Black drunk hobo: Girl, lemme tell you something. I'm a Sagittarius and we funny as shit once we're sober. Can I ask you something? Are you Russian?
Woman on subway: No.
Black drunk hobo: You look Russian. I know all about them Russians. Matter of fact, I have a book coming out later this year. It's called I Know Shit.
–1 Train
Overheard by: TVontheFritz
Woman #1: … So he’ll go to the one in Mexico, and I’ll go to the one in Greece.
Woman #2: Yeah, I don’t think I’ve been to a destination wedding yet.
–45th & Madison
Girl #1: Where does Rent take place?
Girl #2: I heard it takes place in China.
Girl #1: Oh, really? Are they going to eat a dog here?
Girl #2: Maybe a puppet.
–41st & 7th
Overheard by: hahaha
Young Woman: Are you part Italian?
Older Woman: I’m Italian by injection!
–Private party, NYC
Hipster guy: I had to live with some random guy that year in a room smaller than ours right now.
Hipster girl: Whoa.
Hipster guy: Yeah, he was weird. He was like some Chinese guy. But he wasn’t like really Chinese.
–L train
Secretary: What are you doing for Thanksgiving?
Nurse: My husband and I are going to North Carolina to visit his family. Why? What are you doing? Do you want to come with us?
Secretary: No. I can't. I don't have a passport.
Nurse: Uh.
–NYU Cancer Center
Overheard by: Destiny Traphofner
Professor to unresponsive class: So, how do you know when a scene is over? Yeah, you just know, like porn.
–Sarah Lawrence College
Professor: Don’t mess with Socratic ninjas.
–NYU Law
Professor to silent class: Come on, what do you think? Someone say something. It’s kind of like sex. Sometimes you don’t want to do it, but you have to do what you have to do.
–Columbia University
Professor: I was whipped by a crazed dwarf in a cave for a month! Then I married him!
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Ali
Professor turning off powerpoint: And now we kick it old school.
–NYU Cantor
Overheard by: Jesse
SVA professor: Woo, I’m so jazzed today — it’s like I’m on crystal meth! [Students laugh.] No, seriously, I never did crystal meth! Speed, sure. Quaaludes, of course, but not crystal meth. Never. Nope. Oxycodone, maybe.
–SVA building
Overheard by: SUSAN
Professor: The Native Americans even have biological differences… except for the Native Americans of Australia.
–History class, Hunter College
Overheard by: tanechka
Man to coworker: Yeah, sometimes we hike up to mount Kilimanjaro in the summertime.
Stupid woman: Oh, mount Kilimanjaro…is that in Vermont?
Man (taken aback): Uh, actually, it's in Tanzania.
Stupid woman: Where is that?
–1221 Avenue of the Americas
Headline by: k swin
Runners-Up:
· “It’s Considered the Vermont Of Africa, If That Helps” – mac
· “It’s Next to “The Iraq”, Like Such As… Uh…” – Virginia
· “It’s Southwest Of Vermont” – Edmund H.
· “Oh, Like Any Of You Can Point It Out on a Map?” – Natty
· “President Obama Is Still Weeding Out Bush’s Staff….” – kim
Girl #1: I don’t feel well.
Girl #2: You look fine.
Girl #1: I think I have malaria.
Girl #2: I really don’t think you do.
Girl #1: Do people get malaria in Nicaragua?
Girl #2: I don’t know, I don’t care, and furthermore, we were in Brazil.
–JFK
Professor: How many countries are there in the world?
Student: Seven. (silence, then some laughter)
–NYU
