How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Eugenics

Bimbo #1: I just want to move to another state, you know?
Bimbo #2: Yeah, like further south?
Bimbo #1: No, probably Australia.
Bimbo #2: Oh my God, me too! My cousin owns this train station, we could totally go!
Bimbo #1: Nah. I have a date tonight.

Headline by: johnny pissoff

Runners-Up:

· “All Aboard the Pangea Express” – Stitches

· “And Australia’s like, “WTF mate?”” – one L

· “Ashley crushes yet another of Jessica’s plans.” – Heidi

· “Besides, i dont speak german…” – senny

· “Crikey! Thank God the Stingrays Got Me Before They Arrived.” – Katie

· “Going Down, But Not Under” – sigh

· “It’s good to see Condy getting out more” – mp

· “Wait, You Have a Date? That Doesn’t Even Make Sense.” – 08kjl

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on April 12, 2022
Bimbettes, Dating, Global Geography, Headline Contest Winners, Places, Stupidity, Travel

She Spoke Spanish, or More Specifically, Portuguese

Chick #1: She was from Mexico, or more specifically, Brazil.
Chick #2: Oh.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Laura M.

Posted on February 25, 2022
Bimbettes, Global Geography, Washington Square Park

Think How Fit You'd Be by the Time You Got There

Lady hawking for Equinox Gym: Hey, are you interested in a membership?
Man: No, I live in Denmark.
Lady hawking for Equinox Gym: Well, we have a location in Paris. That's not too far, right?

–19th & Broadway

Overheard by: Matt

Posted on February 3, 2022
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Fitness, Global Geography, Men, Offers and requests, Stupidity, Vendors & Street Performers

There’ll Be No “Expiation” Tonight, If You Get My Drift

Drunk: See, my wife’s from Portugal and I’m from Italy — I want my reparations tonight!
Wife: Not at this rate.
Drunk: Oh, I am so sleeping on the couch tonight.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Marilyn

Posted on January 2, 2022
Couples, Drunks, Global Geography, Gripes, Money & Class, Penn Station

And the Sphinx Was Their Internet Cafe?

Man: …and then we visited the Sphinx and the Great Pyramid.
Woman: The Great Pyramid is where the people had their apartments, right?

–The Village

Overheard by: Ava

Posted on November 29, 2021
Default, Global Geography, History & Geography, Idiots, Men, Questions, Stupidity, The Village, Tourism, Travel, Women

Your American Beer Is Like Squeezings from My Weimeraner

Man: Hey, are you guys from Germany?
Tourists: Ja?
Man: I’ll tell you one good thing about Germany — the beer, the food, and the women.
Tourist: Ja.

–N train

Overheard by: Don Willmott

Posted on November 23, 2021
Food, Global Geography, On the Subway, Tourists

So There’s no Way to Be Sure

Hipster #1: What’s up with her? Is she a Lesbian?
Hipster #2: Well, she is Canadian.

–The Mountain Goats Show, Europa, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Becca

Posted on November 19, 2021
Gays and Lesbians, Global Geography, Hipsters, Idiots, Questions, Theater

Do You Want to Hear About the Ass Sex, or Not?

Woman: I think she’s Russian. No wait, I think she is from Tennessee, yeah she’s like this poor girl from Tennessee. So anyways, she goes to the Hamptons… Wait now I remember, she is from Utah; she’s Mormon. That’s it. So she goes to the Hamptons and meets this guy…
Man: Wait a minute, what’s a Russian Mormon doing in the Hamptons?
Woman, annoyed: [groan]

–Whole Foods Columbus Circle

Posted on November 17, 2021
Foreigners, Global Geography, Gossip, Men, Questions, Religion, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Whole Foods, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Fucking Glad It’s Over

Conductor: This is Prince Street. Not Half-blood Prince Street, but Prince Street.

–N train

Overheard by: she later invited the passengers to debate whether snape was a criminal or a hero

30-year old fan: … And then he sprinkled magic dust over her throbbing vagina…

–Book release, Spring & Mercer

Overheard by: santos l. halper

Man to five-year-old son: Yeah, you know Harry Potter is now in this play in London where he plays a naked guy that has sex with horses? Comin’ to Broadway soon.

–Harry Potter Pl on Mercer St

Overheard by: i don’t THINK that’s how it goes actually…

Girl glancing at boy reading Deathly Hallows: Does Frodo die?

–Strings Attached Theater Company’s performance of Life As We Know It