Man: Hey, Chris! Wow! You look great! You have lost so much weight!
Chris: Thanks. Not a diet though, I’m a crystal meth addict.
–Chelsea
Man: Hey, Chris! Wow! You look great! You have lost so much weight!
Chris: Thanks. Not a diet though, I’m a crystal meth addict.
–Chelsea
Guy: When you play tennis, do you ever accidentally buy a can of Pringles instead of the can of balls?
Girl: Um…no.
–D train
Overheard by: Mike Lee
Girl: Can I bring mac and cheese to the porn show or is that tacky?
Guy: It’s not tacky; it’s necessary.
–Bed-Stuy
Drunk Claire: Steph, we’ve been best friends for, like, 15 years now. You are like, totally my very best friend, but I wish you could, like, make more time for me, you know? Like, I know you have your grandmother’s party coming up and all–
Drunk Steph: Claire, my grandmother died 4 years ago.
–West Village
Lady #1: I hate it when people put nail polish on their babies.
Lady #2: Really? I think it looks cute.
–6 train
Woman, 50s: “You look so rested, so refreshed. Have you lost weight?” That’s what you want them to say. Not, “you look like you’ve had 3 inches of skin on your face tightened.”
Friend, 50s: Did you go back to work right after?
Woman, 50s: Not right after. Because of the bruising. But it’s New York. I could have 2 heads and no one would notice.
–Ollie’s, UWS
Overheard by: TG
Guy #1: I talked to the redhead girl.
Guy #2: No, I said to talk to the red sweater girl.
Guy #1: Oh, I thought you said the redhead girl.
Guy #2: Well, what’d she say, anyway?
–The Dublin Harp, UWS
Overheard by: Travis York
Dude #1: That party was fun. It was hot, though.
Dude #2: Yeah, it smelled like hot ass in there.
–Loews Hotel, Lexington & 51st
Guy: Yo, she smelled like dead hell!
–Flatbush
Girl #1: …you think it would have been OK, all I had was a pastrami sandwich.
Girl #2: Well, that’ll certainly keep him out of your butt for a while…
–2nd St. & Ave. A
Guy: What’s that on your finger?
Girl: It’s a ring.
Guy: I think your ring has an infection.
–South Street Seaport
