Security guy: Where you from?
Tourist: Amsterdam.
Security guy, gesturing broadly to the view: This was once all yours!
–Empire State Building
Security guy: Where you from?
Tourist: Amsterdam.
Security guy, gesturing broadly to the view: This was once all yours!
–Empire State Building
Professor: You should really consider going to Europe. It may be boring, but it’s cheap!
Ghetto girl in back: Fuck that shit! I’d rather go to Disney!
Professor: Europe is actually less expensive to go to than Disney.
Ghetto girl: Yeah, but only if you stay in a brothel!
Ghetto boy: Don’t you mean ‘hostel’?
Ghetto girl: Same thing, right?
–Fordham University-Rose Hill
Overheard by: Megan
Foreign exchange student: So, Claudia, since your boyfriend’s modeling career is taking off, have you thought of ever going abroad?
Latina: Nah, not really.
Foreign exchange student: Well, you could go to London.
Latina: Ohhh, no. I don’t got the time to learn the language.
Foreign exchange student: But Claudia, it’s England — they speak English!
Latina: Well, you know what I mean.
–Fashion Institute of Technology
Diner: That’s an interesting accent. Are you Jamaican?
Waiter: No, I’m from Trinidad.
Diner: Oh! My sister spent a year in Kenya!
Waiter: You know that Trinidad is in the Caribbean, right?
Diner: Oh. No, I guess I didn’t.
–Alice’s Teacup Restaurant, 73rd & Columbus
Charity worker: Help the homeless! [Androgynous person walks by] Even a pretty girl… boy… whatever-that-was can help!
–Times Square
Chick, wistfully: That was Vadim. He was from St. Petersburg. When we broke up he stole all my dresses.
–A train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Large black security guard, inspecting guy’s Sephora bag: You da man!
–Hayden Planetarium
Pierced 20-ish chick: So, the last time I pegged a guy he wouldn’t stop jabbering on and on about how much he loved trannies. It just made me shove in the strap-on harder.
–Delancey & Orchard
Overheard by: Californian
Guy: I sirred a ma’am today. But, in my defense, she was a very sir-able ma’am.
–33rd & Broadway
Suit during presentation: We are a global company with a tremendous reach-around.
–810 7th Ave
Overheard by: Jatmos
Barista gesturing to fridge: Hey! Milk me!
–Coffee shop
Professor: It’s hard to sit there for two hours without a climax.
–NYU
Overheard by: woods comma elle
Teacher, on oral quizzes: … And if you can satisfy me orally, you will receive a good grade.
–The Dalton School
Overheard by: Marissa
Guido: You know what it would mean if I drove a Saab? It would mean I have a big dick.
–Sheepshead Bay theater
Overheard by: sprinkles
JAP on cell: Well, if you guys need a ride I need to call Daddy and tell him to bring the Infinity, not the BMW… Wow, that sounded really JAP-y.
–49th, between 8th & 9th
Restaurant flyer guy: Why a Lamborghini costs so much we don’t know, but we do have food!
–96th & 3rd
Overheard by: Drewster
Guy: We either gotta pay the Russian drivers, threaten the Russian drivers, or kill the Russian drivers.
–Financial District
Ghetto lady: That’s the only thing you can do in a van with no air conditioning — sing.
–Maspeth & Metropolitan Ave, Brooklyn
Suit on the run, after accosted by street charity worker: I don’t want to save a child! I want to go to a meeting!
–53rd & Lex
Suit: Yeah, I don’t think I could work for the government. All they do is kill people.
–23rd & Park
Suit: I don’t play hard to get; I play hard to like.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Brian
Suit on cell: I just got back from São Paulo. That place looks like New York threw up on L.A.
–JFK
Suit on cell: What do you mean scientologists are following you? … No, you can’t stay at my place tonight…
–6th Ave
Overheard by: E.Major
Dumb teen: So, you’re from France?
English girl: No, I’m from England.
Dumb teen: Oh, right. What part of England is France in?
–Outside B & J’s Steakhouse
Overheard by: Giggling into my Soda
Dude #1: The Japanese can’t be that racist!
Dude #2: All I’m saying is, drop another couple of nukes on them and they’re still going to hate the blacks.
–Eastchester & Morris Park, Bronx
