Their Governor is a Big Dick

Store guy: Hello, how can I help you?
Chick: I’d like a meatball sub.
Store guy: would you like a six inch or footlong?
Chick: Footland.

–Subway, Bensonhurst

Overheard by: Mike

Posted on February 25, 2006
Brooklyn, Food, Stupidity, Vendors & Street Performers

“Word?”

Hipster guy: That’s a cool coat, it’s pimp.
Ghetto guy: Thanks…Did you say “pimp”? I’m not a pimp.
Hipster guy: No, I meant pimp like cool.
Ghetto guy: Oh, okay…It’s not real. I’m a vegan.

–A train

Overheard by: M.E. Patton

Posted on February 23, 2006
Fashion, Food, Hipsters, On the Subway, Thugs, Vegetarian & Vegan

Wednesday One-liners for Fuck Machines

Old lady: No, Henry, trust me. You were never a fuck machine, and I certainly did know how to fake it.

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Marc Mitchell

Posted on February 22, 2006
Brooklyn, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Elevators, Food, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kink, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Suits, Teens, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, White People

Wednesday One-liners City Scenes

Man: When I told her I worked for the State of New York she seemed to
lose interest.

–F train

Posted on February 22, 2006
Arts & Letters, Black People, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, College, Crazies, Elevators, Fashion, Food, Fordham, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Port Authority, Stupidity, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

The Vegetable Takes the Order

Suit: Hi, what’s your vegetable special today?
Waitress: Ehm, let me check…Macaroni and cheese.
Suit: No, your vegetable.
Waitress: …Macaroni and cheese.

–Applebees, West 42nd Street

Overheard by: Hot Child in the City

Posted on February 16, 2006
Food, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Vegetarian & Vegan

Wednesday One-liners Give Bad Gifts

Teen girl: Now what she needs is a razor dildo.

–93rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Alissa R.

Posted on February 15, 2006
Anger Management, Arts & Letters, Books & Writing, Fashion, Food, Lower East Side, Manhattan, Masturbation, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queers, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

At Zen Bagels, the Holes Come Filled

Guy: Yeah, can I get a poppy seed bagel to go?
Counter guy: You want anything on that?
Guy: Uh…poppy seeds.

–Deli, 22nd & 6th

Overheard by: Kristen

Posted on February 14, 2006
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Food, Manhattan, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity

Because Nothing is Scarier Than Love

Old woman: You still don’t have any Halloween candy, huh?
Old man: Valentine’s Day. It’s Valentine’s Day candy! Why do you keep calling it Halloween?

–Duane Reade, 62nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Charlie Davidson