: Hey Tom, it’s Jerry.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Matthew Suss
Shopgirl: Can I help anyone with anything?
Man: Yeah, can you give me a lobotomy? ‘Cause I really need one.
Shopgirl: Sorry, no.
Man: C’mon, just bring out a sledgehammer!
–Magnolia Bakery, Bleecker Street
Guy #1: All I remember is walking into your room and everyone was smoking opium and sitting on the bed that was two feet from the ceiling.
Guy #2: Yeah, and remember Mr. Millard?
Guy #1: Yeah, remember when he died?
Guy #2: Oh my god, yeah, I was so happy, that fucker!
–L train
Overheard by: Mary C.
Teen boy: What you readin’?
Hasidic man: It’s the Bible in Hebrew.
Teen boy: Oh…Where’d you get it?
Hasidic man: In a store that sells books in Hebrew.
–F train
Suit #1: So how many tombstones do we have?
Suit #2: Four.
Suit #1: All right. So we got the client, the CPA and the attorney…We gotta figure out how to get one more person involved.
–22nd & Broadway
Overheard by: E.B. Dresner
Old lady: Where’s the yellow incense for the dead people?
–Titan Foods, LIC
Overheard by: Evan C. Kirchmer
Teen girl: So they’re like the von Trapps.
Chick: If the von Trapps wore Homestar t-shirts and were Tunisian, then sure.
Teen girl: And hot.
Chick: Yeah, the von Trapps did nothing for me in The Sound of
Music. My mom’s dog died the day that movie came out. I guess maybe subconsciously that has something to do with their not-hotness.
Teen girl: What about the Nazi thing?
Chick: The von Trapps weren’t Nazis, were they?
–JFK
Hag: I can’t imagine dropping off my brother at the airport all like, “I’m okay with never seeing you again ’cause you might die in battle.”
Queer: Well, at least he gets a whore.
Hag: What?
Queer: ‘Cause you know they get whores in wars.
Hag: What are you talking about?
Queer: Hello? World War II?
–Olive Garden, Times Square
Guy #1: So this Jack guy is basically the luckiest man in the world.
Guy #2: Why, because he’s survived like 5 attempts on his life and it’s not even noon?
Guy #1: No; he could totally nail those two chicks.
–6 train
Hobo: Excuse me, this is a picture of my daughter Sofiya, she was in a fire recently and now she is brain damage can you spare some change so that we can give her a proper funeral? Anything will help, even a penny.
Man: Wait a minute! Is this the same daughter that was in a fire last summer? You mean to tell me you haven’t buried her yet?
–4 train
Overheard by: Leslie DJ
