Please Pick Up After Your Wednesday One-Liners

Crazy guy with black Labrador (angrily): Why didn't you say anything? I thought you were my friend.

–3rd & Sullivan

Overheard by: Sizzle

Middle aged Rastafari to Labrador: This isn't a chew toy, motherfucker!

–Central Park West

Overheard by: Sarah

Man to small puppy: You're so round and furry, aren't you Oscar? You're like a Mexican!

–Fordham Road

Old lady with tiny dog: Sparky, I really don't want to be in here.

–PETCO, Union Square

Overheard by: Ave

Woman to dog: Oh, rolling onto your back again, are you? Just like the slutty girl at prom…

–Extra Virgin Restaurant, The Village

Overheard by: wink

(crazy hobo walks up to little girl's dog and picks it up)
Crazy homeless man (shouting in the dog's face): I would name you snowball, but you're brown!

–Tompkins Square Park

Posted on September 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Friendship, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Men, Museum of Natural History, Nicknames & name calling, Old People, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, The Bronx, The Village, Union Square and East Village, We Love Our Pets, Women

Explains the Doggie Sweater with the Red “A”

[Man with big dog is standing on the sidewalk. Man with small dog walks by. Small dog starts jumping at and around big dog.]Man with big dog: Is it a boy?
Man with small dog: Yeah.
Man with big dog: Oh, he better watch out! [Gestures to his dog.] She’s a slut!

–Washington Place, Outside Pless Hall

Overheard by: Caliban

Posted on May 4, 2008
Advice, Default, Gender issues, Man's Best Friend, Men, Questions, Sexuality, Strangers, The Village

Still a More Convincing Gandhi Than Ben Kingsley

Guy with thick New York accent: Come on, let’s go.
[Dog lies down on back.]Guy: Don’t do that Mahatma Gandhi shit!

–Washington Square Dog Run

Overheard by: KidUgly

Posted on April 26, 2008
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Default, Guys, History & Geography, Man's Best Friend, Offers and requests, Parks, Washington Square Park, Words

My Dog’s a New Yorker. Nothing Shocks Him.

Man lunging at woman walking dog about to step on manhole cover: Don’t let him walk on that!
Woman: What are you doing?!
Man: Sometimes they have electricity running through them!
Woman: What?
Man: Do you want your dog to get shocked?!

–14th & 7th

Overheard by: Brigdh

Posted on March 13, 2008
Advice, Default, Man's Best Friend, Men, West Village, Women

Kinda Depends on What the Dog Does, If You Follow Me

Man: Does it go in and out?
Woman, walking her dog: The vagina? [Lowers voice] Oh, you mean the dog leash.

–28th & Steinway

Overheard by: coinberg

Posted on February 19, 2008
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Man's Best Friend, Men, Questions, Vagina, Women, Words

Or Is It a Laboratory Poodle?

Bimbette #1: Chris got a lab-a-doodle.
Bimbette #2: What’s that?
Bimbette #1: It’s a cross between a Labrador and a doodle.

–Lexington Ave, between 61st & 62nd St

Overheard by: The New York Crank

Posted on January 15, 2008
Bimbettes, Man's Best Friend, Stupidity, Upper East Side

Like Dogs?

Jamaican nanny on cell: Girl, I just got back from a four day vacation. Where? My bed. We fucked nonstop for four days like dogs. I couldn’t even get out to take a shit.
Mother: Excuse me, there are children around.
Jamaican nanny: Fuck the children!

–Food Emporium, UWS

Overheard by: Dan

Posted on October 8, 2007
Biotechs, Compare/Contrast, Foreigners, Gripes, Grocery Stores, Holidays, Hootchies, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Moms, On Cell, Sex, Time

I Was Talking to Dave

Girl: There’s no way that dog’s mouth is cleaner than mine.
Guy #1: It’s true. Dogs’ mouths are cleaner.
Girl: He was just licking his ass.
Guy #2: You should lick your ass. Maybe you’d be nicer [laughs].
Guy #1: Yeah! [High fives guy #2]. Seriously, though, I’ll lick your ass if you want.
Girl: You sicken me.

–Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: Wrong place right time

Headline by: Jon A.

Runners-Up:
· “At Least Rover Licks My Ass with His Pinky Out Like a Gentleman.” – KMW
· “Central Park Zoo: The Human Exhibit” – SAtCW
· “I’m Not Hearing a “No”” – x halloween jack x
· “My Two Dads: 2007” – SAtCW

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on October 4, 2007
Ass, Central Park, Friends, Headline Contest Winners, Health and Hygiene, Kink, Man's Best Friend

Shouldn’t It Be in Shackles?

Black girl: Hey, mister, can we pet your dog?
Tough guy with groomed white poodle on leash: Sure.
Black girl to friend: See, that’s what a poodle looks like when a white man owns it.

–10th & Christopher