Young woman on the subway to her friend: “It WAS incest! Can you imagine if your brother slept with your mother? UGH!!!”
Young woman on the subway to her friend: “It WAS incest! Can you imagine if your brother slept with your mother? UGH!!!”
Teacher #1: …and I smoked weed, so my friends staged an intervention. They said, “We reeeally want you to stop smoking.” And I was like, “All right, but you all have to try it once to see what it’s like.” Well, twice, not just once, ’cause you don’t get high the first time.
Teacher #2: You get high the first time!
Teacher #1: Not everybody does.
Teacher #2: So you made your friends smoke weed?
Teacher #1: I didn’t make them smoke. It was a choice.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Teen subway dancer: Why you opening your mouth? No one’s talking to you.
Kid subway dancer: That’s why I got a mouth. So I can talk.
Teen subway dancer: I don’t like nosey niggers.
Kid subway dancer: At least I don’t sleep outside!
–D Train
Girl #1: I just don’t get it! He said they were just friends… But they were always hanging out. Then all of a sudden he dumps me!!
Girl #2: Girl friend, you’ve been Jolie’d!
–C train
Actor speaking on his cell phone on the subway: “I’m starring in a play called Andorra, about a fictional country in Europe.”
Dude: We have called you The Breast Fondler for like two years and she wouldn’t even let you fondle her breasts? Doesn’t she know your nickname?
–6 train
Overheard by: Matt Stoudt
HS Boy #1: Today’s Wednesday. Why are you leaving early?
HS Boy #2: We have playoffs.
HS Boy #1: Playoffs are Thursday.
HS Boy #2: No, they changed them to Wednesday.
HS Boy #1: Oh. Have fun losing.
HS Boy #2: Yeah, it sucks.
–4 train
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Vagrant: Can you help a homeless man get something to eat? Huh? Ma’am? Did you say no? I can’t hear you!
Chinese Lady: No.
Vagrant: She said no! People, let me hear you!
–6 Train
Guy: When you play tennis, do you ever accidentally buy a can of Pringles instead of the can of balls?
Girl: Um…no.
–D train
Overheard by: Mike Lee
Crazy: So I had to get fillings in all of my teeth.
Passenger: Uh huh.
Crazy: But I figured, why let them do that to me after they drilled holes in my brain, ya know?
Passenger: Sure.
Crazy: But I figured, might as well! Although if they were going to fill my teeth, I’d want them to use jelly.
Passenger: Yep.
Crazy: But the guy at the counter said they were out of jelly. So I got a blueberry muffin.
–R train
Overheard by: Johnny Shizzle
