Drunken bimbette: First of all, Francesca feels really bad about taking my dad’s money when he was in a coma…

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: another margarita, please!

Creepster: … And that’s why all the women in Paris wanted to stroke my head.


Overheard by: Laura

Rollerblading guy #1: … And that’s when I’ll finally know that I’m successful… When I’m sitting on my throne of skulls.
Rollerblading guy #2: Uhhh… Sure, man.

Church and Shuter Streets

Dude: Man, it’s just that some people got what 1992 was all about and some people didn’t. I’m one of the ones that got it, and she’s not, so no, we’re not going out again.


Guy: So, she and her boyfriend got really drunk and, long story short, she now has to use a colostomy bag for the rest of her life.

University of Florida
Gainesville, Florida

Teen girl on cell: Yeah, I couldn’t stop putting my tongue in them for, like, two months.

St. Paul International Airport
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Overheard by: Anna

Man: He’s been dating women he’s met online since back when it was creepy.


Overheard by: sherman

Grad student #1: So, have you been fucking mad bitches?
Grad student #2: Well… Not really.

MIT Chemical Engineering Lounge
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Woman: Did you hear about the lawyer in England who wouldn’t take a Muslim woman as a client because she wore a burkha and the lawyer said she couldn’t hear her?! [Holds piece of paper over her mouth] Hello! You can still hear me, right?
Boyfriend: Yeah.
Woman: I can’t believe this! They have that happen, but when a kid dressed up as a pirate and the school kicked him out he said he was a Pastafarian and they let him back in.
Boyfriend: Pastafarian?
Woman: You know, flying spaghetti monster as God, pirates are sacred…
Boyfriend: Oh, yeah.

League City, Texas

Overheard by: JustWantsCoffee

Old frat boy #1: Yeah, dude, I really need to get my stuff together. I’ve already graduated college and I still live like I’m in college.
Old frat boy #2: Yeah, don’t mess around and end up like Mike* — he’s about to have a second kid. Both of them were mistakes.
Old frat boy #1: Yeah, I always make the girls I have sex with stand on their heads after. I’m so glad that urban legend is true.
Old frat boy #2: Haha, yeah, I always make the girls I hook up with do post-coital jumping jacks.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Tyler