Global Geography

Uncle Tom’s Wednesday One-Liners

Short, fat sista: If she was only around my age, then I wouldn’t mind a slave for life.

–27th & 7th

Overheard by: tuna on rye

White guy in scrubs: Wow. Now I know what it felt like to be in the bottom of a slave ship.

–Crowded Franklin Ave 2/3/4/5 platform, Brooklyn

Overheard by: pmd

Punk girl to friend: I’m going to make him my Ukrainian sex slave!

–N 4th St & Driggs Ave

Overheard by: Hipsterrrrrs

Dude: Yeah, well, let me say this in English — she got arrested for selling people…

–Madison Square Garden

Black girl watching Asian girl mop floor: Slavery is back!

–NYFA, Union Square

Overheard by: kswin

But He’s So Much More Than That!

Chick #1: What do you think of Mao Zedong?
Chick #2: I don’t know… He’s from China…

–Jennifer Convertibles, 20th & Broadway

My Answer Has Not Changed

Middle-aged white lady: Excuse me, where is Shanghai?
Asian girl: You in the wrong country.
Middle-aged white lady: No! I mean Shanghai Restaurant.

–Chinatown

Overheard by: confused

The Afterparty Will Be Shipping Them Off from Whence They Came

Man #1: We’re getting our floors redone — walnut hardwood.
Man #2: Sounds like a party.
Man #1: Actually, there will probably be a bunch of Mexicans doing it, so more of a fiesta.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Jakob Wells

Bilocation Is Such a Burden

Girl: What time is it, 5:30? I’m not even supposed to be out.
Guy: Why not?
Girl: Because I’m in Milan!

–23rd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Sara

We Took the Trail to Get Here

College girl #1: Which way to the Eiffel Tower?
Suit, puzzled, pointing East: That way?
College girl #2: How far is it?
Suit: … About three thousand miles.
College girl #1: No! No! [Makes peak with fingertips of both hands.] The… Eiffel… Tower!
Suit: Yeah, that way about three thousand miles — across the Atlantic Ocean — in Paris.
College girl #2, also making peak with hands: No! No! It’s a… It’s a… The Empire State Building!
Suit, pointing at looming Empire State Building: The Empire State Building is right there.
College girl #2: You have to excuse us — we’re from Oregon.

–45th & 5th

Japan? Taiwan? Canada?

Woman #1: Where are you from?
Woman #2: Hong Kong.
Woman #1: What kind of Asia is that? Korea?

–N train

Headline by: Sam K.

Runners-Up:
· “And What Kind Of Alabama Are You From?” – Coyoty
· “Everywhere Like Such As and China” – Caro
· “Her Label Reads “Made in NYC Schools”” – cthonian
· “Is Our Children Learning II: The Adult Years” – Vasyl
· “Now I Fuck You Up Long Time” – Steve
· “The Oriental Kind” – alan b hutscar
· “Why Rosie O’Donnell Shouldn’t Ride the Subway” – Howard Bannister

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

So They Can’t Afford to Drink, Use Drugs, or Overeat

Bimbette #1, reading subway ad: ‘Sleeping with your baby is dangerous, especially if you drink, use drugs or are overweight.’ Hahaha!
Bimbette #2: I’m pretty sure sleeping with your baby is bad no matter what.
Bimbette #3: Except that in, like, every other country besides the United States everyone sleeps on the floor, like, on their mat, with their baby next to them.

–1 train

Overheard by: inge

He Ran the Gamut from Supercilious to Disdainful

Girl: I met this guy last summer… He was French…
Guy: That means he was gay?

–1 train

Overheard by: olga torrey

No — And for Religious Reasons

Hipster #1: Have we had the bar mitzvah conversation yet?
Hipster #2: I thought you were a Mexican?
Hipster #1: I’m Brazilian. And Jewish.
Hipster #2: Are you fucking with me?

–Williamsburg

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