Meathead: I want to get the Jesus fish tattooed on my back with the Greek letters in it. But my Mom even has a problem with that!
–D train
Meathead: I want to get the Jesus fish tattooed on my back with the Greek letters in it. But my Mom even has a problem with that!
–D train
Russian Lady: Oh no, he’s too gentle to be a teacher. He went there before and the kids did whatever they wanted. They took everything from the tables.
–D Train
Guy: It seems like the first couple of seasons of the Sopranos were exciting, but the last few have been boring.
–D Train
Yuppie #1: Yesterday we had a strike at Dow Jones.
Yuppie #2: What was it about?
Yuppie #1: Oh, union stuff.
Yuppie #2: What did you do?
Yuppie #1: Well, we all just took a 15-minute lunch break at the same time. It was less a “strike” and more a “coordinated lunch break.”
— F train to Brooklyn
Old Lady: Those kids in Columbine used to bully kids themselves. I saw an interview with one. You think the parents didn’t know something was going on, the way they used to dress up like Hitler?
Black Nurse: Really?
Old Lady: One of them was half-Jewish, too!
Black Nurse: That don’t make sense.
Old Lady: They think they’re hot stuff. They don’t care.
–W Train
Crying Little Girl: My feet are cold!
The Baby’s Daddy: You’ve got to let them warm up and thaw.
Crying Little Girl: They’re really cold!
The Baby’s Daddy: They’ll be warm in a minute.
Crying Little Girl: My feet are cold!
The Baby’s Daddy: Shut up! Shut up! Stop crying! Do you want me to kick your ass in front of everybody on the train? Your feet are gonna be cold but your ass is gonna be hot!
–W Train
Chick: He bumped against me. He said, “I’m sorry.” I said, “That’s OK.” I didn’t realize he was shoving me out of the way to take my seat!
–F Train
Girl: She’s a lesbian. Why are you trying to find an excuse that she’s not a lesbian? That’s very rude.
–W Train
Touchingly Humorous Bum: Yo, what are you doing in my house? You assholes! You don’t knock, you don’t wipe your feet. You’re so rude. I’m just kidding. I’m not even homeless. I don’t want to go home to my wife. She’s 380 pounds. I gotta work full time and beg in my time off just to feed the bitch.
–A Train
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Guy: OK, everyone who’s wearing the same clothes today as they did last night, raise their hands!
–5th Ave.
