Take Me Out to the Wednesday One-Liner Game

Drunk NYU dude: You guys know that loose skin around your shaft or whatever? Push it over the tip of your dick. It feels like you have three balls. Three balls! Fucking sweet!

–NYU

Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual

Dude: I swear to god dude, I can feel my balls moving from side to side today!

–5th Ave

Hipster girl: Balls have no place in my mouth. Gum, chicken, or any other kind.

–F Train

Overheard by: Teabag

Loud fat black chick : I wanna kiss the balls of the person who made these cookies.

–Broadway

Overheard by: sounds yummy

Meathead on cell: I got some good shit for you for the gym. Shoot this shit in your ass three times a week and you'll look like The Incredible Hulk in no time… I can't believe you're doing all this stuff to impress your wife. We'll see how impressed she is when you don't have any balls anymore because you're on steroids. Who knows, maybe she'll start fucking me instead.

–48th & 8th

Overheard by: vicky

Guy on phone: I know classical music well enough to know that Vivaldi had no balls.

–42nd St & 10th Ave

Posted on November 19, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Balls, BJs, Black People, Body Parts, Drunks, Fat People, Food, Frat Boys, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Infidelity, Meatheads, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sports, Students, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners for the Fine Young Cannibals

Hipster: Everyone I know is either married, divorced, gay or crazy.

–37th St, Astoria

Overheard by: Matthias Sundberg

Karaoke panhandler singing Gnarls Barkley: "Does that make me craaaaazy? Maybe I'm craaaaaazy!" It's Memorial Day and I'm sitting here singing to people I never met before in my life. Mmmmmm…craaaazy!

–Times Square Subway Station

Black woman to janitor companion: I am so glad I live in the ghetto. These motherfuckers down here are crazy! (companion nods) And I live in the ghe-tto, 2 train ghetto.

–22nd St & 5th Ave

Hobo, watching man and woman having sex against a statue: I think I'm going to have to move to Europe or something. This place is getting too crazy.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Westsider

30-something guy on cell: Well, that's what my crazy sister said about my more crazy sister.

–Broadway & 114th St

Overheard by: mary e.

Little boy in abandoned shopping cart: I've gotta get off this crazy train!

–Target, Atlantic Ave

Posted on November 19, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Black People, Brooklyn, Columbia University, Crazy, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Happiness, Hipsters, Hobos, Kids, Marriage, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Panhandling, Parks, Public Transportation, Sex, Store, Subway Stations, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Travel, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Women

This Conversation Has Already Gone on Way Beyond the Limits Of My Patience

Guy #1: Yo, why haven't you followed me on Twitter yet?
Guy #2: Man, I don't even pay attention to you when you talk!

–2 Train

Posted on November 19, 2014
Comebacks, Guys, Internet, On the Subway, Questions

Wednesday One-Liners Forget the Safe Word

Tall 30-something: With my corporate job, I couldn't afford a studio at $1,850 per month, so then I became a dominatrix. But after a while, it takes over your life. You end up thinking "Well, I don't have anyone to beat up today, I'll just online shop." So I had to stop."

–54th St & 10th Ave, in Line for The Daily Show

Man on phone: Oh…but I thought you said to leave $500 for you to pick up. (pause) I'm sorry mistress…I'm sorry mistress.

–Broome b/w Mercer & Greene

Guy on cell in line for NJ transit bus: Call me daddy. Call me daddy! Now slap that ass. I can't hear that, slap that ass harder! Yeah, that's what I like.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Eric

Woman on cell: I'm going to spank you. Can I do that?

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: shelallie

Enthusiastic guy to friends: I probably could've whipped better today.

–Midtown

Overheard by: Eric

Six-year-old girl to little boys wrestling: Guys, why don't you to it to me? …cuz I don't care. My stomach hurts already. Guys, why don't you push me down? Because I like it!

–Central Park

Overheard by: nosey nafia

Posted on November 19, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, Port Authority, Questions, S&M, Soho, Store, Violence, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Go Chasing Waterfalls

Guy in line for the bathroom: Man, it takes a lot of trust to let someone piss through your legs.

–Angelika Theater

Girl: If I had a barbecue on my stoop, three queens would pee on it on the first night. I mean, you'd think they wouldn't, since it's a historically gay street. But I've seen so many queens peeing on Christopher Street when it's nice out!

–28th & 5th

Overheard by: Donk

Really drunk girl: I have to pee so bad! I almost peed on the corner, but then I remembered I don't have a penis.

–14th St

NYU girl, immediately after taking shot of tequila: Guys, I have to pee, but I don't want to pee out the patron!

–NYU Dorm

NYU girl: I'm going to go see her! I sobered up for this! I drank tons of water! I could pee my ass out!

–8th & University

Short cop on his phone: Peed? You peed on the bed?

–21st St b/w 3rd & 2nd

Posted on November 18, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cops, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Questions, Sorority Girls, Street, The Village, Theater, Trannies, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Talk About Rebuilding Downtown

Punk boy: Which way is Delancey Street?
Stoop guy: That’s Delancey.
Punk girl: Well, they must have moved it then.

–Essex between Delancey & Rivington

Posted on November 18, 2014
Comebacks, Girls, Guys, Lower East Side, NYC Geography, Punks, Stupidity, Talking/Convos

All She Needs Is More Pockets

Guy #1: Emily complemented me on not carrying anything to or from work.
Guy #2: She so wants to be a dude.

–41st & Madison

Posted on November 18, 2014
Gender issues, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Wishes & desires

It’s Not You, It’s Wednesday One-Liners

Guy to friends: They broke up… He was only in the relationship for the free Nike gear anyway.

–Stone St.

Overheard by: Jen

Hipster dude: So Jane* is coming to the studio tonight to do some recording. Should I have her do it and then break up with her, or break up with her first and then have her do it?

–F Train

Overheard by: dianora

13-year-old girl on cell: What? You broke up with him? That’s so cruel! Um, can I date him?

–Thompson Street, The Village

Excited teen girl: This would be a great place to break up with some people!

–8th St Park

Girl on cell: They broke up? I always thought that them breaking up was like a joke, like saying you don’t like Brussels sprouts when you secretly do, but you just say it because it’s the first yucky vegetable that comes to your mind. But hey, that’s great!

–Outside the Frick Museum

Overheard by: A. Pincus

Guy, yelling from third story fire escape: Sarah! Sarah Whitlock! Don’t leave me! She meant nothing to me! Come back… Please! (pause) Okay, but I’m keeping the deposit!

–E 4th Street

Overheard by: Nima Shirazi

Posted on November 17, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Free stuff!, Friends, Guys, Hipsters, Money & Class, Museums, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Relationships, Shoes, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

You're a Founding Partner at Ugly, Boring & Badfuck

Guy #1: So we broke up, but it wasn't like she broke up with me because I was ugly or boring or terrible in bed or something, she just said she wasn't ready for a commitment.
Guy #2: Dude, of course that's why she broke up with you!

–6th St & Ave A

Posted on November 17, 2014
Alphabet City, Beauty, Breaking Up, Guys, Lies, Physical appearance