Global Geography

Wednesday One-liners Head to Europe

Suit on cell: Hey, guess where I am?…Guess…I’m in Glasgow!

–Carmine & Bleecker

Overheard by: Chris Cotterman

Preppy guy: How am I racist? I’m Irish! I can’t be racist!

–9th Street & 3rd Avenue

Overheard by: Miss Hipstah

Woman on cell: My daughter went to Montreal. I was like, “Why do you have to go where the French go? Why couldn’t you just go to Ontario?”

–55th & 3rd

Bag lady: Can I have a quarter? The Irish have taken over the YMCA.

–22nd & 5th

Overheard by: smanikas

Thug: Paisano?…It’s like “my nigga” but in Italian.

–Times Square

Overheard by: KRUD

The Stalinists are Teaching Our Children

HS Girl #1: I’ve never heard of Latvia.
HS Girl #2: I’ve heard of it; I just don’t think it’s a real place.

–Carroll Gardens

Overheard by: andersonsmitty

Do Those Sneakers Make Her Look Geeky?

Woman #1: That skirt was terrible. I looked like I just got off the boat!
Woman #2: What boat?
Woman #1: …The boat from Ireland.

–Macy’s

They Have Wednesday One-liners Overseas

Light-skinned woman: Shit, you don’t know who I am; I’m black as far as you’re concerned. I could be from South Africa and shit and have seen worse things that you could imagine. Or I could be from Ireland and have gone through some Protestant shit.

–Jay Street station

Girl on cell: So I went up to my Professor just now? And I was telling him I’ve chosen a country for my project. He was like, “Africa? That’s not a country.” I was like, “Come on, what was all that Live 8 stuff about, then?”. He was just like, “Never mind. Africa is fine.”…Yeah, totally.

–The NYU Bookstore, Washington Place

Aussie guy: …no, see, goats in Australia are feral because they are an alien species. They just dropped them on every island in case people got shipwrecked. Then there’d be food. Problem was no one ever got shipwrecked.

–6 train

Overheard by: Kirstin Liu

Freedom Fries with Mussolini

Girl #1: So when I was in Italy, I went to France.
Girl #2: What did you do there?
Girl #1: I went to the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
Girl #2: Still Italy.
Girl #1: Really?
Girl #2: Yeah. So what did you do in France?
Girl #1: I guess I didn’t go to France, then…

–Toys R Us, Times Square

Overheard by: Jesse Patrick

Wednesday One-liners Aren’t the Answer

Girl on cell: Hey, that’s not fair! If you get to be Mr. Incredible, why am I Jewgirl?

–Washington Square Park

Guy on cell: Does anyone in Romania have ice cream?

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: Greg Ashley

Woman: Why is it every time a guy beats his dick over the phone it sounds like a helicopter taking off?

–20th & 6th

Overheard by: phyllis pisacano

Girl: what do you call this style of architecture? Ugly road-houses?

–Mott Haven

Overheard by: yev

Guy: Isn’t England a state of the US, like Colorado?

–Alt.Coffee, Avenue A

Overheard by: dewo

Guy flipping through cell: Damn, why the fuck have I only got White people on here?

–27th & 7th pizzeria

Overheard by: dbrock

Fashion girl: How do you start a zoo? Do you buy the animals first or the place to put them?

–Conde Nast Building, Times Square

Overheard by: Jax

Crazy guy: Are your French Fries made with beef?

–McDonald’s, 85th & 3rd

Overheard by: Marc Cassata

Guy: Is it technically depression if you’re depressed because you can’t date a Gap model?

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: ProcrastYNate

Wednesday One-liners Know Their Maps

Chick on phone: Where is Argentina?…Is there a beach?

–Madison Avenue office

Tourist guy: You know, for such a big city, it’s funny that New York has no rivers.

–Q train

Overheard by: Eva D

Navy lady: So he tried to tell me that this was the Empire State Building, but it’s Trump Tower!

–Columbus Circle

In Their Defense, They Did Kill the EU

Girl: Sorry, I’m trying to be as French as possible.
French guy: Oh, I’m from Bawsten.

–N train

Overheard by: c. dubs

The train pulls out of the underground. Three Hispanic teens look outside.

Hispanic teen #1: You can’t see the Eiffel Tower from here?

They continue looking for a good twenty seconds.

Hispanic teen #2: That shit’s in Paris, yo!

–F train

Overheard by: Daniel Radosh

Wednesday One-liners Hate Those Big Corporations

British chick: Now not only do I have to blow up Bank of America, I now have to blow up Macy’s.

–27th Street office

Teenage girl shaking her fist: Fuck you Duane Reade! Gah!

–76th & Broadway

Overheard by: Chella

Woman: I feel like I’m in eastern Europe. This Duane Reade is ghetto.

–Duane Reade, 23rd & 6th

Woman: So I was like, “Move your hand! What is this, Cinemax?”

–Times Square

That Would Be Some Mayflower

Rich girl #1: You’ve got it wrong. The Shiites are the majority in Iraq.
Rich girl #2: Oh, well if the Sunni don’t like it, they should just move back to Iran.

–91st & Madison

Overheard by: Sennott

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