Wednesday One-Liners Will Kick Your Ass at Beer Pong

Frat boy on cell: Next time this happens, just grab him by the penis and drag him into bed.

–Grand Central

Frat boy: I mean, STDs are nothing to worry about. There are more Pokemon than there are STDs!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Pikachu

Enthusiastic frat boy: Sure, sure, but back in history when there were no diseases…

–57th Street & 8th

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Frat boy on cell: If I were him, I’d tell her to get her boobs put in too, as long as she’s already under.

–Mercer & 8th

Incensed frat-type dude on cell: Dude! I didn’t fingerbang your sister in Tijuana! I’m not a snake like that. I fingerbanged her in Cancun, so it was on American soil… And you were in the next bed. Tell me you don’t remember any of this?!

–NR Train

Posted on May 21, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bryant Park, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Frat Boys, Global Geography, Grand Central, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Penis, Sex, Sexuality, STDs, The Village, Trains Not Subway, TV

If You Have Unprotected Sex, You May Hear the Pitter-Patter of Tiny Treats

Blond guy: Hey dude, last week I was sooo drunk.
Brown haired guy: Oh what happened?
Blond guy: I was at a bar, right? Pissed drunk. Then I saw this hot girl, took her over to my place and she slept over. We had a great time until we woke up, and the bed was covered in like sixty individually wrapped Kinder chocolates. I have no idea where they came from, neither one of us were German! They were just all over the bed. ’til this day, I still don’t know where they came from…
Brown haired: Wow.

–74th St Deli

Overheard by: Stephanie

Posted on May 13, 2008
Brits, Default, Delis, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Friends, Global Geography, Guys, Questions, Sexuality

And the Indoor Fireworks?

Guy in Christmas sweater: I just got renters insurance.
Friend: Congratulations! Just in time for Chinese new year!

–Sweet & Vicious

Posted on May 3, 2008
Chinatown, Default, Friends, Global Geography, Guys, Holidays, Money & Class

But Almost to the End of the Block

Woman: Okay, follow me.
Man: I would follow you to the ends of… Um…
Woman: The earth?
Man: Uh, not that far.

–44th & Madison

Overheard by: donz

Posted on May 2, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Global Geography, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Questions, Relationships, Women

So I Should Be Fine

Student #1: Can you drink rubbing alcohol?
Teacher: No. If you do, you will die.
Student #2: Unless you’re Irish.

–Classroom, Edward R. Murrow Highschool, Brooklyn

Overheard by: anonymous

Posted on April 28, 2008
Brooklyn, Classroom, Death, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Global Geography, Questions, School, Science, Students, Teachers/Professors

Wait, Hamburgers, That’s How!

Stuy Girl: So, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Stuy Guy: Well, I really want to just own some cows in Spain.
Stuy girl: Um, and do what with them?
Stuy Guy: Uh, milk them…I guess.
Stuy Girl: That’s not very realistic.
Stuy Guy: Yeah, I was thinking more in terms of like, if I didn’t have to survive…

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: jules

Posted on April 28, 2008
Animals & Nature, Asians, Default, Ferry, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Questions, Staten Island Ferry, Wishes & desires

…Cowboy

Pretentious hipster: So where are you ethnically from?
Indian girl: India.
Pretentious hipster: Well, I know that, but are you from Bangladesh, Pakistan, or India?
Indian girl: India.
Pretentious hipster: Ohhh, you’re Native American.
Indian girl: I’ll take that drink now.

–Welcome to the Johnsons Bar, Lower East Side

Overheard by: blondie

Posted on April 22, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Default, Desi, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Hipsters, Lower East Side, Offers and requests, Questions, Race, Stupidity

Wednesday One-Liners for the Polyglots

Frustrated bouncer: You don’t speak Spanish, you don’t speak Chinese, what the fuck do you speak?

–Broome Street, Chinatown

Woman, talking to friends: And I love how his "Dominican" wife has an Irish accent.

–109th & Broadway

Overheard by: Cassandra

Crazy guy running: The British are coming! The British are coming!

–8th St & 6th Ave

Woman talking to friend: So this Chinese guy told me he was speaking Vietnamese. I never knew that Vietnam was in china! I felt so ignorant after that.

–St. Mark’s & 1st Ave

30-something woman to her female friend: I didn’t know he was gay. I just thought he was French.

–E 34th St

Foreign woman, after the entire audience has been screaming "Cunt! Cunt!" at the end of "Reclaiming Cunt" during "The Vagina Monologues": I think my English is improving!

–New School

Posted on April 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bouncers, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Default, Fears, Foreigners, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Global Geography, Guys, Happiness, Insults, Language Barrier, Languages, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, New School, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women, Words

You’re Just Jealous Because Heath Ledger’s Housekeeper Called Me and Not You

Skinny girl #1: … And these guys always want to do blow with me, like all the time, it’s so weird!
Skinny girl #2: Awww, no one ever wants to do blow with me.
Skinny girl #1, whispering loudly: That’s because your ass is the size of Russia.

–Tiffany & Co.

Overheard by: EDW

Posted on April 5, 2008
Ass, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Global Geography, Gripes, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Skinny People, Store

God Bless Wednesday One-Liners

Cop: There are no downtown express trains! I repeat, there are no downtown express trains. If you have a problem with that, take it up with the President of the United States!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Trixie

Suit on cell: The problem with Canada is that it’s not the U.S.

–129th St, Harlem

Overheard by: Koen

Black guy on cell: Yeah, what is Condoleezza Rice, anyway? I think she’s Puerto Rican or Dominican. She’s definitely not American.

–Barnes & Noble, W 66th St

Black guy to white friend eating lunch: Ah, yes, the American dream: doing nothing while eating a sandwich.

–Stuyvesant High

Hobo: Thirty-two-gallon garbage can — who wants this beautiful 32-gallon garbage can? Made right here in the US-of-A! Come on, people! It’s an American product at Mexican prices. Now, what’s my first bid?

–4th Ave & Atlantic

Overheard by: Mike N

Large black lady on cell: I know, right? Osama bin Laden is like the Uncle Sam of America!

–CVS Pharmacy

Posted on April 2, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Business and Commerce, Cops, Default, Food, Friends, Global Geography, Government, Harlem & Morningside Heights, History & Geography, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Politics, President, Public Transportation, Store, Street, Stuyvesant Town, Suits, Terrorism, Weirdness, Women

Global Geography

Wait, Hamburgers, That’s How!