Woman, leaning over toddler: Do you love me?
Toddler: No.
–81st St & Amsterdam
Woman, leaning over toddler: Do you love me?
Toddler: No.
–81st St & Amsterdam
Man eating brunch to male friend: We both came out seven years ago. We are puppy gay in dog years.
–Big Daddy’s Diner
Overheard by: Morgan
Very loving mom talking to daughter about her son: Hey! He is not an animal, he is not a dog. Well, at least not today!
–Hell’s Kitchen
Outraged woman to man: What? No! Do not put the dog in the furnace, Ted!
–Court Street
Chick with cigarette, on cell: … Leathery fetish dog-masks, or just Halloween style dog-masks?
–Outside Tagine, 40th & 9th
Overheard by: Ladle
Philosophical suit: The only reason I haven’t divorced my wife is because of the dog.
–Upper East Side
Yuppie mom #1: Can you believe that there are people living in this city who make under two hundred thousand dollars?
Yuppie mom #2: Really?
Yuppie mom #1: Yes, I’d never do that. I wouldn’t want to live like a Huckleberry Finn.
The conversation then got too low for me to hear after they saw I was eavesdropping and giving them the evil eye.
–Riverside Park
Little boy: I farted!
Mother: Oh, Andrew, that's gross.
Grandma: Yes, say “excuse me” and then get out of here.
Little boy: Bombs away!
–Target, Queens
Seven-year-old girl: It would be fun to be a firefighter, or a policeman, or a princess…
Mom: Mmm-hm.
Seven-year-old girl: You know what else it would be fun to be? The devil.
Mom: Oh, dear…
–40th & 7th
Overheard by: That Girl
Toddler: Daddy, do you have your period?
Daddy: No. Only mommies get periods.
Mom whispers: Daddy has diarrhea.
Toddler to waitress: Mommy has her period and Daddy has diarrhea!!
–TGI Friday’s, Times Square
Eight-year-old ghetto kid: Mama, give me your cell phone! I gotta call my girlfriend.
Mother: What you gonna talk to her about? How you can't read and write? Tell her to help you with that!
–Harlem
Overheard by: Joe
Filthy rich mom #1: I don’t know what I’ll do this summer. I mean, my nanny has a life.
Filthy rich mom #2: Ugh, I know. That’s exactly the trouble.
–Collegiate School, W 78th St
12-year-old girl: Mom, can we get a hot dog or something later?
Girl's mom: No, it'll make you fat.
12-year-old girl: But…
Girl's mom: Fat!
–F Train
Overheard by: Immallama
Midwestern child: Daddy, what’s that candle thing?
Midwestern father: It’s called a menorah. They use it on Jewish Christmas.
—Spamalot, Shubert Theatre, W 44th St
