Rape

Non-Consensual Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: Hell yeah, I’ll go rape Eminem!

–33rd St, Astoria

Overheard by: Christine

Drunk girl: If you rape me with that stuffed animal again, I’m gonna hurt you!

–6 train

NYU Student: It is hard to rape a tree.

–715 Broadway

Hobo: You cannot rape women! It is illegal!

–12th St & 4th Ave

Overheard by: sober eavesdropper

Woman: Why do you always have to start with gang rape?

–82nd St & West End

Overheard by: Mosteen.

Girl: Did you read the New York Times? The elephants are, like, raping the rhinoceros!

–Silver Center, NYU

Overheard by: Genevieve

A Rape, That Would Be OK

Son : We’re gonna get robbed and raped down here, we should have taken the bus.
Father: You only say stupid things.
Mother: Just hit him.
Son: Let’s get off at the next stop and take the bus.
Mother: Put your iPod away before those black guys try to rob you.

–Subway, near Battery Park

Overheard by: Mike Hunt

Osama bin Laden: You Guys Sure You’re Happy with Western Civilization?

Student #1: Have you seen that movie Clockwork Orange?
Student #2: I’ve never heard of that. What’s it about?
Student #1: It’s about rape. And death. And like everything bad in the world. But like, really cool.

–Uptown A train

Overheard by: Vinny Lopez

Rape of the Sabine Transsexuals

Teen girl #1: If you were a guy, I would totally rape you.
Teen girl #2: Isn’t it the other way around?
Teen girl #1: No. I wouldn’t rape a girl. Unless she was a guy.
Teen girl #2: Oh.

–Broadway

At the Reunion, He Threatened to Shoot Me and Then Sell Me Life Insurance

Guy #1: I told you how he threatened me, didn’t I? He said he wanted to knife me and then sodomize me.
Guy #2: Man, your high school was fucked up.

–12th & B

Overheard by: Neckbeard

The AKC’S New Slogan

Park employee: Look, lady, if you want to have your dog off leash, you can bring it in after nine o’clock at night.
Upper-East-Side lady: Oh, that’s a great idea. I’ll just bring my dog into Central Park after nine…and get raped!
Park employee: What good is a dog if it can’t stop you from getting raped?

–Central Park, 85th St

I’m Pretty Sure Africa Has Extradition Now

Guy #1: I’d rape her. I mean, if I were in Africa I’d rape her.
Guy #2: She has a cameraman that knows kung fu, you foul Negro!
Guy #1: After I shoot him in the head, all that kung fu knowledge bleeds out.

–Katra, Bowery & Rivington

Overheard by: Michael Winfield

The Wheat Ones are Much Bigger

Girl: Why do they have to be so rude here?
Guy: I feel like I’ve been gang raped with a 12 inch loaf.

–Subway, Rockefeller Center concourse

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