Toddler girl #1: Is your camel dead yet?
Toddler girl #2: No. Not yet. Is yours?
–John Jay Park
Toddler girl #1: Is your camel dead yet?
Toddler girl #2: No. Not yet. Is yours?
–John Jay Park
Old man: [hiccups] Old lady: I’ll kill you, dead!
–St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Raychel Tumin
Guy: The Bodies thing? Don’t they have dead babies there?
Girl: Hey, dead babies are the best type of babies.
–Diner at 38th & 5th
Overheard by: Jdub
Woman on cell: No, I mean, whatever. I cried for that baby when it died and all. Shit! I even went to its funeral and the damn thing wasn’t even born! Who the fuck has a funeral for a baby that wasn’t even born?…Whatever, that’s not the point. The point is, I’m sure as hell not going to a birthday party for a baby whose funeral I went to a year ago. That is fucking morbid…and they had better not be expecting presents.
–14th between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: Laura Mathis
Girl on cell: Wait, was this the eating disorder cousin or the crack dealer cousin?…Oh, she’s having a baby? Wow, I hope it doesn’t die.
–Waverly & University
Asian chick: Like you’ve ever even seen a baby prostitute.
–56th between 5th & 6th
Guy: No, she was four months pregnant when I started dating her. But I certainly did bathe the baby in sperm!
–Hungarian Pastry Shop, Amsterdam Avenue
Girl: I’m not sure, but we are thinking of putting the baby in the closet; it’s small but we can fit a crib in there and keep the door open.
–12th Street & 3rd Avenue
Teen girl: It was the saddest thing ever. It was almost as sad as watching a baby cough.
–F train
Overheard by: drewseph
Chick: Omigod, I totally want an Asian baby. Asians make the best mixers. Like vodka.
–49th & 10th
Overheard by: Uncle Jimmy
Woman: Well, he should just get over it. Who doesn’t have a mother who died?
–MOMA cafeteria
Overheard by: Deborah Freeman
Girl: Excuse me, do you have any biographies of TuPac?
Library guy: Probably, though they’d be with the other biographies on the second floor.
Dude: But isn’t this the fiction section?
Library guy: It is. You might be able to find some books about him in non-fiction.
Girl: “Non-fiction”?
Library guy: Non-fiction means true.
Dude: …And fiction means false.
Library guy: Sort of.
Girl: So if it’s in non-fiction then that means he must still be alive.
Library guy: I don’t think you understand.
–Brooklyn Public Library, Grand Army Plaza
Overheard by: Matthew Sahd Mohammed
Little girl: Mommy, do you have veins in your head?
Mom: Of course you do. That’s how Grandma died; a big vein in her brain exploded.
–Starbucks, 54th & Broadway
Overheard by: Glynnis O
Old man: Life is just a game.
Dude: Totally.
Old man: Some people do crosswords, I wake up in the morning.
–Mama B’s Cafe, Greenpoint
Overheard by: Terrence Adams
Cashier chick #1: Girl, I had a dream last night that I was pregnant!
Cashier chick #2: Damn girl, don’t you know that mean someone is gonna die?
Cashier chick #1: Oh no. I don’t want no one in my family to die. Except my grandma.
–C-Town, Astoria
Overheard by: Cap’n Ron
Guy: The only reason she was hanging out with those dudes is because she was hoping that one of them would kill me…But that’s neither here nor there.
–6 train
