They Started at the Mystery Section

Girl: Excuse me, do you have any biographies of TuPac?
Library guy: Probably, though they’d be with the other biographies on the second floor.
Dude: But isn’t this the fiction section?
Library guy: It is. You might be able to find some books about him in non-fiction.
Girl: “Non-fiction”?
Library guy: Non-fiction means true.
Dude: …And fiction means false.
Library guy: Sort of.
Girl: So if it’s in non-fiction then that means he must still be alive.
Library guy: I don’t think you understand.

–Brooklyn Public Library, Grand Army Plaza

Overheard by: Matthew Sahd Mohammed

Posted on March 27, 2006
About Celebrities, Arts & Letters, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Death, Music, Pop Culture, Stupidity, Teens

The Shrapnel Took Out Grandpa

Little girl: Mommy, do you have veins in your head?
Mom: Of course you do. That’s how Grandma died; a big vein in her brain exploded.

–Starbucks, 54th & Broadway

Overheard by: Glynnis O

Posted on March 24, 2006
Body Parts, Death, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, Parents, Restaurants & Cafes, Should've Used a Condom

The Game’s Almost Up

Old man: Life is just a game.
Dude: Totally.
Old man: Some people do crosswords, I wake up in the morning.

–Mama B’s Cafe, Greenpoint

Overheard by: Terrence Adams

Posted on March 18, 2006
Brooklyn, Death, Old People, Restaurants & Cafes

She’s a Highlander, Too

Cashier chick #1: Girl, I had a dream last night that I was pregnant!
Cashier chick #2: Damn girl, don’t you know that mean someone is gonna die?
Cashier chick #1: Oh no. I don’t want no one in my family to die. Except my grandma.

–C-Town, Astoria

Overheard by: Cap’n Ron

Posted on March 18, 2006
Astoria, Death, Health and Hygiene, Old People, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Retail Therapy

Wednesday One-liners for Thanatos

Guy: The only reason she was hanging out with those dudes is because she was hoping that one of them would kill me…But that’s neither here nor there.

–6 train

Posted on March 8, 2006
Brooklyn, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Hipsters, Junk Food & Fast Food, Lower East Side, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Queers, Stupidity, The Bronx, The Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-liners Flip Channels

Guy on pay phone: Hey Tom, it’s Jerry.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Matthew Suss

Posted on March 1, 2006
About Celebrities, Anger Management, BJs, College, Crazies, Death, Fashion, Fordham, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Pop Culture, Queens, Retail Therapy, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity, The Bronx, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, White People

“This muffin tastes funny.”

Shopgirl: Can I help anyone with anything?
Man: Yeah, can you give me a lobotomy? ‘Cause I really need one.
Shopgirl: Sorry, no.
Man: C’mon, just bring out a sledgehammer!

–Magnolia Bakery, Bleecker Street

Posted on February 24, 2006
Anger Management, Death, Manhattan, Restaurants & Cafes, The Village, Violence

This Sounds Better in a Courtroom

Guy #1: All I remember is walking into your room and everyone was smoking opium and sitting on the bed that was two feet from the ceiling.
Guy #2: Yeah, and remember Mr. Millard?
Guy #1: Yeah, remember when he died?
Guy #2: Oh my god, yeah, I was so happy, that fucker!

–L train

Overheard by: Mary C.

Posted on February 23, 2006
Death, Drugs, On the Subway, Stupidity

sU R skooB

Teen boy: What you readin’?
Hasidic man: It’s the Bible in Hebrew.
Teen boy: Oh…Where’d you get it?
Hasidic man: In a store that sells books in Hebrew.

–F train

Posted on February 23, 2006
Arts & Letters, Books & Writing, Death, Jews, On the Subway, Teens

Twister is Easier with Corpses

Suit #1: So how many tombstones do we have?
Suit #2: Four.
Suit #1: All right. So we got the client, the CPA and the attorney…We gotta figure out how to get one more person involved.

–22nd & Broadway

Overheard by: E.B. Dresner

Posted on February 20, 2006
Death, Manhattan, Suits, Union Square and East Village

Death