NYU girl to friend: She looks like a lesbian.
Random older man walking by: Aw, don't talk about her like that when she's not around.
NYU girl: But she does!
Random older man: Okay, I believe you.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Ramsey

Hippie girl, about friend cheating: So now she won't answer anyone's calls. And her boyfriend said she hasn't come home in a week.
Friend, completely serious: Maybe he killed her for cheating on him and is calling everyone, acting worried.
Hippie girl: Are you serious right now?! She is probably staying with the guy she's been cheating with.
Friend, looking ashamed: Sorry, I've been watching way too much SVU.
Hippie girl: You need to make friends when you go back to Boston!

–Washington Square

20-something woman #1: She's an adult, and she still doesn't know how to blow dry her own hair!
20-something woman #2: I know! And she looks like shit when she comes into work.
20-something woman #1: It's absolutely disgusting!
20-something woman #2: Everyone is all wearing makeup and she's just not!
20-something woman #1: I know it's not in your job contract to blow dry your hair, but come on!

–1 Train

Girl #1: Did you hear about Stacey?
Girl #2: What about her?
Girl #1: She got pregnant.
Girl #2: Oh really? What kind is it?


White-haired lady #1: She's gay. Didn't you hear her say, “I can tell by the look on your face you're gay”?
Friends: What?
White-haired lady #1: You know, gay! AC/DC. She goes both ways. She's gay.
White-haired lady #2: No. (pause) She said “I can tell by the look on your face you're a virgin.”

–Broadway Show

Overheard by: drewbear

Flamboyant teenage boy: Did you see Keisha roll up to school today with that raggedy-ass stroller showing off her baby?
Teenage girl: Yeah, who she think she is? Them other girls had them babies in some decent rides.
Teenage boy: You never see the baby daddies rolling in, showing off their babies.
Teenage girl: Hahaha… Yeah, but next year, when I bring my baby, I ain't gonna have no ghetto stroller.

–D Train

Girl with scarf: So that's when I just, you know, decided that I'd have to just give up.
Blonde girl: Well, you're only human.
Girl with scarf: I know, I know.
Blonde girl: We're all only human.
Blonde girl: Except for Terry. He's a robot.
Girl with scarf: Ohmigod! I am so glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks that!

–N Train

Guy reading Post over someone's shoulder: David Letterman cheated on his wife with that? Dear god, I thought he'd have better taste.
Women reading paper: That is his wife!

–5 Train

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Hispanic teenage girl #1: I don't know about that girl. She just don't fit in with our group.
Hispanic teenage girl #2: Yeah, she think she ghetto fabulous, but she just ghetto.


Preppy guy to preppy friends: So then she's throwing these nerf balls at me while I'm furiously beating off on her couch…


Girl: Masturbation's not really my thing, but I need to be more self-sufficient.

–N Train

Angst 20-something on cell: Ya, I miss riding my bike, it made my ass look so good… Fuck! I just want to go home, smoke some weed, and masturbate.

–Central Park

Overheard by: kate

Guy: I hope this bus gets caught in a traffic jam! (looks down out of window) You may see people jacking off in their cars.

–MegaBus, Top Deck

Overheard by: EuropanGal

20-something girl on cell: Yeah, he's a big dork. Ya know what else he uses? Calculators. But that's just to masturbate.

–Macdougal & 4th

Overheard by: Billy H.

Young women on cell: Oh. My. God! You will never guess who got married! (pause) The masturbator!

–Bryant Park