Suit lugging huge rolling suitcase to hobo taking up two seats on train: Pardon me.
Hobo (sliding over, looking at huge suitcase): What do you have there, a dog or something?
Suit (with deadpan look on his face, stroking suitcase fondly): I used to. (sighs)
(hobo slowly inches away)
–L Train
Overheard by: Cai
Guy preaching on subway: I noticed I would always get hit on by beautiful women when I was with a woman, so I started hanging out with lesbians, and now we pick up women together.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Alexis
Panhandler going through train: God bless you, will anyone spare some money? God bless you, damm! You have a pretty white girlfriend.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Jackie
Woman giving out free loot: You girls are so pretty, want some condoms?
–Grand Central Station
Hobo: Why do rich men get to marry all the pretty girls, kill them, and get away with it?
–125th St
Trashed girl, coming out of bathroom: I hate when guys say, "you're pretty enough."
–Bar 9, 54th & 9th
Overheard by: Ladle
Big slobby schlub, loudly talking to buddy: So, she was about to become another disposable pretty girl.
–W 66th St
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Rambling crazy man: All of you women look beautiful, but in the end, y'all still have to take a shit!
–L Train
Overheard by: The City Planner
Panhandler: Hey, Red, can you help me out with some change?
Red: Sorry, man, not today.
Panhandler, frustrated: C’mon man, it’s always ‘not today’ every time I see you!
Red: I ain’t lied to you yet, have I?
–Ft Greene, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Breck
Guy: 100 bucks! Can you believe it? 100 bucks and all I had to do was suck on his toes for a while!
–Soho
Overheard by: J. B. Palka
Hobo preacher: You might as well just start wiping your ass with your
college diploma, because that’s all they’re good for anyway.
–Union Square
Smoking hobo: Hey man, can I get a cigarette?
Smoking man: You're already smoking one.
Smoking hobo: Gotta plan for the future!
Smoking man: Now you wanna plan?
–12th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Jay
Hobo: Where are you going?
Drunk guy: Bermuda. I’m connecting to the plane.
Drunk guy: Is that your cousin?
Hobo: Yeah!
Drunk guy: He didn’t even say nothing to you. That’s fucked up!
Hobo: My name is Peter. Peter Parker. I’m Spider-Man’s father.
The hobo shows the drunk guy his bottle. The drunk guy takes out a can of beer and a bottle of whiskey
Drunk guy: So what? You trying to beat me? You started a competition and I beat you. I came prepared.
–PATH train
Overheard by: Tony Gabriel
Girl: [In the month of October] Why is there a leprechaun passed out on those steps?
Friend: Oh, wow. Is it April Fools’ Day?
–Madison Ave
Hobo: Hey buddy, can you spare a nickel?
Cabbie: Yeah, do you accept credit cards?
Hobo: Fuck you! I am here trying to live on the streets. Just take your customer wherever she’s going…Don’t you tip his sorry ass. He’s a racist Iraqian.
–23rd & 2nd
Overheard by: Cat
Yuppie giving panhandler change: Don't do drugs.
Panhandler: Where am I going to buy drugs for a quarter?
–105th St & Broadway
Overheard by: matthew
(tiny Asian girl in a striped skirt and high-heeled boots is hauling a suitcase up the stairs from the subway).
Hobo: You know who you look like?
Asian girl: Who?
Hobo: You know who you look like?
Asian girl: Who?
Hobo: Girl, you look like Paul Lynde.
–12th St & 7th Ave
