Wednesday One-Liners for the Polyglots

Frustrated bouncer: You don’t speak Spanish, you don’t speak Chinese, what the fuck do you speak?

–Broome Street, Chinatown

Woman, talking to friends: And I love how his "Dominican" wife has an Irish accent.

–109th & Broadway

Overheard by: Cassandra

Crazy guy running: The British are coming! The British are coming!

–8th St & 6th Ave

Woman talking to friend: So this Chinese guy told me he was speaking Vietnamese. I never knew that Vietnam was in china! I felt so ignorant after that.

–St. Mark’s & 1st Ave

30-something woman to her female friend: I didn’t know he was gay. I just thought he was French.

–E 34th St

Foreign woman, after the entire audience has been screaming "Cunt! Cunt!" at the end of "Reclaiming Cunt" during "The Vagina Monologues": I think my English is improving!

–New School

Posted on April 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bouncers, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Default, Fears, Foreigners, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Global Geography, Guys, Happiness, Insults, Language Barrier, Languages, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, New School, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women, Words

You’re Just Jealous Because Heath Ledger’s Housekeeper Called Me and Not You

Skinny girl #1: … And these guys always want to do blow with me, like all the time, it’s so weird!
Skinny girl #2: Awww, no one ever wants to do blow with me.
Skinny girl #1, whispering loudly: That’s because your ass is the size of Russia.

–Tiffany & Co.

Overheard by: EDW

Posted on April 5, 2008
Ass, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Global Geography, Gripes, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Skinny People, Store

God Bless Wednesday One-Liners

Cop: There are no downtown express trains! I repeat, there are no downtown express trains. If you have a problem with that, take it up with the President of the United States!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Trixie

Suit on cell: The problem with Canada is that it’s not the U.S.

–129th St, Harlem

Overheard by: Koen

Black guy on cell: Yeah, what is Condoleezza Rice, anyway? I think she’s Puerto Rican or Dominican. She’s definitely not American.

–Barnes & Noble, W 66th St

Black guy to white friend eating lunch: Ah, yes, the American dream: doing nothing while eating a sandwich.

–Stuyvesant High

Hobo: Thirty-two-gallon garbage can — who wants this beautiful 32-gallon garbage can? Made right here in the US-of-A! Come on, people! It’s an American product at Mexican prices. Now, what’s my first bid?

–4th Ave & Atlantic

Overheard by: Mike N

Large black lady on cell: I know, right? Osama bin Laden is like the Uncle Sam of America!

–CVS Pharmacy

Posted on April 2, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Business and Commerce, Cops, Default, Food, Friends, Global Geography, Government, Harlem & Morningside Heights, History & Geography, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Politics, President, Public Transportation, Store, Street, Stuyvesant Town, Suits, Terrorism, Weirdness, Women

Maybe We Could Find a Chinese Restaurant in Italy

Teacher #1: I heard on the radio that the Chinese people are the ones that make the pasta. You know, the noodles.
Teacher #2: I did the research and it is pretty cheap to go to Italy. I wanna go.

–Elevator, 55 Broad St

Overheard by: Rob M

Posted on March 30, 2008
Default, Elevators, Ethnic Food, Global Geography, Teachers/Professors, Tourism, Travel, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wishes & desires

“Imagine there’s no neurons/ It’s easy if you try”

Female attorney: Bush said that America will rebuild Lennon. Why should we? We didn’t bomb them. We have enough problems of our own to worry about. Bush is nuts!
Male attorney: Lennon’s been dead for over 25 years.

–Outside Civil Court, Queens

Overheard by: Big Larry

Posted on March 29, 2008
About Celebrities, Comebacks, Death, Default, Global Geography, Lawyers, Men, Music, President, Queens, Stupidity, War, Women, Words

You Know, If the Developing World Can’t Keep Track of Itself, What Chance Do the Rest of Us Have?

Filipino girl #1: So, he’s from Bangladesh, right?
White guy: Really? Are you sure? ‘Cause he looks white…
Filipino girl #2: Yeah, but he’s really Filipino. Bangladesh is in Asia, right?
Filipino girl #1: Yeah, but not our part, which is why he doesn’t look completely white like me.

–1 train

Posted on March 29, 2008
Asians, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, On the Subway, Questions, Race, White Asians, White People

Except with More Cocaine

Tween boy, pointing at bumper sticker: Cool, Venezuela.
Guy unloading car: No, it says ‘Villanova.’
Tween: What’s that?
Guy: It’s a college.
Tween: Oh. [To himself] Is that in Venezuela?
Passerby: Yep.

–1st & 5th, Park Slope

Overheard by: Kate

Posted on March 27, 2008
Default, Global Geography, Guys, Park Slope, Questions, Strangers, Street, Tweens, Words

The Fiery and Passionate Kind. [Wink.]

Customer: Oh, you go to my school. So, what’s your name?
Employee: Eric* Dominguez…
Customer: Oooh! So, like, you’re Spanish?
Employee: Yeah.
Customer: Oh, that’s cool. So, like, what kind of Spanish person are you?

–Subway restaurant, Queens

Posted on March 25, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Customers, Default, Foreigners, Global Geography, Names, Queens, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity

Warning to All Swimmers: Today’s Riptide is Supersonic

Loud girl #1: I lost my sandals at the beach!
Loud girl #2: Oh my God, now it’s probably floating somewhere in the Pacific Ocean!

–Bay Terrace Shopping Center, Queens

Overheard by: doesn’t anybody pay attention in global anymo

Posted on March 24, 2008
Default, Fears, Girls, Global Geography, Idiots, Malls, Queens, Shoes, Stupidity, U.S. Geography

She Lost All Respect for the USSR When They Stopped Threatening Nuclear Annihilation

Guy hearing fireworks go off: Wow! Listen to the fireworks! Or maybe it’s the Soviet Union bombing Manhattan!
Girl, obviously unimpressed: Yeah, they totally need to make a comeback.

–3rd & 5th

Posted on March 20, 2008
Default, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, History & Geography, Idiots, Street, Union Square and East Village, War, Weapons

Global Geography