Wednesday One-Liners Aren't Kosher

Suit on Bluetooth headset: You just lie on the ground and squeal like a pig!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Justin

Chick on cell: A theatrical fashion show of people in assless pleather chaps and pig masks…

–W 26th St b/w 7th & 8th

Overheard by: Ladle

Hipster chick: I love bulldogs; they're like little alien piglets.

–9th St & 2nd Ave

Sorority girl, walking dog, to friend: Didn't you have a pig you could squeeze and make poop come out?

–113th St b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Professor: Your mother is a pigfucker. Now, I hope you don't all go home and cry because I said that.

–Brooklyn College

Posted on January 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Bryant Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crying, Girls, Hipsters, Insults, Man's Best Friend, On Cell, One-liners, Poop, Questions, Sorority Girls, Street, Students, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Theater & Dance, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Peanut, Pinenut, Ground Nut, Wednesday One-Liner Nut…

Ghetto girl: Hmm, I know what a peanut is, but what a walnut is?

–147th & Broadway

Man on cell: It's quite possible that my left nut is bigger than my right nut.

–82nd & Broadway

Girlfriend to boyfriend: So that's why Yoda sounds like busting a nut!

–Ave A & 6th St

Guy to friend: I've been bitten in the nuts by two different Scottish Terriers.

–7th Ave b/w 24th & 25th

Overheard by: Carmen

Guy on cell: I'm just like an anorexic. Every time they look in the mirror, they think "I'm not skinny enough," but I look in the mirror and think "these pants aren't tight enough," even though everyone tells me they can see my nuts.

–L Train

Posted on January 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Balls, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Food, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Height, Man's Best Friend, Men, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Street, Trees and plants, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Hobo: Stupid Dogs Steal All the Glory

Man: That's why I make you guys take your shoes off when we get into the house. When I was a kid, people would make their dogs poop on the street, so you had to watch where you step when crossing the street. Now it's just everywhere, all over the sidewalks.
Kid: Ew!
Man: They outta call this “Park Poop” instead of Park Slope.
Kid: Poop Slope!
Man: Haha, yeah, Poop Slope! Whoa, did you see that? That was a big one, like from a Great Dane or something!

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: elaisted

Posted on January 17, 2009
Height, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Men, Nicknames & name calling, Park Slope, Poop, Shoes

Instead of Filing the Proper Petitions

Woman #1: Oh my god! That crazy woman with her dog! I mean, really.
Woman #2: I know! And her dog is crazy too.
Woman #1: Well, her dog is pretty calm, it's just that she talks to it as if it can understand English.
Woman #2: Yeah, but I mean her dog just puts up with it.

–14th St

Posted on January 13, 2009
Crazy, Language Barrier, Man's Best Friend, Street, Women

And the Host Of “Pimp My Retriever”

Old man talking about his son: He's got eleven girls at a time.
Young guy: What is he…a dog walker?

–Elevator, 9th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Jeremy

Posted on December 6, 2008
Guys, Man's Best Friend, Old People, Promiscuity, The Village

If You Buy Thom Yorke, You Get Stuck With a Radiohead Album

Girl: Dude, good think Thom Yorke is a great musician, because that guy looks like my dog's ass.
Guy: If your dog's ass looks like Thom Yorke, I suggest you put that dog up for sale.
Girl: I would never sell my dog!
Guy: I would sell my dog on eBay in a heartbeat.
Girl: You can't sell animals on eBay.
Guy: I would sell my dog's leash and throw in the dog for free.

–Fordham Ram Van

Overheard by: sromeo

Posted on December 4, 2008
Ass, Compare/Contrast, e-Bay, For Sale, Fordham, Free stuff!, Girls, Guys, Man's Best Friend, Money & Class, Music, Physical appearance

…Did You Hear There's a War in Iraq?

Woman #1: You hear her dog died?
Woman #2: Who dog died?
Woman #1: Oprah's dog died.
(long pause)
Woman #2: So, anyway…

–Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on November 27, 2008
About Celebrities, Brooklyn, Death, Gossip, Man's Best Friend, Women

Eww, You Mean Like Friendship?

Hipster guy: He's 65?
Hipster girl: I think so, yes, he's a photographer.
Hipster guy: I just don't understand what the attraction is.
Hipster girl: Well, it's not like I want to have some Hollywood romance, I just want to go over to his apartment and like eat a sandwich and play with his dog.

–Uptown A Train

Posted on November 11, 2008
Age/Aging, Food, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Man's Best Friend, On the Subway, Relationships

Could We Get Through One Day Without Talking About Wolf-Mating?

20-something male of questionable sexuality: That's such a cute dog! Hey, do you know where dogs come from?
Female best friend: Where?
20-something male of questionable sexuality: Wolves!
Female best friend: No way!
Male of questionable sexuality: Yeah!
Female best friend: How did that happen?
20-something male of questionable sexuality: I don't know. I think two really small wolves mated or something.

–42nd St

Overheard by: Maddie's Friend