30-something wasp: So she's out of his league and he still treats her bad?
Identical 30-something wasp: I know! If Urkel is gonna date Angelina Jolie, Urkel better fucking step it up!

–50th & 9th

Overheard by: Wes

Trashy Jersey man: That guy is such a jerk to his wife.
Trashy Jersey woman: Yeah, one time I peed myself in his car just to make him mad. I told him, “I just peed in your car.” He was mad.
Trashy Jersey man: That was a good idea. Or you could have busted his face with a bottle.

–2 Train

Girl #1: So I told her she should totally come to the beach on Saturday, and you know what she said? She said she can't… she has her “lady friend.” And I was like “hello, tampon.”
Girl #2: I'm so over those.
Girl #1: That's what she said too.
Girl #2: Word!

–Bathroom, Central Park Playground

Overheard by: Heather

Girl #1: We went to her house upstate.
Girl #2: How was it? Is it nice?
Girl #1: Yeah, it's really nice.
Girl #2: Oh… Okay. So it's not like Sex and the City no air-conditioning? It's like hey, I have a tennis court?
Girl #1: Yeah, definitely… and a pool.

–Greene & Waverly

Girl #1: So, I heard your sister slept with another guy last night…
Girl #2: Yeah, I know. I love her, because she’s, like, my sister and all. But seriously, she’s going to get a fucking disease.
Girl #1: It’s really easy to. I mean, I only sleep with girls, and remember when I got one?

–Line for Ani D. concert, Central Park

Overheard by: tiffany.

Guy: I don’t know — I think she intellectualizes everything, and she uses big vocabulary words, but that doesn’t make her smart, you know?
Girl: Yeah, totally.

–W 4th & Morton

Overheard by: Duncan

Man introducing lady friend to pal: This is Lucille, my ex-wife… She’s my second cousin… She was also my second wife.

–136th St, Harlem

Middle-aged woman: I have such a bad memory! I know, I know. I know. There are times I go to my daughter, ‘How do I spell my name?’

–D train

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Loud woman on cell: She’s evil! Don’t you know she killed mama? That’s the family secret!

–Q83 bus

Overheard by: It’s Jady, BiTChesss!!

Guy talking on cell: I completely understand that she was pissed off, but I mean, come on! She did hit her sister in the head with an iron!

–11th Ave

Lady: So, I bought my niece a gift. I don’t know why… She’s such an ungrateful little bitch.

–Grand Central

Man on cell: … So she said, ‘There’s no easy way to tell you this, so I’m just gonna say it… You have a four-year-old son.’

–26th & Park

Overheard by: Nick

13-year-old girl #1: I can't believe he's with that ho now.
13-year-old girl #2: It's 'cause she just got right up in his face and spread 'em. She just spread 'em.
13-year-old girl #1: Well, yeah, I mean she's ugly so she'd had to do something really extreme, you know?
13-year-old girl #2: Yeah, girl, she just spread 'em.
13-year-old girl #1: Whatever, it might have been easy but I could do all kinds of freaky things she just can't ever do for him. She made it easy, but she ain't a freak like me. I can do him all kinds of freaky ways that no one else can.
13-year-old girl #2: Well, I can do some freaky shit too.
13-year-old girl #1: Yeah, maybe. But not like me. I think I'm the freakiest woman alive. I got secrets you just can't even imagine. And I'm not sharin'.

–1 Train

Overheard by: shocked and appalled

Guy: Did you hear that Sam broke up with Angie?
Girl: Good for him! [Guy stares at her in disbelief.] Uh… I mean… Oh, poor Angie!

–NYU dining hall

Fashionista #1: Honestly, I think he would take whatever comes his way. He just wants to get laid.
Fashionista #2: And what? She's easy?
Fashionista #1: You know those European girls. She has an open-pussy-policy.

–E 86th St