Retail Therapy

Wednesday One-Liners Are Brimming with Consumer Confidence

Asian student on cell: Yeah, I haven’t had time to go shopping. I’ve had all this school work to do… Yeah, me either — I haven’t been since, like, Saturday… I miss shopping, too.

–NYU computer lab

Overheard by: Cpt. Kate

Bimbette: We should go to Boston to go to the big Victoria’s Secret. It would be, like, the most rational thing we’ve ever done.

–Fordham University RamVan

Overheard by: wishmewell

Three-year-old Barenaked Ladies fan: Mommy, if I had a lot of money, I’d buy you a green dress.

–59th & Lex

Overheard by: But not a real green dress, that’s cruel

Texan: Don’t you have malls here? Well, I guess New York is like one big strip mall.

–23rd St & Lex

Overheard by: Not a Texan

Tourist bimbo: What mall is this?

–Outside Bloomberg office tower, 59th & Lex

Overheard by: Russ Wall

“It’s to make stripes, you storetard.”

Guy: Yo, you got rolling papers?
Store lady: I don’t know. What is that?
Guy: You know, Zig-Zag.
Store lady: I don’t know, what is that for?

–CVS, 32nd & 5th

Overheard by: Abbey Leroux

Wednesday Buy-One-Get-One-Freeliners

Upper East Side crone: I just came back from Sudan, and there was nothing to buy there!

–Gift Shop, American Folk Art Museum

Hick obese wife to hick obese husband: Sometimes I like Wal-Mart better, sometimes I like K-Mart better. It depends on the day.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Emily Faxon

Tourist lady on cell: No, I was in the store the entire time! I got 8 pashminas!

–Canal St

Overheard by: Canadian Girl

Cheerful 10-year-old with cornrows to 30-something woman: This is a world famous store! So don't be surprised if you're still here at one o'clock!

–Macy's, 7th Ave

Asian girl, pointing to D'Agostino: Oh, that's D'Agostino. It's like a Japanese grocery store or something.

–10th St & University

Upper East Side mom: I shop at Target because I like to support out local businesses whenever I can.

–62nd & 3rd

We Might Even Get Crazy and Go Watch a Kitten Play with It!

Guy who just bumped into a group of women from work, in incredulous tone: So, you're all just out shopping for yarn and stuff?
Group of very excited 30-something women who just bought yarn: Yeah!

–Smith St, Brooklyn, Outside Yarn Store

Overheard by: Zoe

We Don’t Have Anything Like That in San Francisco!

Horrified tourist chick #1: Oh my god, did you see that?
Horrified tourist chick #2: I think it’s a sex shop!
Horrified tourist chick #1: No!

–St. Mark’s Pl

Overheard by: Rose Fox

You Won’t Get Far on an Empty Stomach

Little girl in line: I can’t take this anymore. I’m going shopping [walks off to clothing store].
Mother: Whatever.

–Wo Hop restaurant

Overheard by: Cran

Wednesday One-Liners Consume Conspicuously

Man on cell: Yeah, I’m here at the store, but I forgot what you told me to get… What do you mean, ‘Who is this?’ How many guys have you sent to the store in the last five minutes? Oh… This is Jeff.

–Duane Reade, 89th & Columbus

Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/

Dude: I don’t think I’ll do too well on The Price Is Right. I’m too used to Manhattan. I’d say 35 dollars for a box of Bounce. Then I’d be like, ‘Holy shit, five bucks? Goddamn, Bob, where the fuck do you shop?!’

–Times Square

Overheard by: Dave

British tourist to another: A store just for containers?

–58th & Lex

Overheard by: sofs

Bimbette: It was a real Japanese store. The Japanese person behind the counter was Japanese.

–The Hilton

Filthy rich high school girl: You know, I was thinking — like, we go shopping all the time, but like, we buy clothes we never wear…

–79th & Madison

NYU girl: Jenny*, that is so not J. Crew-appropriate behavior!

–W 8th & Broadway

And the Condoms, Lube, and Enema Kits

Queer #1: This place is terrible.
Queer #2: I know.
Queer #1: I hate Duane Reade.
Queer #2: Yeah, me too.
Queer #1: And yet I love it… it’s like an abuse relationship you just can’t get over.
Queer #2: Yeah.
Queer #1: Everytime I come in here, I see all these people who are like, I really don’t want to be here right now. [Pause. Dionne Warwick is playing.] Must be the music.

–Duane Reade, 14th & 3rd

Overheard by: NYU girl

They Won’t Come Anywhere Near Us, And We Can Shop in Peace

Black guy #1: Man, we shoulda gone to the Target in Queens!
Black guy #2: Yeah! That’s where all the white people go!

–Target, Inwood

Overheard by: amused white girl

Retail Therapy Soothes Even the Most Troubled Upper East Side Soul

Upper-East-Side lady on cell: I know, but I was at a funeral all day…Yeah, it was sad, but I really didn’t know him at all…This saddest thing was seeing his daughters upset. They’re the same ages as–Wow! This shirt is only $19!! You can’t even buy a freaking Frappuccino for $19! I’m getting it in blue.

–Banana Republic, 86th & 3rd

Overheard by: DC

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist