Girl: I’m using super advanced alien technology!
Guy: I’m using… a pumpkin!
Wheaton, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
Girl: I’m using super advanced alien technology!
Guy: I’m using… a pumpkin!
Wheaton, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
30-year-old woman on cell: I think I should just call Lisa* and ask her if she has cancer, because she is way too normal. There has to be something wrong with her.
Ferry line
Nantucket, Massachusetts
Burly dude: No, seriously, the thing about anal is it’s warmer, tighter, and you hardly ever get shit on your dick!
High school cafeteria
Lawrenceville, Georgia
Overheard by: we were scared for his tiny girlfriend
Queer: So, that pretty much sums it up.
Fag hag: Wow.
Queer: It’s actually pretty usual for gays, I’m just not into it.
Fag hag: Wow. I am so scared of gay men right now.
Queer: Sweetie, it’s not like a hamster wearing galoshes is [bus goes by so rest is inaudible].
Fag hag: Like summer camp.
Bus stop
Gainesville, Florida
Gas station worker #1, pointing to arm: … And right here is where I got stabbed.
Gas station worker #2: No way! That’s the exact same place I got stabbed! Same arm, too!
Pittsford, New York
Overheard by: Rook
Chick: I’m not the one who decided to take her to a gay strip club. I just participated in it. I’m not taking responsibility.
Garden State Plaza, New Jersey
Freshman chick #1: It’s like, I came home and, like, three months had passed for me, but, like, not for everyone else.
Freshman chick #2: Yeah, my bed is too short now.
Denver International Airport
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: lith
Party-goer: She is the only person I know who has a favorite appliance!
Moroccan restaurant
Seattle, Washington
Crunchy hippie: We were on the way to the bee colony to harvest some honey, but then I thought, Dude! It’s time for a drum circle.
House of Musical Traditions
Takoma Park, Maryland
Girl, about sister’s boyfriends: That was Bob* — he wanted to marry her.
Guy: Bob was kinda creepy.
Girl: Bob was not creepy! He had a job.
Guy: If that’s your only qualification for ‘not creepy’–
Girl: –He just faked his own death. But he got it out of his system — he won’t do it again.
DMV
Virginia
Overheard by: much less bored now
