Girls

Chick: I’m interested in what’s now — that’s why I live in Williamsburg.

–Court & 3rd Pl

Overheard by: imitation rastaman

Hyper bus driver playing with overhead marquee while driving: I can set it to police bus, training bus… It’s like a microwave — what do you want? Corn? I like to change it to ‘Harlem.’ Then people get really confused. [Changes sign to ‘B6 Limited’ and comes up to bus stop. No one gets on bus.] What do you need, the B6? No? [Keeps driving.]

–B4 bus, Sheepshead Bay

Overheard by: tanechka

Smart guy: There is no West Side. There’s only Zabar’s.

–New York Palace Hotel

Overheard by: Emily

Hipster to another: You should totally move up to Harlem. It’s getting whiter.

–Union Square

Old lady to another: Yes, she’s still alive. She’s living all alone on the Upper East Side. Well, she doesn’t go out at all. You know she hates everyone, even Democrats.

–22nd & 1st

Frat boy with group of orange-tanned, fake-chested blondes: We gotta find me the Meatpacking District!

–N 4th St & Bedford Ave

Tween #1: Wow, that’s cute! He was gonna eat her booger for a hand job?
Tween #2: It was, like, a monster booger…

–Montague & Henry St, Brooklyn Heights

Girl #1: … And then I kicked him in the nuts. And, like, I drew blood.
Girl #2: Oh my god…
Girl #1: I know, right? So, I go to bed, and while I’m sleeping he writes ‘Best friends’ on my door… in blood.

–Barcade, Williamsburg

Hipster guy, after hipster girl sneezes: Oh, God bless you.
Hipster girl: Don’t bless me.
Hipster guy: Fuck you, then.

–Fat Baby, Lower East Side

Overheard by: RoninTy

Female Rangers fan to Rangers: Come on, ladies!
Suit: Haha! ‘Ladies.’ That’s so funny. I don’t really get it, but I know it’s funny.

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Girl: This has got to be the hottest station in New York.
Guy: It’s good for you. It’s like a sauna — it will open your pores.
Girl: I don’t want my pores open down here!

–5 train, Fulton St station

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Little girl: Mom, I really, really want to jump off!
Mom: No, you really don’t.

–86th floor, Empire State Building

Girl: So, yeah, he took me to dinner at this Japanese place and–
Friend: –What’s his background?
Girl: He went to Georgetown and majored in–
Friend: –No. What color is he?
Girl: Oh, he’s white.
Friend, disappointed: That’s so boring… You’re sure? Plain white?

–116th & Broadway

Girl: So, for our Geology class we’ve got to come here for a field trip to look at rocks.
Guy: Central Park is 100 percent man-made.
Girl: But the rocks are real, aren’t they?

–Central Park

Overheard by: McJohnny

Girl #1: Dude, I need to take a shower.
Girl #2: Ew, yeah — you smell… What happened?
Girl #1: I was on the one train and, like, suddenly this guy, like, pulled it out, like, just right out there.
Girl #2: Are you kidding?
Girl #1: Yeah, oh my god, it was horrible… Horrible! His pee, like, was coming down the train. Like, just streaming down.
Girl #2: Oh my god, that must have been the longest train ride from 110th to 116th ever.
Girl #1: You are telling me.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Makelikeatreeandleave