That’s What He Gets for Ordering the Ultimate Mudslide

Toddler: Daddy, do you have your period?
Daddy: No. Only mommies get periods.
Mom whispers: Daddy has diarrhea.
Toddler to waitress: Mommy has her period and Daddy has diarrhea!!

–TGI Friday’s, Times Square

Posted on March 8, 2020
Dads, Kids, Moms, Poop, Restaurants & Cafes

Why Topless Tutoring Exists

Eight-year-old ghetto kid: Mama, give me your cell phone! I gotta call my girlfriend.
Mother: What you gonna talk to her about? How you can't read and write? Tell her to help you with that!

–Harlem

Overheard by: Joe

Posted on February 16, 2020
Comebacks, Education, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents, Relationships

Why Do We Even Bring Them to This Country?

Filthy rich mom #1: I don’t know what I’ll do this summer. I mean, my nanny has a life.
Filthy rich mom #2: Ugh, I know. That’s exactly the trouble.

–Collegiate School, W 78th St

Posted on February 14, 2020
Moms, Money & Class, Parents, Rich people, School, Talking/Convos, Time

Not 'Til You Can Learn to Master Your Gag Reflex, Young Lady

12-year-old girl: Mom, can we get a hot dog or something later?
Girl's mom: No, it'll make you fat.
12-year-old girl: But…
Girl's mom: Fat!

–F Train

Overheard by: Immallama

Posted on February 13, 2020
Diet/Weight, Junk Food & Fast Food, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Physical appearance, Tweens

And This Over Here Is a Box-Cutter, Which Is Used on Muslim Christmas

Midwestern child: Daddy, what’s that candle thing?
Midwestern father: It’s called a menorah. They use it on Jewish Christmas.

—Spamalot, Shubert Theatre, W 44th St

Posted on February 11, 2020
Idiots, Judaism, Kids, Midwesterners, Moms, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Theater

Just Find Star Jones and Follow Her Trail

Brit: Excuse me, do you know where the Photography Museum is please?
Newsagent: Chocolate Museum?…Hey mamma, you know where the Chocolate Museum is?
Mamma: I never heard of no Chocolate Museum.
Brit: Not to worry. Thanks anyway.

–53rd St. Newsstand

Overheard by: Shaun Riordan

Posted on January 27, 2020
Blue-collar workers, Directions, Food, Foreigners, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms

Fine, Get All Master Po on Me

Mom, in Chinese: One bubble tea.
Daughter: Why do you know Chinese?
Mom: Why don’t you?

–Main St

Posted on January 25, 2020
Asians, Chinese, Kids, Moms, Parents

I'm Beginning to Regret Naming You Descartes

Little girl: What is that?
Mom: An ornament on a branch.
Little girl: Why is it an ornament on a branch?
Mom: Because it is.
Little girl: Why is it because it is?

–St. Lukes Holiday Festival, Hudson & Christopher

Overheard by: nosey nancy

Posted on January 7, 2020
Kids, Moms, Parades & Festitivites, Parents, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, West Village

And I'm Still Smarter Than You. That's Gotta Burn

Hip 18-year-old daughter: Mom, stop laughing! I'm like the least funny person I've ever met.
Mom, laughing: No, you're so funny! You always have been! It's like you have an extra chromosome or something. (walks into an apartment and closes door behind her before her daughter and her friend can follow).
Girl's friend: So, you're retarded. You have an extra chromosome. You're fucking retarded.

–87th & East End

Overheard by: Sophie

Posted on January 5, 2020
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Insults, Moms, Offers and requests, Retardation, Upper East Side

Stupid Leprosy

Little girl: Mommy, what are you doing?
Mother: Rubbing my eyes — they itch. What are you doing?
Little girl: I’m buttoning my finger.

–University Pl & 11th St

Overheard by: Pat Nich

Posted on January 3, 2020
Body Parts, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, The Village, Words

Moms