New York Has a Lot Of Nice People (Don't Tell Anybody)

Large black bus driver: Ladies and gentlemen, I see a lot of black people on here and you are going to have to move to the back of the bus, cause we got a bunch of white folk up here that gotta get on! (pause) I'm not kidding. If there were white folk back there I'd tell them to move, but it's all black folk, so you're gonna have to get over it and move to the back of the bus!
Large black woman to small white girl: You can have my seat if you want.
Small white girl: No, thanks… I'm okay.
Large black woman: I'm not gonna go Rosa Parks on you… You have a lot of shit… You can take the seat.

–M60 Bus

Posted on March 23, 2010
Black People, Bus, Bus Drivers, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Race, White People

I Thought the W Train Didn't Go to Brooklyn?

MTA announcement, as train stops: We're being held momentarily by the train's dispatcher. Please be patient.
Tourist: What'd he say?! We're going to hell? Temporarily?

–W Train

Overheard by: Jason

Posted on March 15, 2010
Language Barrier, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Satan, Tourists, Words

Thomas Dolby: Science!

Child to father, on a sunny day on the train: Daddy, the train is moving, so how come the sun doesn't move at all?
Father, sounding sure of himself: That's cuz the sun moves so fast that it looks like it's not moving at all.

–F Train

Overheard by: GD

Posted on March 9, 2010
Astronomy, Dads, Kids, On the Subway, Parents, Public Transportation, Science

Supernanny Calls That “Time Out With Extreme Prejudice”

Dad to screaming kid: Stop screaming! Stop screaming! Do you want to go to time out?
Screaming kid to dad: It's too cold for time out!
Dad to screaming kid: Then we'll do it on the subway!
Screaming kid to dad: There's no time out on the subway!
Dad to screaming kid: There is if daddy leaves you on the train.

–42nd & 7th

Posted on March 8, 2010
Dads, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Parents, Public Transportation, Questions, Threats, Weather, Wishes & desires

Like Drinking a Bootful Of Warm Spit

Automated conductor: This is 30th Avenue. The next stop is Astoria Boulevard.
Guy exiting train: More like Astoria bore-levard.
(stranger nearby snickers)
Guy: Am I right? C'mon lady, I just changed your life with that statement.

–N Train

Posted on March 7, 2010
Conductors, Directions, On the Subway, Passengers, Public Transportation, Strangers, Words

At Least This One Didn't Point a Finger in My Face and Say, “You're Doomed! Doomed!!”

Lost Russian woman: Excuse me, does this stop at Pring Street?
Teenager: What? Oh, you mean “Spring Street.” Yeah. Just stay on the train.
(woman walks away)
Teenager to friend: What the fuck? That's like the third one this week! Am I like an old Russian woman magnet or something?

–N Train

Posted on February 28, 2010
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Directions, Foreigners, Friends, Insults, Names, On the Subway, Only in New York, Public Transportation, Questions, Teens

…And You're in Big Trouble When I Get Home Later.

Conductor: Tickets, please.
Ghetto commuter woman: What's taking so long?
Conductor: (no response)
Ghetto commuter women: Hello? Can you answer me?
Conductor: Can I just have your ticket?
Ghetto commuter woman: Hold on. Youse a rude-ass motherfucker.
Conductor: That's it, get off my train.
Ghetto commuter woman: Youse still a rude-ass motherfucker!

–LIRR

Overheard by: hungover commuter

Posted on February 27, 2010
Black People, Conductors, Insults, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Trains Not Subway

An A-Train With No Flamboyant People Is Like an Aquarium With No Fish

Flamboyant man in sunglasses, after pushing his way into the closing doors: Whew, I made it, I don't have to wait 20 minutes… Where's my applause?
(two tourists applaud half-heartedly)
Flamboyant man: Thank you, thank you. Now don't you feel better now that you've applauded?

–A Train

Posted on February 25, 2010
Men, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Tourists

The Truth Shall Set Wednesday One-Liners Free

Young suit on cell while at bar with coworkers: Yeah, I'm still at work right now, I'll call you when I'm done.

–The Dubliner Bar

Overheard by: Keekz

Young woman on cell: Hi, dad… Yeah, I'm in New York… Yes, I'm at Grand Central, I just got off the train.

–JFK Taxi Stand

Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld

Earnest man on cell: Yes, no, I'm driving there. I'll be there in ten minutes. What? That's a passenger. Ten to twelve minutes… Hello? I can't talk, I don't have a headset.

–B Train

Overheard by: Emily

Skanky girl on cell walking down street at fairly slow pace: I'm like, running.

–7th Ave & 47th St

Overheard by: Serena

Posted on February 24, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Cars and Driving, Coworkers, Fitness, Girls, JFK Airport, Jobs & Careers, Lies, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Public Transportation, Suits, Time, Women

Spending Their Bonuses Like Bankers

Toddler: Daddy, are there still rats down here?
Cheerful-sounding father: Of course!

–1 Train

Posted on February 20, 2010
Animals & Nature, Dads, Kids, On the Subway, Parents, Public Transportation, Questions

Public Transportation