Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Actually Expect Them to Answer

Hobo to dog: I can’t believe she swallowed my cum!

–69th & Columbus

Big, black man to small, white, yappy dog: Yeah, yeah, we know you’re badass.

–W 146th & St. Nick’s

UES lady to her pup chasing a mouse: Sweetie, don’t! I just brushed your teeth.

–UES

Overheard by: asaf

Hobo to small white dog: Gimme all yo’ money!

–Burger King, 42nd St, between 8th & 9th

Guy to muzzled Pit Bull: It’s your fault, not mine, that you’re wearing that!

–11th & University

Lady to her dog barking at Hispanic maintenance guy: Quiet or you will have a time out!

–UES

Little girl in stroller to dog: Hi, Mister Puppy! Where are your pants?!

–Outside Brooklyn Botanical Garden

Overheard by: cara

Posted on August 8, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Man's Best Friend, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

And If Wishes Were Bitches…

Boyfriend: I wish I had a dog.
Girlfriend: I wish I were a dog.

–Union Square

Overheard by: arctinus

Posted on June 16, 2007
Couples, Man's Best Friend, Union Square and East Village

So Not Why I Wear This Collar

Teen girl #1: I hate riding in her car.
Teen girl #2: I know! It smells like dog, and then you look like dog.

–Bushwick

Overheard by: -|

Posted on May 20, 2007
Beauty, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Girls, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Scents of the City, Teens

And That’s How I Got the Idea for My Animal Proctology Practice

Man with kid: So, that day I was holding my dog and walking down the stairs when all of a sudden I just fell… And guess what?! My dog landed flat on my face! His ass was on my face! His ass!
Friend: Ummm…

–Springfield, Queens

Posted on May 19, 2007
Creepsters, Man's Best Friend, Queens

Wednesday One-Liners for Dennis Franz

Cop to old lady with walker: Excuse me, miss, do you have a license and insurance for that thing?

–57th St

Overheard by: jesse

Black teen to fellow commuter: So, I get off the train and I find this cop. He says to me, ‘Do I know you?’ ‘No, man.’ Then he asks, ‘Haven’t I arrested you before?’ And I say, ‘Nigga, please! No!’

–E train near W 4th St

Mounted police officer holding a pay phone and sobbing: Please, Mom, I’ll do anything!

–8th & 5th

Overheard by: jewish girl

Professor, about police sirens blaring outside: They’re playing our song.

–Columbia University

Large black lady hissing about a police dog sniffing and following black guy: That dog be racial profilin’! He’s a racist! That cop dog’s a racist!

–Subway station, Times Square

Chick to cop writing ticket, standing next to the naked cowboy: Can you give him a ticket for having a bubble butt?

–Times Square

Overheard by: knipc

Posted on May 9, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Cops, Family Ties, Man's Best Friend, Questions, Race, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

You’re Definitely a Full Grown Bitch

Girl #1: What do you mean I’m ‘the cutest thing ever’? I’m 21! What am I, a puppy?!
Girl #2: All I meant was you wear colorful clothes and smile a lot!

–Urban Outfitters

Overheard by: Abram

Posted on May 6, 2007
Age/Aging, Biotechs, Clothing, Compliments, Man's Best Friend, Store

I’m Not Even Black, Am I?

Hobo: Hey, doggie. Come here, doggie. Hey, hey, doggie. Come over here.
Woman, pulling dog away on leash: Come, Mikey! Come on!
Hobo, to passerby: You see that? Fuckin’ racist don’t want me touchin’ her dog ’cause I’m fuckin’ black!
Teen passerby: No, sir, it’s because you are homeless.
Hobo: Oh. Well, yeah. There’s that.

–Clinton & Montague, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Mike N

Posted on April 28, 2007
Assholes, Brooklyn, Hobos, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Race, Teens, Women

Well, Her Roommate. But Close Enough

Dude: So, how’s Chin Chin doing?
Girl: Oh, pretty good. She just got over that whole vaginal discharge thing. [Awkward silence.]Dude, to another girl: Chin Chin is her dog, by the way.

–NYU dorm elevator

Overheard by: valerie

Posted on April 23, 2007
Friends, Man's Best Friend, NYU

Wag the Wednesday One-Liner

Woman on cell: So, the doctor tells me to get on the table. He could’ve told me to get on the table and be a dog and I would’ve hopped on there and went, ‘Bow-wow, motherfuck.’

–6 train

Overheard by: SilentButDeadly

Young girl to mother: Do you think I’m a dog? I’ll tell you if I am.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: vm

30-ish woman: Tom’s* ass, to me, is like a steak to a sleeping dog… Rrruff!

–34th & 5th

Overheard by: hungry dog

Big black man: My friend is looking for people to sell cocaine for him. He figured out this great way to get around the dogs — they’re scared of bigger animals, so he puts all his drugs in bull shit.

–Bus, Broadway

Overheard by: lora

Dude: Are those things dogs or are those things people?

–Union Square

Overheard by: The Baron

Checkout chick: So, that’s my dilemma — do I spend my tax refund on a chihuahua or a Master’s degree?

–Warehouse Wines, 770 Broadway

Overheard by: Jamie

Posted on April 4, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Kids, Man's Best Friend, On Cell, Wednesday One-Liners

Man’s Best Friend