High school boy #1: Man, those lesbians are everywhere!
High school boy #2: Yeah!
High school boy #1: Yeah, man! I used to think that shit was cool, but then I was like, “Shit! I ain't gettin' any of that!”
High school boy #2: Yeah!
–Downtown 4 Train
Overheard by: klo
Twitchy dude to no one in particular: What? You selling something? What you selling? You all are devils! Devil worshipers! Bunch of devil worshipers! Devils, devils, devils! See you in hell! Oh…I won't be there, though.
–C Train
Hipster girl on cell: No, the black marks are from me cheating on you with Satan. (pause) Yeah, now I'm pregnant and he won't marry me.
–23rd & 5th
Overheard by: Louisa
Young guy on cell, about video game: I gave them my soul. I gave them my soul! See, my soul legally belongs to you, so you tricked them. (pause) Give him his soul! Give him his soul! What? What? Too late!
–93rd St, Bay Ridge
Screaming man with ashes on forehead to man walking past on Ash Wednesday: You're going to hell you motherfucker!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: BK
Woman on cell: Satan don't wear no panties, negro. That shit flies free.
–Astoria, Queens
Overheard by: Celia
Friend #1: It smells like green beans on this train!
Friend #2: Your mom smells like green beans.
Friend #1: (pauses) I know.
–F Train
Crazy hobo: Marriage is for having children, and gay people never have children! Marriage is for sex, and gay people never have sex!
Latina: He needs to get fucked up the ass.
–7 Train
Overheard by: Ari
Guy: Yeah, they say that now in France they’re banning Muslim women from wearing overalls.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: H. Chan
Black woman on cell: …and then she says to me “I like that song!” and I go, “Yeah, well I like fish and avocado peels.”
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Fernando Taveras
Guy: If you was dead, then you’d know what I’m talkin’ ’bout.
–J train
Creepy guy: Hey! Excuse me miss, are you single?
Woman: Umm… why?
Creepy guy: Well, I want to have an interaction with a single woman, but I don't wanna get involved if she has a man in her life.
Woman: Well, in that case, I'm not single.
–Q Train
Headline by: JR
Runners-Up:
· “And I’m Not Really a Woman Either” – NonQ-Train Rider
· “And Then He Resorted to Blasting Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” Everywhere He Went” – patticakes
· “How Accountants Get Married” – Safe
· “It’s Like Prom All Over Again” – lisha
· “Shockingly, This Didn’t End the Conversation” – mac
· “Too Bad, ‘Cause I’m Really an Eccentric Millionaire” – PeterG
Conductor #1: Grand Street next, right?
Conductor #2: What?
Conductor #1: Grand Street is next, right?
Conductor #2: That’s what I said.
Conductor #1: Okay, just checking.
Guy: Watch we stop at DeKalb.
–D train
Mom to screaming child: Shut the fuck up!
Man: Yeah, keep telling your kid ‘Shut the fuck up’ so he can grow up and steal my car someday.
–6 train
Overheard by: ChickyWang
Woman #1: I didn’t want to wash my hair today, so I put powder in it, but I put too much. I look like Benjamin Franklin.
Woman #2: No, who’s the electricity guy?
Woman #1: Benjamin Franklin.
Woman #2: Yeah, you look like Benjamin Franklin.
–F train
Overheard by: Bex
Guy: You in need of a husband?
Woman: I’ve got the clap.
–N train
Overheard by: Camille Marquis
