Guy #1: And I didn’t even go to first base with her. I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction.
Guy #2: Yeah. We were with the ugliest girls in the world that night.
–53rd & Lexington
Guy #1: And I didn’t even go to first base with her. I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction.
Guy #2: Yeah. We were with the ugliest girls in the world that night.
–53rd & Lexington
Woman #1: They done got my paycheck wrong again. I’m so upset.
Woman #2: How’d they do that this time?
Woman #1: I don’t know, with computers these days, you type in one thing wrong and it ain’t gonna come out right.
Woman #2: Y’know, it’s those young girls in the office that don’t pay no attention to what they’re doin’.
Woman #1: You’re right! They have their fake press-on nails and damn fake hair. And they spend all day running their fake nails through their fake hair instead of watching the keyboard.
Woman #2: Oh, you’re just jealous.
–2 train
Lady #1: I didn’t know what to do, so I took a used tissue out. But I
was so embarrassed.
Lady #2: It’s better than letting it drip on the table.
Lady #1: Yeah…
Lady #2: Sometimes the office gets so hot, people come in tank tops.
Lady #1: I know.
Lady #2: One time I went to a meeting and a drip of sweat fell from my head. I was mortified.
Lady #1: Oh my god.
Lady #2: Now I make sure I stand in an air-conditioned room for 15
minutes before going to a meeting. That was one of the most terrible days of my life.
–Speedy Deli, 32nd & Broadway
Overheard by: deckard
Chick: So do you wear briefs or boxers?
Dude: You mean panties?
Chick: No, you know, briefs.
Dude: Boxers. I wear boxers. Adult males don’t wear panties. Panties are for girls.
Chick: Why you call ’em panties?
Dude: That’s what we call ’em in jail.
–Hudson & Charleton
Hobo: Yeah man, that’s good shit. Except for those white-ass American bandstand drummers. Whoever heard of fucking Clark Kent playing bongos?
–55th & 9th
Overheard by: Luke Reynolds
Chick #1: Oh, you’re wearing your hair open today!
Chick #2: “Open”?
Chick #1: Well, you know what I mean…
Chick #2: Oh, yeah. It’s open like a brothel.
Chick #1: What?
Chick #2: It’s open like a brothel.
–Barnard College
Girl #1: She told me she could get wine stains out of the suede…
Girl #2: Wow, did she?
Girl #1: When I came to pick it up there was a big red stain and I said, “What the fuck is this?”–like that–and she just looked at me all dumb.
Girl #2: What, was she Chinese or something?
Girl #1: No, she was normal.
–LIRR train
Guy: We’re all wearing jeans. We all have black hair.
Chick: We’re all Asian.
Guy: We are? I thought we were just normal?
–F train
Overheard by: Gretchen Irmiger
Girl #1: Yo, if I had a baby and it was really ugly, I’d say flat out, “That baby is ugly,” and I’d have to try again.
Girl #2: Naw. Just dress it up good, no one will know.
–Metro-North train
Hobo: You want to see the ugliest person…Look over there at the lady in the brown coat. Don’t look though, it could be scary. It’ll electrify ya. Scare ya stiff. That, my friends, is ugly.
–L train
Overheard by: Jess
Dude: Shit man, slow down. Slow down. Whatcha runnin’ to?Yoga? Nigga’s runnin’ to yoga. White man runnin’ to yoga. Thought yoga was supposed to cure that shit.
–Union Square
