Broke Mountain

Hobo #1: What’s my name, man? What’s my name?
Hobo #2: Shit…I know yo’ name…
Hobo #1: What’s my name? Yo’ name is Joe Smith. See, you don’t even know my name!
Hobo #2: I know yo’ name…but you gotta tell me yo’ name first.
Hobo #1: We in Heaven right now…if you see me, you not gonna know my name!
Hobo #2: Shit, we in Heaven right now? That’s fucked up!
Hobo #1: I told you my name like a hundred times. I’m Larry. What’s my name?
Hobo #2: You ain’t told me yet!
Hobo #1: All right…we in kindergarten now. What’s my name?
Hobo #2: Heaven. Man, that’s messed up.
Hobo #1: Man, I love you.

–A train

Overheard by: Mikey

Posted on May 5, 2015
Anger Management, Elementary & Middle School, Etiquette, Friendship, Hobos, On the Subway

From the All-Hobo Rendition Of the Star Wars Trilogy

Hobo #1: Stop it!
Hobo #2 (pulling away stops and yelling): Is this how you treat your autistic son?
Hobo #1 (shocked): You're not my son!

–34th St & Park Ave

Posted on May 3, 2015
Family Ties, Handicaps, Hobos, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Weirdness

You Do Not Want to Get Caught in Their Web.

Hobo walking around making gun with hands: Spiderman, Spiderman, Spiderman…
Bag lady, to no one in particular: He thinks he's s Spiderman, but he's really not.
Hobo to hand: She's right, ya know. Spiderman.

–Penn Station

Posted on May 3, 2015
Bag ladies, Crazies, Crazy, Hobos, Penn Station, Superheroes, Weirdness

…But You Might Not Want It Back Once I Swipe It

Hobo: Happy birthday! Can I have a dollar?
Preppy guy: What? Sorry, I don't have any cash.
Hobo: I accept all major credit cards.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: cmtWHAT

Headline by: eeny

Runners-Up:
· “…Except Diner’s Club, I Have Standards, You Know” – DotTim
· “As Unemployment Rises, Technology Transforms the Bum Sector” – PeterG
· “Hobos: They’re Everywhere You Want to Be” – Coyoty
· “Mastercard: Avaliable in More Places” – MaccasGirl

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on May 2, 2015
Apologies, Birthdays, Headline Contest Winners, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Panhandling, Preppies

Might Be the Old Good Hobo/ Crazy Hobo Routine

Crazy hobo: What do you get when you take the lemons out of the lemonade?
Unsuspecting tourist: Um… ‘Ade’?
Crazy hobo: No! Sugar water! What do you get when you have an old cowboy?
Friendly hobo: Man, get the fuck outta here, ya fucking weirdo! Leave her the fuck alone!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Katie

Posted on May 1, 2015
Hobos, Only in New York, Penn Station

I Told You Hobos Can’t Close

Homeless man: Can anyone spare some change for a homeless man? Can anyone spare a penny, nickel, or dime? Penny, nickel, or dime?

Subway doors close.

Homeless man: Oh, shit, wait, I got to get off this train! Get out of my way!

Subway rider: You’re not going to get much with that sales pitch.

–N train, Queensborough Plaza

Overheard by: Josh Shurtleff

Posted on April 28, 2015
Hobos, On the Subway, Queens

Swirl Was Always My Favorite Kind Of Soft-Serve Ice Cream

Black hobo to young tourist couple with baby: Mmmmmmmmmmm… That's a nice lookin' baby! You must've done good that night… or morning. (laughs)
Father: Uh… haha… yeah.
Black hobo: I need to find me a white lady so I can make me a Barack Obama. Mmm-hmm!

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Emily

Posted on April 26, 2015
Babies, Beauty, Black People, Compliments, Couples, Dads, Families, Hobos, Laughter, On the Subway, President, Race, Tourists

Wednesday One-Liners Quit Their Day Jobs for Stand-up

Hobo to chick: You’re looking nice this evening! [She ignores him.] Normally you look like shit.

–Lafayette & White

Hobo eating entire roast chicken: You got a quarter for some food? Haven’t eaten in days.

–73rd & Broadway

Overheard by: mosugs

Hobo: Hey, look! It’s everyone’s favorite bum! [He’s ignored.] Oh, geez, that went over well.

–Outside Gray’s Papaya

Overheard by: Zach

Hobo to high school students: Hey, kids — stay smart, stay in school… Yeah! Be cool, stay in school! Someone’s got to arrest me one day!

–60th & 10th

Hobo: The fed done lowered interest rates again! You gentlemen get to keep mo’ money in yo’ pocket. Please donate a dollar to help me keep these financial updates as a free service.

–Beaver St

Overheard by: Big Larry

Hobo: I take American Express!

–West Village

Overheard by: Only had a Visa

Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, please help keep our trains moving. Get out and push!

–A train

Posted on April 24, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Hobos, Panhandling, Wednesday One-Liners

Kidding or Not Kidding?

Hobo lady: It’s gonna rain hard!
Hobo guy: I guess I’ll get the soap ready.

–Astor Place & Cooper Square

Posted on April 24, 2015
Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Union Square and East Village

On the Other Hand, That Bottle Was Probably Made by Kids

Teen to hobo tossing empty bottle on the ground: Hey, don't leave that here! Kids play around here!
Hobo: I hate kids.
Random passerby: You can't beat that logic!

–Central Park

Posted on April 23, 2015
Central Park, Drinking & Drunk People, Gripes, Hobos, Homeless, Kids, Parks, Teens