Guys

Dude #1: If I was the last man on earth, I would die of exhaustion from banging too much!
Dude #2: If I was the last man on earth, I’d die of AIDS from banging too much.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: Rich
Headline by: Syd O

Runners-Up:
· “And his guidance counselor said he wasn’t goal oriented…” – Marc
· “Apparently the apocalypse is a lot like New York in the 80s.” – julian
· “But as long as there’s even one other man left, they’re both safe” – Not buying it
· “Either Way, He’d Be Fucked!” – Hobo Whisperer
· “How is that any different then now.” – Kaleena
· “If you were the last man on earth, we’d all be lesbians” – Tam
· “If I’m goin’ everyone else is coming with me” – Botticus
· “If you were the last man on earth, I’d die from banging my head against a wall” – Becky
· “It’s a catch simplex 2.” – Vin
· “Oh yeah? If I were the last man on Earth, I’d die of whatever killed the other guys!” – Chris
· “Only After All the Batteries Are Gone” – Lush
· “The Planet Of All Women Drivers, I Know How I Would Die” – berger inferno

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Girl: I smell barbecue!
Guy: Close your legs.

–Queens Center Mall

Overheard by: charninazard

Guy: Yeah, we call my brother’s girlfriend Swiss Miss.
Girl: Is that because she’s Brazilian?

–Purity Diner, 7th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: Cleo

Skanky woman: Do I know you? You were giving me a look like you know me.
Teenage boy: No.
Teenage boy to fellow train rider: Do you have a pen?

–R train platform

Overheard by: Doc

Guy: He’s kind of cute.
Girl: No he’s not, I do not approve.
Guy: Whatever, I think he’s a really interesting person.
Girl: Of course he’s interesting. He’s addicted to coke and he’s a gay porn star and we know all of this about him and we’ve only known him for 5 minutes.

–no idea bar 20th St & 5th Ave

Ghetto guy: They got Freshman Friday at my school.
Ghetto girl: What’s Freshman Friday?
Ghetto guy: That’s when they fuck up the freshmen.
Ghetto girl: You a freshman!
Ghetto guy: So? They ain’t gonna grab me…I’m gonna…Whatever.

–Bronx bound 1 Train

Overheard by: Krisztina

Bostonian Girl: I need to get clothes for the city.
Bostonian Guy: What’s wrong with what you have?
Bostonian Girl: Are you kidding? We’re in New York City, you can’t wear North Face in NYC. They’ll be able to tell we’re New Englanders from a mile away.

–Fordham University

Singing hobo: I’m gonna praise Him! I’m gonna thank Him in His naaaame!
Dude #1 gives the hobo a dollar.
Singing hobo: Thank you. God bless you.
Dude #2: Dude, my balls still hurt.
Dude #1: Did you take anything?

–Northbound N

Overheard by: Matt Hartwick

Girl:…Oh come on, it won’t be that bad.
Guy: Fuck no! I am NOT fucking your sister!

–Grand Central

Guy: They’ll be so impressed that you’ll eat dog shit without them even asking.
Girl: Will they really?
Guy: My friends actually pitched a show called America: Who Can Eat the Most Dog Shit?
Girl: What’s that about?
Guy: Um… basically what it sounds like.
Girl: Well let them know there’s human interest for that.

–Flatiron District