Man: When I told her I worked for the State of New York she seemed to
lose interest.
–F train
Man: When I told her I worked for the State of New York she seemed to
lose interest.
–F train
Suit: Hi, what’s your vegetable special today?
Waitress: Ehm, let me check…Macaroni and cheese.
Suit: No, your vegetable.
Waitress: …Macaroni and cheese.
–Applebees, West 42nd Street
Overheard by: Hot Child in the City
Teen girl: Now what she needs is a razor dildo.
–93rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Alissa R.
Guy: Yeah, can I get a poppy seed bagel to go?
Counter guy: You want anything on that?
Guy: Uh…poppy seeds.
–Deli, 22nd & 6th
Overheard by: Kristen
Old woman: You still don’t have any Halloween candy, huh?
Old man: Valentine’s Day. It’s Valentine’s Day candy! Why do you keep calling it Halloween?
–Duane Reade, 62nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Charlie Davidson
Dude: Does that come with a meal?
Pasta guy: It is a meal.
–Bravo Pizza, 5th between 19th & 20th
Overheard by: Animal
McGirl: Welcome to McDonalds, may I take your order?
Man: No thanks, I’m not hungry.
–McDonalds, 41st & 7th
Woman: Excuse me, can you recommend anything from the menu?
Waiter guy: No.
–Shopsin’s General Store, Carmine Street
Man #1: Yo, your girl is huge.
Man #2: I like big ladies; more to love.
Man #1: But damn, she’s all, “Baby, give me more macaroni and cheese. Ooh yeah baby, put more cheese on top.” That’s sick, man.
Man #2: Yeah, but she knows how do to her thing, you know?
Man #1: Fuck that. She can’t even get through a sentence without running out of breath. Coughing and wheezing, sweat running down her face.
Man #2: What do you want me to do?
Man #1: Give her a fucking carrot or something! Shit.
–C train
Overheard by: Melissa Fahlstrom
Crazy lady: Yo! Uh…man!
Hot dog guy: Yes?
Crazy lady: Why aren’t you serving me?
Hot dog guy: I just placed your order, ma’am.
Crazy lady: Well I used to work in immigration, so you best be doing that shit quick like right? Shit, I was immigration, okay? I know people, all right?
Hot dog guy: Like who?
Queer: Kenneth Cole?
Crazy lady: No! I know Diedre. Now don’t be playing these crazy mindgames with me! I’m prepared. I have a gun.
Hot dog guy: That’s very nice. That’ll be 5.98 total, ma’am.
Crazy lady: Fuck you. I’m gone now. You can’t see me!
Queer: Faggot, just go away.
–Papaya King, 86th & 3rd
Overheard by: Ben Bleiberg
